Buzz Ballad: My Wife Needs So Many Things

---apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein, and "My Favorite Things"

Celebrity chef meals and home spa massages

Sycophants to make up her entourages

Garish designer clothes covered in bling

Why is it my wife needs so many things?

A slavish press corps claiming that her grimaces

Display one of the world's most lovely faces

The obedience that from fat children she wrings

Why is it my wife needs so many things?

Though she has got no formal occupation

Each few weeks she takes a lavish vacation

Yes, she has got her eyes on the cha-ching;

Why is it my wife needs so many things?

Late at night when

She wakes up and

Inward turns her eyes

She confronts the empty void where her soul should be

And resolves to super-Versailles!