Steven Crowder Has Sex
Scientists working in a secret laboratory around the clock have created an amazingly realistic female android programmed to show life-long affection for conservative comedian Steven Crowder. No other narrative is sufficient to explain the photograph above in which a young woman of breathtaking beauty seems for all the world actually to be marrying the guy. Believe me, Steven is a friend of mine and I can tell you from personal experience: There is absolutely no other way he scores a babe like that.
Now normally if a thought about Crowder's sex life entered my mind I would naturally try to put out my eyes and pour boric acid into my ears in an attempt to clean out my brain. But hey, he started it. Writing at the Fox News Opinion blog (where apparently they let just anybody weigh in), Steven produced this provocative and extremely interesting post-marriage column called "Waiting for the Wedding Night — Getting Married the Right Way."
Steven begins by confirming that, yes, he and his new missus waited to have sex until they were married — and then goes on to say that this is the right thing to do, as opposed to, you know, the wrong thing to do:
Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.
We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said.
Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
The column is worth reading in itself, but even more fascinating is the predictable reaction: the filth, hatred and rage with which floozies and fickle manhood men have been responding in comments, blogs and on the entertaining @scrowder twitter feed.
Obviously, such reactions tend to confirm Crowder's outlook. Why hate on the guy if you don't secretly feel ashamed of yourself?
As for me, I'm personally delighted for Steven because now maybe he'll stop badgering me with all those embarrassing questions. And as someone who did not follow the path he advises, and yet somehow ended up with, really, a storybook marriage that has now lasted approximately 472 years (for my wife — for me, it's gone by in minutes), I'm in no position to offer him experiential support.
And yet, I can't help feeling our young hero may be onto something. At the very least, I can say that the older I get, the more I feel an insouciant sex-is-just-sex attitude to sex is vastly more destructive to both the individual and society than our elite thinkers are willing to admit. And there is no question we have allowed these elites to teach us to place the value of being non-judgmental over the value of having values. Surely, even without any hard and fast rules, teaching our young that their bodies are meant to be vehicles for their spirits and not the other way around, might improve a world ravaged by depression, illegitimacy and loneliness.