California's Clown King Jerry Brown Unleashes His Special Brand of Lunacy
Apparently on the advice of his dermatologist (yes, you read that correctly), no minor can use a tanning bed in California. So if your 17 year old has some acne issues that might actually be helped by a session or two (I’m not an expert, but I know quite a few teens who maintain this has helped) – forget it. You, as the parent, are clearly not capable of making this decision, and you need ‘Beam & Co. to protect you (and the child on whom you may inflict "tan abuse") from your own bad judgment. Oh, great King Jerry, your all-knowing guidance and wisdom knows no bounds. We praise and thank you (and your dermatologist) for protecting us from our would-be evil tanning ways. May our milky white skin reflect your keen insight into our souls.
It’s a good thing Jerry Brown is our collective California daddy who knows better than moron parents what kids need. Because there is no other explanation for this last one. He has given 12-year-olds – that’s 6th graders, my friends – the right to consent to “preventive” care for STDs. You see, some parents are so backward that they don’t want their elementary schoolkids obtaining the Gardasil vaccine, or condoms, or birth control pills. Some of these parents actually think they should have some say over what vaccines go into their child's body. My word, some of them even think that sex is something to be cherished as the highest form of exclusive human commitment, and they want their kids to understand that people acting like monkeys in heat and copulating with whomever comes along is a soul-deadening way to live, and that is the context in which they want to control their child’s access to “preventive care for STDs.”
Stupid parents! The Clown knows better than you do about such things. Leave this to him!
And never mind that Jerry thinks tanning is too dangerous for parents to possibly allow, but 12 year olds having sex has no consequences whatsoever that might suggest a bit of parental involvement would be prudent. Leftism sees no irony in this, and neither should you. Move along! Nothing to see here!
As a Californian, I can only thank the great Spirit of Mother Earth, or Gaia, or something, that Jerry Brown rode back into the statehouse on his white horse (or possibly a Prius, or a bicycle) to save us all from ourselves. Long live Clown King Moonbeam, and long live his glassy-eyed minions! At least until a big earthquake drops us all into the ocean, when the real God finally has his fill of the Land of Fruits, Nuts, and clowns who insist on electing one of their own.