Ballad of Pretty Boy Johnny the Outlaw

Well gather round you children,

A story I will tell.

About Pretty Boy Johnny Edwards,

Carolina knew him well.

He spoke of two Americas,

He lied between his teeth.

He combed his hair a hundred times,

With nothing underneath.

He built a mansion high,

And deceived his dying wife.

He betrayed his closest ones,

To better his own life.

He reached for the White House,

All seemed within his grasp.

But while taking campaign funds,

A young mistress he did clasp.

So now he’s a defendant,

And looking rather glum.

But tell us Pretty Boy Johnny,

Did you have to be so dumb?

(With apologies to Woody Guthrie, even though he probably would have voted for Edwards)