An Open Letter to Newt Gingrich

Dear Mr. Speaker:

You didn’t -- and wouldn't -- ask for my advice, but here it is because even you would be better than a second Obama term in office.

Sir, you have more baggage than the underbelly of an Airbus 380. Women don't cotton to serial adulterers: a marriage to you looks more like a high-risk adventure than a sanctuary of security. As you well know, women do vote, and have, ever since passage of the Nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution in 1920.

Why was it, I wondered last night, that you were the only candidate who said the other three candidates' wives would all make excellent first ladies. You and your admirers may have found that approach magnanimous and gracious. I found it creepy.  You can't stand Mitt but you really like his wife?  If I were you, I would have confined my answer to Callista, and not implied that you've been sizing up the other wives on that long, hot campaign trail.

You make a lot of men nervous about your candidacy, too. There was the $300,000 penalty you paid for ethics violations when you were speaker of the House. Yeah, everyone in the debate hall cheers you when you beat up on the MSM, but we all know that the job of the next president is to save the economy, keep nuclear weapons out of Ahmadinejad’s hands, make the United States more energy independent, and, as a result, revive the private sector so that businesses will thrive and hire again.

Being feisty with Juan Williams, John King, and Ann Curry isn’t going to cut it in the Oval Office. This country has far bigger problems than the MSM.

Your problem isn’t failure to rouse an audience to applaud you. Your problem is that you say so much and say it so fast that invariably you say things that make no sense or are outright lies. And you appear to have no problem hiding the truth.

Saying you’ve been hired as an advisor by the governments’s mega-housing and mortgage agencies because of your skills as an historian is like my saying that PJM hired me as a chef.  Sure, I can cook, but I was hired as an advice columnist. You were hired as an operator (an “influence peddler.")  Mitt called you on it on Saturday  and Senator Santorum repeated it last night: it resonates and you're stuck with it. You can’t run away from it -- because it’s true.

That’s your biggest problem: the way you deal with your past. The New York Sun published an editorial by R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. about you on Wednesday titled "William Jefferson Gingrich." You have that same fast-on-your-feet, used car salesman answer-to-every-customer's-reasonable-objections facile manner that Bubba does. The Sun didn’t intend that headline as a compliment.

Wriggle as much as you’d like, it won’t help.  So, what will?

(1)  Own up to Old Newt. Don’t pretend he’s not in the room.  He’s in there.  Even for voters too young (or, alas, too old) to remember him, he’s there. They’ll learn more and more about him with each passing day. Or hour.