Drunkblogging Obama's Big Prime-Time Presser

4:19PM Checking in with my practice martini. In a few moments, I'll pour another one and switch on the news. Then, the drunkblogging will begin.

4:30PM Word is, Fox won't be showing the press conference tonight. Their excuse is, their network is in the business of making money. How very '05 of them.

4:42PM Decisions, decisions. CNN means dealing with 20 minutes of Wolf Blitzer before the conference starts. Fox News? Sheppard Smith. MSNBC? Chris Matthews. I think the decision is clear: Down Martini #2 very quickly and get to work on #3.

Side note: When did Pat Buchanan's voice get so high?

4:49PM I've settled on Fox News for tonight's viewing. What has the world come to when Sheppard Smith is the least offensive way to stay current?

4:51PM Just a quick note -- all the time stamps are Pacific. And now they're computer-generated, so there's some small chance they'll be accurate.

4:52PM Tonight's talking point: It's not "swine flu." It's "Porcine-American sniffles."

4:54PM Shep Smith keeps saying "swine flu." But that's OK, just so long as we don't have to share a bunk at Reeducation Camp.

4:59PM The blonde in pink on Fox News says Obama wants to remake energy, health, autos, and maybe some important items, too. Bush only wanted to remake Iraq. Who's the cowboy?

5:00PM I believe Bill O'Reilly's makeup was done by an undertaker. Maybe also his wardrobe.

5:01PM Here he is. Lookin' good.

5:02PM H1N1? How do you say that in... pig Latin?

5:03PM OK, when most any other President says he's asked for a billion or two in emergency spending, it sounds impressive. But this guy? Also, I do *not* need the President to tell me to cover my mouth when I cough. My three-year-old, on the other hand...

5:04PM The Prez needs a press conference to sell us on stuff that's already passed Congress? Makes you wonder what his internal polls are telling him.

5:05PM Nine trillion in debt will help us compete? Bitchin'! I am so putting a Mercedes on my Citibank card.

5:06PM "I think we're off to a big start, but it's just a start." I think I speak for millions of Americans when I say, "Oh, crap."

And why does a Prez who keeps telling us a debt-based economy is bad, so worried that the banks aren't lending quite so freely?

5:07PM Translation: Sarbox wasn't nothin'.

5:08PM "Work" will take "time and effort." In other prime-time worthy news, leisure will require "too little time spent relaxing."

5:09PM AP's J-Lovin' got the memo. You could practically hear her swallow the word "swine" before the word "flu."

5:10PM If the SWINE flu (sorry) isn't an emergency, then why is the President getting briefed hourly?

5:11PM He keeps telling us that the 1.5 billion in SWINE flu dollars is a big deal. But really, you could find that many Obama Bucks under AIG's sofa cushions.