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PJ Media encourages you to read our updated PRIVACY POLICY and COOKIE POLICY.

A Short History of Guns and Sexual Inadequacy

But we're getting off topic. The point is, white males own guns to try to deal with their sexual insecurity. But that's not the only way those dastardly whitey-white people have dealt with their frustrations. Another way they compensate is with their other obsession: freedom. When a white male goes on and on about how big his freedom is, it doesn't take many guesses to know what is small. When people are like, "I am self-reliant and don't need the government to tell me how to do everything," that's just more compensation for poor performance in the bedroom.

In fact, the United States of America was basically founded because of sexual insecurity. King George drew a ribald cartoon mocking the manhood of the people who would eventually be known as the Founding Fathers. They then overcompensated and were all like, "We'll show you! Look how free we are! Yeah! We have muskets, too! We're real men!" People refer to the Battles of Lexington and Concord as the "shot heard round the world," but that isn't because people were impressed by it. Instead, everyone shook their heads knowingly, saying, "Oh, we know what that's about; those colonists just aren't pleasing their wives."

So, minorities, let this be a lesson to you: Don't be sexually insecure. Stay away from these guns and freedom that white males are trying to peddle. If you ever feel the need to own a gun to protect your family, or if you want to shed the shackles of government, that's just your member saying, "I'm small! Compensate for me!" Don't listen to it! And while white males may act like they'll be happy if you join them in gun ownership and their love of freedom, as soon as your back is turned, they'll say racist things like, "Hey, see that guy over there? I'm racist against him!"

Be secure in your manhood, and trust government to provide your protection and all your other needs. Right now, progressives have a bunch of plans which, if implemented, might possibly make things safer in inner cities in twenty to thirty years or so. But if you minorities ever have doubts, go to a good white male like the progressive Mark Karlin, and he'll tell you what to do. And there is no reason to be scared of him, because he has very small genitalia.

And everyone is okay with that.