Barbara Lynn sings “You’ll Lose A Good Thing”.

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A couple weeks back, I endorsed Fred Thompson for the Republican nomination — which seems to have done not one thing to help him. Go figure. Anyway, after tonight Fred is toast. He’s going home to Tennessee, and he should probably go on and stay there a while, cleaning his 12-gauge on the front porch.

But Thompson did one thing right. By staying in through South Carolina, he might just have spared the nation from yet another comically painful Mike Huckabee victory. For sure, tonight is as well as Huckabee is going to do from here on out, and Thompson is partly the reason why.

For that, he has my gratitude.

And I’d like to change my Democratic endorsement from Dennis Kucinich. The Democrats have proven quite adept this year at marginalizing their marginal candidates — which renders my backhanded endorsement moot. And while I have some serious qualms about the man and his plan, I think Barack Obama is the best person for the Democrats to nominate this year.

And in a national race between Obama and McCain or Romney (as seems likely)? I vote to take another drink.

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Yes, I’ve got a bloody mary in my right hand and the remote control in the left*. Frequent updates at PJ Media.

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Fox News just had on attorney Robert Cartwright, talking about the murder of Marine Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach, and a possible death penalty for the suspect. Cartwright claimed that the suspect could get out of the death penalty, due to the military’s “culture of killing” and the “vastly higher rates of violence and murder” among military personnel.

If that’s what you get on Fox, who needs the New York Times?

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Tonight, I plan on making a pitcher of icy martinis, starting a toasty fire, and curling up on the sofa with… Wolf Blitzer. And Katie Couric. And maybe — just maybe — get in a little face time with Hannity and Colmes.

PJ Media will carry all the fun, starting just as soon as the exit polls come in from Nevada and South Carolina.

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Koo loo koo koo koo koo koo kooooo!  Good day, and welcome to the Great White South!

This is the second snowfall Atlanta’s had in the last four days, after about seven years without any measurable accumulations.  It’s supposed to keep up until five this afternoon, after which  the temperature is expected to drop into the teens.  

Those of you who are entertained by demolition derbies should Google up Atlanta’s traffic cameras; the sight of Southerners trying to drive in frozen weather is not to be missed. This Southern driver is staying home and breaking out the schnapps, thank you very much.

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With muscle cars, it’s all about “blood and guts, tits and ass.” Or at least it should be.

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This arrived in my inbox a while ago, and although I can’t say for sure if it’s true, it certainly is Truth.

Enjoy.

Subj: “I WANNA BE A FIGHTER PILOT”

Sir:

I am D.J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get into the Air Force Academy?

Sincerely,
DJ Baker

*********************************************

From: Van Wickler, Kenneth, LtCol, HQ AETC

Anybody in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?

LTC Wickler
**********************************************

A worldly and jaded C130 pilot, Major Hunter Mills, rises to the task of answering the young man’s letter.

**********************************************

Dear DJ,

Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, “Top Gun” media portrayal of fighter pilots.

Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I’ve found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma’s boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative:

What you really want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing..the venerable workhorse, The C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 feet above the ground, with the navigator leading the way and trying to interpret an alternate route to the drop zone, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch.with the engineer in the back relieving himself and the loadmaster puking in his trash can!

I tell you DJ, TAC Airlift is where it’s at! Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HUMVs, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn’t open and it torpedoes the General’s staff car! No where else can you land on a 3000 foot dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff out on the ramp without stopping, then takeoff again before range control can call to tell you that you’ve landed on the wrong LZ! And talk about exotic travel; when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for 3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the local culture long enough to give the locals a bad taste in their mouths regarding the USAF and Americans in general, not something those C-141 Stratolift pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!

As far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these:

1. Take a lot of math courses. You’ll need all the advanced math skills you can muster to enable you to calculate per diem rates around the world, and when trying to split up the crew’s bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he owes 85% of the whole thing and the navigator believes he owes the other 20%.

2. Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer before the tremendous case of the G.I.s catches up to you from that meal you ate at the place that had the really good belly dancers in some God-forsaken foreign country whose name you can’t even pronounce.

3. Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of the nearest topless bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every sensibility of the local religion and culture.

4. A foreign language is helpful but not required. You will never be able to pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France, and it’s much easier to ignore them and to go where you want to anyway. As a rule of thumb: waiters and bellhops in France are always called “Pierre”, in Spain it’s “Hey, Pedro” and in Italy, of course, it’s “Mario”. These terms of address also serve in other countries interchangeably, depending on the level of suaveness of the addressee.

5. A study of geography is paramount. You will need to know the basic location of all the places you’ve been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to stick those little pins in that huge world map you’ve got taped to your living room wall, right next to the giant wooden giraffe statue and beer stein collection.

Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about the Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education. A nice, big state college or the Naval Academy would be a much better choice.

Hunter Mills,
Major USAF

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Hey thanks, Your Honor!

Sylvester: You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)

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But I Get a Kick Out of You

Colorado residents don’t need to be told who Douglas Bruce is — he’s the guy who gave us TABOR. And we’re thankful for that. But even non-Coloradans will know Bruce as “the guy who kicked that reporter.” Read:

Bruce pulled up in his “MR TABOR” license-plated car about 8 a.m. with a jar of Jelly Bellies that hinted at Ronald Reagan’s sweet tooth. Things soured two hours later, when Bruce kicked a photographer who tried to snap his picture during the House’s morning prayer.

Typically, Bruce was unrepentant:

Bruce refused to apologize, saying the photographer was the one who owed him an apology.

“He needs to get a lesson in manners and decorum,” Bruce said. “He ought to be ashamed of himself.”

Word of the kick spread fast around the Capitol as lawmakers hit the Internet to watch the news video.

I’m searching for a link to that video. Trust me.

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Want.

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Ted Bronson doesn’t like the New York Times’ numbers — or anything else about it, for that matter.

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It’s the stubborn, cranky ones who always seem to last the longest. So you just know that Tim Blair is going to be around a good long time yet.

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It’s just resting.

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Sure, I took on Iowa that one time. But only Dave Barry is man enough to tell off the big states, all at once:

Iowa and New Hampshire will do anything to be first. You populous states can’t beat them, because they want it more than you do. They’re like the people who camp out for two weeks so they can be in front of the line to buy tickets for a hot concert, except that instead of a hot concert, it’s a chance to shake hands with Duncan Hunter six different times.

Take that, Florida.

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The porn industry is leaning towards Blu-Ray. Really though, the only reason I’m linking this story is to point out that PC Magazine has, perhaps for the first time, published the words “Jenna Haze Oil Orgy” all in a row.

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After losing in New Hampshire just two days ago, Obama might not want to take another big hit like this already.

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Here’s what constitutes a concession speech (or at least a pre-concession speech) during primary season:

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has decided to pull his advertising from South Carolina, where he was hoping to take on Mike Huckabee and John McCain, and from Florida, where Rudy Giuliani has been spending time and money.
“We feel the best strategy is to focus our paid messaging in Michigan,” Romney spokesman Kevin Madden said Wednesday.

Retreat and retrench isn’t a good strategy — although it is sometimes a necessary strategy.

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Surprise! You’re a soldier!

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And Man Did I Skew the Stats

You wish you lived in Colorado.

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With 65% reporting, and Clinton up by 5,000+ votes, it’s time to call New Hampshire for Hillary. Nice try, Barack, but the knockout just didn’t happen.

How’d I do? Man, I suck at predictions.

I thought McCain vs Romney would come down to a few hundred or a couple thousand votes. Instead, it was a bit of a blowout for McCain. Also, I thought Paul would get 10% or better in third place. Dr Paul came in fifth at less than 8%. I was wrong, but I’m giggling. Where were all of the Paulistinians in America’s most libertarian state? Hmm? Having a few internet ballot-box stuffers does not a campaign make.

I’m a little shocked that New Hampshire voters went for Huckabee in much bigger numbers than for Paul. And a little disappointed in them, too. But, hey, it’s not like they picked the Huckster to win, and that makes New Hampshire about eight times smarter than Iowa.

For the Democrats, I thought Obama had a shot at breaking 45%, leaving Clinton with less than 30%. Couldn’t have called that more wrong — unless I’d gone off my meds and predicted a big Kucinich surge. But if Venus ever becomes an American colony… then look out, because Dennis is comin’ on strong!

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Everybody has McCain pegged as the easy winner, even at this early hour. So, safe to say he’s got New Hampshire in the bag. Take that, Mitt. I don’t like McCain, and I think he’d make a lousy president. But unlike Mitt, I know where McCain stands somewhat better than half the time. That makes him the lesser evil, and a great foil tonight for getting Romney out of the race.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that last point.

And Hillary is ahead of Obama? By four points? I’m telling you, you’ve got to run a stake through the heart, separate the head from the body, burn the remains and scatter the ashes in heavy winds if you want to put a Clinton down for good.

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I’m not the only one seeing a Barack Obama/Bobby Kennedy connection.

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Ted Bronson and Hazel Stone are blogging.

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I’m just about the last guy in the world anyone would expect to come to Ron Paul’s aid, which is precisely why I should do it in this case. But this hit piece in The New Republic is just that — a hit piece.

The gist of James Kirchick’s great big exclusive pile of muck is that Paul is a racist, a bigot, a homophobe, cheats at solitaire and doesn’t always courtesy flush when doing the deuce in public bathrooms. And you have to admit, there’s some pretty damning stuff in the article, most of it culled from Paul’s old newsletter from decades ago.

Fact of the matter is, Paul’s newsletter was ghostwritten. And, when Paul found out what was getting printed with his name on it, he put an end to it. But there’s no news here — this particular story had been brought up, and promptly debunked, months ago. Why TNR is suddenly treating it as news is anyone’s guess, especially if anyone’s initials happen to be “Primary Voter.”

There’s also the case of a $500 campaign donation from the neo-Nazi Stormfront group which Paul accepted and declined to return. I would find Stormfront’s money too tainted to touch. However, Paul does make a certain, mercenary sense when he argues that [wildly paraphrasing from memory], hey, the stupid people have $500 less and we have $500 more. In fact, I took a look at a lot of this same stuff while writing a anti-Paul cover story for The New Individualist back in October [Jan/Feb issue], and concluded that I had to take Paul at his word on this one, even if “he doesn’t always make it easy.”

Do I think Paul should have shown better judgement in hiring and firing writers? You bet. Would I take money from avowed racists? No way. Then again, I’ve always found Paul’s judgement to be suspect, on those few occasions where it wasn’t just plain old wrong.

All that said, Paul has publicly praised — in his own, non-ghostwritten words — Martin Luther King, Jr and Mohammed Ali. And, again in his own words, Paul has denounced racism as “simply an ugly form of collectivism.” Now it’s no secret that you’ll find a lot of closeted (and not-so-closeted) racists in Paul’s legion of fans. Just check out the comments over here. But there are nutcases of every stripe attached to Team Paul. He’s like the pied piper of Arkham Asylum.

Fact is, Ron Paul is a lot of things. He’s a conspiracy-theory nut, a gold fetishist, and an old-fashioned populist phony posing as a defender of liberty and the Constitution. What he’s not is a racist.

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If what seems to be going on today in New Hampshire is really happening, then it’s time to drop the Obama = JFK comparisons. The Kennedy he reminds me of most – or, rather, that his support reminds me of – is Robert Kennedy in 1968.

Think about it. The vigorous, relatively youthful insurgent generates a real groundswell among independents and the young, knocking aside a tired incumbent who supported an unpopular war.

Forty years later, it’s still an exciting story, even if you don’t necessarily approve of all the players.

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The Drudge Report headline, complete with flash siren, reads: “EPIC TURNOUT FOR DEMS — We Are Out of Ballots!”

Let me tell you something. Hillary Clinton is not driving that kind of turnout. If the Dems really are running out of ballots, then I think Obama has a real shot at 45% or better in New Hampshire today.

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