Sign O the Times

The porno scanners and heavy petting pat-downs must be having their desired effect, because Homeland Security is now keeping American travelers safe from… obscure file-sharing sites.

What — you say you’ve never heard of a single incident where dvdcollects.com or amoyhy.com hijacked a plane? OK, so that’s technically true, but they have been hijacking Hollywood profits, and Janet Napolitano knows who butters her bread.

Meanwhile, please continue to fly the friendly skies, confident in the knowledge that the DHS has Steven Spielberg’s back