Buzz Ballad, redux: One Month

This originally appeared in the Tatler in July of 2011, during the debt ceiling negotiations.  Sadly, it remains timely.

One Month

—by the Barenaked Powergrab, with apologies to the Barenaked Ladies and “One Week

It’s been one month since I said that we

Faced a deadline to raise the debt ceiling

Five days since we started to negotiate

Your proposals were unappealing

Three days since I left the room

I didn’t like having to answer your questions

Yesterday said I’d talk to you

There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

Come on now and hear the warning

You know global warming

Mandates that we convert to green jobs

Though high-speed rail cannot fail, all alone it’s of no avail

We have to pay bad mortgages to buy votes from the mob

Competing interests I play off

I give them all payoffs

I’m about conciliation

Media has my left flank

There’s many to thank, they all help me get out my message

They’re all so willing to be shilling

As I stop domestic drilling

I like unions, that’s why I shower them with favors

They all supported Obamacare

Even as they were well aware

With their contributions they all would get a waiver

Everything I do is rushed on a short deadline

It has always worked out for me just fine

I’m the kind of guy who sloughs off all his workload

Can’t understand what I mean?

Well, you soon will

I have a tendency to go out to the golf course

I have a history of taking vacations

It’s been three years since I was sworn in

As President I have never signed a budget

Past a year since car companies

Got bailed out by ignoring bankruptcy

More than three months since I decided

To go into Libya without getting a go-ahead

Yesterday I said that I’d talk

But you’d better be willing to give me a trillion

Come on and give in ’cause Cloward Piven

Is gonna change the way that you’ve been livin’

Government whirlin’ like a dervish

Agency service

Expands so much it makes you nervous

Like FDR I’ve got some real big plans

Like Shaft I’m the man

Like Lenin, saying what is to be done

Like small businesses I make jobs

Okay, I don’t make jobs

But if I did they’d have a living wage

This time jobs will be shovel-ready

People will all be working steady

If you just cave and give in to me on every new thing

Gotta trust in me, recovery

Is soon to be, it isn’t me if the promises

That I’m making have a false ring

Everything I do is rushed on a short deadline

It has always worked out for me just fine

I’m the kind of guy who sloughs off all his workload

Can’t understand what I mean?

Well, you soon will

I have a tendency to go out to the golf course

I have a plan that will make you lose your shirt

It’s been one month you’ve tried to buck me

With spending cuts instead of raising taxes

Five days since I sneered at you and said

“You are the ones who put us in this deep doo-doo”

Three days since the last go-round

If I keep saying you’re at fault, then what can you do?

Yesterday said I’d talk to you

There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

Obama plan, hocking tomorrow