Congressman Cheats, Media Yawns: The Hottest Sex Scandal You Never Heard of

In one of his recent Davenport Mystery novels, author John Sandford claimed -- satirically, it is hoped -- that Democrat scandals are "always about money," and Republican scandals are "always about sex."  Except, you know, for Bill Clinton and his dress-soiling ways.  John Edwards and his love child.  And Mel Reynolds, convicted of having sex with teens.  Or Barney Frank and his male prostitute.  Or, right now down in Florida, Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney and...

"Uh... Tim who?" you might fairly ask.

If you haven't heard of Mahoney, it's because our Mainstream Media is in Full Bore Yawn Until It Goes Away Mode.  After all, there's an election going on, and what could be less important in a Congressional race than a Congressman who paid off his mistress to the tune of a hundred and twenty thousand smackeroos, and I don't mean on the lips.

"Uh... there's money involved, too?"

You didn't know?  Oh, yes.  Oh, my , yes.  Oh, yes, yes, yes-yes-yes, oh God yes! Congressman Mahoney paid off his mistress $121,000.  Where did he get the money?  Mahoney got Patricia Allen a $50,000-a-year job at the very same advertising agency which handles his campaign buys.  Furthermore, Allen, a former Mahoney staffer...

"Uh... she was on his staff?"

Yes, and not even so to speak.  As it turns out, Allen was a former employee on Mahoney's Congressional staff.  The good news, at least according to ABC News, is that Allen "has not received any special payment from campaign funds."  Although ABC News doesn't let us know where the other $21,000 came from.  Because, even though I don't have layers of editors and fact-checkers working with me, I'm pretty sure that $121,000 minus $50,000 times two, still leaves some left over.  But ABC News isn't that curious, so why should you care about the missing money, or even about the lawsuit?

"Uh... the lawsuit over what?"

Sexual harassment?  A blackmail-type nuisance suit?  Illegitimate W-4 withholding?  Who knows?  If the mainstream media know, they're not telling us.  So you're as in-the-dark on this right now as I am.  In any case, it's all very amusing because Mahoney was elected to replace a Republican, Mark Foley, who got caught sending naughty instant messages to teen boys.

"Oh, yes, I remember that one."

We all do.  It got lots of play in the press, unlike l'affair Mahoney.