Blunders and Bundlers

We would like to have more sympathy, Mr. Hosp, but I’m afraid this was simply a case of poor personal marketing. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, sir.

Few aspiration minded donors impressed us more than one Donald H. Gips, though. As a vice president for Level 3 Communications in Colorado, Don bundled up something in excess of one-half million dollars for Team Obama. In exchange, his company received millions of dollars in taxpayer funds as part of the stimulus program. But was that enough? Perish the thought. Mr. Gips first obtained a job with the administration, not having to perform actual work on behalf of the public, but as the person assigned to line up jobs for the rest of the donors waiting to receive positions. Such a task can chafe on a man’s dedication after a time, though, so it will come as little surprise that he later traded up to become our nation’s Ambassador to South Africa.

By this point, gentle readers, the deluge of information has doubtless left you with a sour taste on your collective tongues. These types of revelations are no doubt surprising. (Much in the same way that that one is surprised to find bird excrement on their car after parking under a tree or some power lines.) The very idea that powerful, lucrative positions in our own federal government could be purchased for merely the gross coinage of American dollars is surely enough to give one the vapors.

But if a piddling amount of cash which could barely finance one of Newt Gingrich’s cruises to the Greek Isles can land positions like these, surely some next century thinking could advance the process to more productive realms. The oil industry is still wringing their collective hands over the fact that they can’t produce any product in our territorial waters. Have they considered simply loading up one of those oil tanker trucks with Benjamins and backing it up to Robert Gibbs’ office in Chicago? There seems more than a middling chance that drilling permits would soon be falling like cherry blossom petals on the National Mall in May.

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms is apparently so hard up for funding that they’re selling guns to Mexican drug cartels. How much could a couple thousand assault rifles cost? For that price the NRA could probably land two more Supreme Court seats by the end of Obama’s first term.

We live in a free market society here, folks. The Obama administration has embraced this concept in full-throated glory. It’s time for the rest of us to catch up with this new paradigm or be left forever struggling behind the curve.

Speaking of which, I’d been meaning to speak to the editors here about a raise. Something in the range of nine figures should do it.