A Modest Proposal for the Reestablishment of the Prussian State

It may be that some few of the Prussians themselves might find relocation to such accommodations objectionable, but this need not concern us, as our interest must perforce be to provide for the Prussians that which our more elevated point of view allows us to discern as comprising their proper and higher needs, rather than the simple comforts that they, with their more limited viewpoint, merely want.

Such refugee camps having been established and made suitably miserable, scribblers from the principle rags of all the major capitals could be invited to attend upon the scene, and by bearing witness, shock the conscience of the world as to the cruelty of the evil Poles, whose wanton theft did so mercilessly deprive the pitiful Prussians of their homes, their lands, and all hope for a life worth living.

Should these tales of woe prove insufficient, greater horror could be created as required, for example by distributing Lugers, potato mashers, Schmeissers, panzerfausts, flammenwerfers, and other traditional Prussian paraphernalia to their little boys, so as to excite them to engage in futile attacks upon the Polish soldiery. The babes, thus remade into bloody or burnt mangles, could then be readily displayed with artistry sufficient to move even the most heartless of politicians to demand redress.

This done, a conference could be called of all the principle powers of the planet to agree upon new boundaries for the two states, Prussia and Poland, so as to enable them to live together amicably in accord with the principles of eternal Justice, in precisely the same wise manner as is now contemplated for Israel and Palestine. As a starting point for such apportionment, the borderline should first be chosen to be that which pertained in 1942, before the rude Polish annexations made during a particular moment of Prussian disadvantage distorted the previously established arrangements. These boundaries, however, could then be adjusted by such further trading of territories as might be mutually agreed between all the parties in attendance.

In this way, the Prussians might be restored to their land, their state restored to its ancient grandeur, and Europe restored to peace, just as it was in that golden age before the fanatic Poles saw fit to wreak havoc and misery upon all the world.