Klavan On The Culture

Was Justice Scalia Murdered???

No, of course he wasn’t murdered. What’re you, nuts? But the question perfectly represents the disconnect between the grave stakes of the upcoming election and the frivolous level of our current political discourse.

Bully McMeathead — I mean Donald Trump — actually entertained the notion that Scalia died by foul play while speaking with radio talk show host Michael Savage recently. “They say they found a pillow on his face, which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow,” opined Wussy McRichboy — I mean Trump.


And all right, I’ll cut the combover clown some slack on this one. It was the first he’d heard of it. And in fact, the pillow wasn’t found over the Supreme Court justice’s face but above his head. And the 79-year-old Scalia was in bad health and had discussed the possibility of his sudden death with his family. And what kind of super-de-duper New World Order Illuminati conspirator smothers a guy with a pillow and then leaves the pillow there on the guy’s face anyway? Maybe he was hoping no one would notice the body underneath… Ach, I’ll retire to Bedlam.

But if Blowhard McStupid hasn’t fully signed on to this idiotic conspiracy, he has decided that George W. Bush knowingly lied about there being WMD in Iraq. It was W’s way of tricking us into war so he could destroy his popularity. He hated all that adulation. Plus The Donald thinks there are “very secret papers” somewhere that will reveal who was really to blame for the 9-11 attack on the World Trade Center. (Hint: His last name begins with “Laden.”) And Trump has also filed a cease and desist order against Ted Cruz to stop Cruz from saying negative things about his opponent during a political campaign. Because, you know, we wouldn’t want to allow that!

Meanwhile, Trump’s fellow lefties over in the Democrat party are also talking blithering not to mention absolute crap. Hillary Clinton, panicked at having to run against an old poop peddling a failed centuries-old economic policy, has fallen so far down the identity politics hole there’s nothing left of her but a shrill, grating echo. She says women don’t like her because they’re women, and men don’t like her because they don’t like women, and Republicans don’t like Obama because they’re white and he’s black, and, oh yeah, it’s wrong to generalize about people on the basis of race or gender. Meanwhile, in South Carolina the youthful Indian-American female Republican governor just endorsed the youthful Cuban-American senator with a youthful African-American senator looking on…  so yeah, you two ancient whitey Democrats fight it out over which of you is more diverse-esque, then get back to us.

Not to say there’s not some silliness on the GOP side as well. Jeb! Bush, for instance. Need I say more? Jeb!’s upset because people think he ought to get out of the race so someone who could actually win the nomination might be able to gather enough votes to stop the rise of Nasty McFalsehood. “It’s all decided,” Jeb! told a group of dozing supporters at a campaign event. “I mean we don’t have to go vote I guess, it’s all finished. I should stop campaigning maybe, huh? Let’s just—it’s all done!” Listening to this, for a moment there, I thought: Thank heavens, he’s finally caught on. Then I realized he was being sarcastic… for some reason. Go figure.

Here’s an idea I offer up for what it’s worth: Now that the Illuminati have bumped off Scalia, and the balance of the Supreme Court is up for grabs and all, it might actually be a good idea to start thinking about the next president more seriously and expecting serious talk from the candidates running for the office. Let’s face it, that leaves exactly two realistic choices: Rubio or Cruz. Intelligent, skilled, serious men with points of view that make some sort of sense.

That’s the kind of person we need in the White House. Otherwise, this whole New World Order thing could get out of hand.