Such a Nice Little Neighborhood, Too
Moving a little slowly right now. Woke up to the sound of the car alarm. Yep, a break-in. No damage, no one hurt — but I still need some coffee and to settle down a bit. Twenty minutes VodkaPundit will back back to normal business.
Such a Nice Little Neighborhood, Too
For MY 16th Birthday, I Wanted A Nice Bottle of Red, Not Too Tannic
For those who missed last night’s post: Yes, I was made aware that the drunken teens statistic was a damn lie. You can read my apology here.
But Does Frank Have Any Short Jokes About Robert Reich?
Just when I thought I was El Supremo of the celebrity one-line put-down, here comes Dr. Frank. In this fun post, he calls Noam Chomsky a “senile academic demagogue gnome.”
And that’s one of the nicer things the Good Doctor says. Read the whole thing.
Would You Like Curry With That?
More good news from the biggest potential member of the Anglosphere, courtesy of Fred Pruitt.
According to this Times of India story, President Bush seeks to “intensify economic and defence collaboration with India.”
You can find my original hope for a very close and friendly relationship with India by clicking here.
It Only Sounds Harsh Because He Means It That Way
Thanks to cloning techniques and embryonic research, and otherwise against the odds, a baby was born without the Alzeimer’s gene.
The 30-year-old mother, who is not named, carries a form of Alzeimer’s that will surely strip her of her mind sometime in the next 10 years. This dominant version was certain to be passed on to any child she might bear — without the help of medical science, that is.
So will you anti-science weasels please now shut up?
To Whom It May Concern
Someone is becoming a very frequent reader from the Popsite domain. I know this, because you’re Googiling me every time you visit. I appreciate the engine hits, I really do. But do yourself a favor and bookmark VodkaPundit. You’ll find it much easier to find it that way.
A Long Post, But Size Does Count. So Read It Already
Roll Out the Blogger, We’ll Have a Blogger of Fun
For his unusually well-reasoned posts, for his love of a good single malt (I’m an Oban guy myself), but mostly for his ability to work multiple Steely Dan song titles into a single sentence, Charles Austin’s Sine Qua Non Pundit is officially blogrolled.
Since I prefer my heavy news early, you’ll find Charles under Hair o’ the Dog.
NOTE: I know I promised no more singing headlines, but what the hell — it’s late.
The Czech Judge Didn’t Approve of Our Uniforms
SatireWire out-onions The Onion. The story kicks off with, “Despite making what most observers agreed were “obvious technical errors,” such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French judge said they won on presentation.”
It gets funnier.
Just Don’t Drop the Soap
Once again, Dan’s super-fine ass shines through at Happy Fun Pundit. Just click and you’ll understand.
Drunken Teenage Sluts Part II
DailyPundit brought to my attention that the study I quoted earlier claiming that 25% of all booze in this country is consumed by teenagers, is woefully incorrect. The actual figure, according to the New York Times, is under 12%.
1) The initial figure was probably accurate from 1982-1989. VodkaPundit was born in 1969 — you do the math.
2) The initial figure will probably be correct again within a few months of the onset my midlife crisis.
3) Even if neither of the above two items come true, a man can still dream, can’t he?
SorkinWatch Evening Edition
Our spy’s notebook contains the following entries:
5:15pm Munchies strike. Early dinner of Stouffer’s Five-Cheese Lasagna, eaten with spoon.
5:31pm Turns on CBS News on kitchen TV. (We figured he’d watch Rather)
5:33pm Talking at TV, calls Bush an “asshole.” Still, no traitorous reamarks.
6:00pm Turns off TV, plots overthrow of all existing order.
(Sorry, we made up that last one just to spike things up a bit)
6:14pm Tells telemarketer to screw off.
6:48pm Finished doing dishes, takes a hit and then takes nap
8:25pm Hits snooze alarm and misses premiere of Watching Ellie
Once again, readers, we’ll keep you informed of all the amazing activites in the average day of a high-powered TV executive!
Those Feisty Brunettes Do It to Me Every Time
Maybe I just like watching Julia Louis-Dreyfus run around in a hot little red dress. Maybe I just like watching something new and fresh. Whatever, I just like Watching Ellie.
Julia is gorgeous and funny as always, and — I never knew! — has a lovely voice for jazz standards. I hope every show features a song. Even her band was tight. The Daily Show‘s Steve Carrell was perfectly annoying as the ex-boyfriend, and Darren Boyd as the current boyfriend looks and sounds like a young, blonde John Cleese.
I watch maybe four TV shows a week. Now it’s five. Good stuff. Set your VCR.
So Do Recycled Newspapers Go In the Debit or Credit Column?
We’ve read that some environmental groups use junk science — but junk bonds? William Quick points the way to this unusual story that’s not getting a lot of play.
That’s right, Ken Lay thought he could use the Kyoto Treaty to slam you into paying Enron more money while crippling the rest of the economy. Still mad that Enron Tanked?
Seems more like sweet justice to me.
This One Will Generate Some Googles
Mandatory reading from Dick Morris (no, really) in today’s New York Post. I would have found this hours ago, were I not wasting time with the silly SorkinWatch and Drunken Teen Sex Debate. Where has the day gone?
SorkinWatch: The Banality of… Um… Banality
Spy notebooks list the following
12:01pm Aaron returns home from Starbucks. Drops empty latte cup on sidewalk
12:10pm Two hits off bong. Sitting in front of typewriter and small mirror with razor blade.
1:15pm Two “West Wing” scripts and “A Return to Sports Night” pilot script complete
1:20pm Phone call from agent. Unintelligible, other than repeated use of phrase “you can’t make me.”
1:30pm-2:48pm Watching TVLand. Once shouted an obscentiy at Wilbur, but still nothing even remotely seditious.
2:48pm-3:48pm Watching TVLand with a fresh bottle of Jack and a crumpled softpack of Camel Lights.
We’re all up to date now. More exciting details as our spies report in!
It’s Just that Kind of Day
The new issue of Time just arrived in my mailbox. The cover asks, “Can Bono save the world?”
Punchline A: I dunno. Can smoking cure cancer?
Punchline B: I thought he died skiing.
Tom Clancy Drool-Fest Alert
Now this is just cool. Steven J. Cole writes in Strategy Page:
The US Navy has now decided to convert four (instead of just two) Trident missile submarines to carry conventional cruise missiles. Moreover, it is studying new kinds of warheads and payloads for the missiles, as well as new missiles. Some possibilities include a supersonic missile to hit targets that are likely to move, an unmanned recon drone that could be lofted over the target by a cruise missile and then extend wings and cruise like an aircraft, and various kinds of bomblets, penetrating warheads, or fuel-air explosives.
Boomers are big (the size of a WWII aircraft carrier), they’re slow, and they steer like an Ohio cow. But there’s not a nation on earth that can find ours. Hell, we usually can’t even find ours. A guy I knew briefly back in my Arcata days used to work sonor for an advanced Los Angeles-class attack sub in Squadron 22 out of Groton, I think. He had a great little sea story…
The were on mock patrol, hunting for an Ohio-class missile boat that was doing the world’s best impression of falling into a hole and dragging the hole away. The sonor guy thought he maybe heard something that might have possibly somehow been the boomer, then it was gone. The Captain logged it — and later they both got very nice marks in their dossiers. You see, when the two sub skippers had their notes compared after the exercise, it turns out they had heard the boomer — they just didn’t know it at the time.
So our very best hunter-killers can maybe sometimes find one of our SSBNs under ideal circumstances, but surely no Axis of Evil country can. And when coverted for “conventional” attack work, there’s not a nation on earth they won’t be able to sneak up on, hurt badly, and then slink away.
And That Includes the Ones Aaron Sorkin Doesn’t Know
Headline from Drudge (although the link wasn’t working last time I checked): Teens Drink Quarter of All Alcohol Consumed in U.S.
So explain to me then why I still found it damn near impossible to get laid in high school.
“The Amazing Kristof”
Early this morning I took issue (surprise!) with Nicolas Kristof’s Tuesday NYT column. For an even smarter (although less smart-ass) appraisal, get your self over to Smarter Times.
Thanks to Sarge for that headline — but I’m gonna figure out a Kreskin joke one of these days.
11:40am Conspiracy theorists, take note. Starbucks employee Condoleeza (not her real name) claims to have no recollection of Sorkin saying anything treasonous while giving his order or while standing in line. She also claims not to remember whether he asked for a “little” cinnamon, or “a dusting” of cinnamon. Certainly sounds like a cover-up.
So What Are You Still Doing Here?
Hypertext novelty songs! Yes, the latest from Will Warren serves not just as great entertainment, but further proof that he is a genius.
On the other hand, I’m a semi-philistine, so take my opinions cultural with a grain of salt. Or perhaps an entire salt lick.
But whatever you do, read Will’s Such A Disagreeable Man.
Right About NOW
I’m probably the last blogger to link to the latest Wendy McElroy on Fox, but I needed an excuse to use that semi-witty headline.
If I’m late with the links, it’s because like Ken Layne, I don’t believe that getting to work early — or even waking up before brunch — is a virtue.
Juan’s Bucket O’ Really Fine Rants
I just didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with Pual Krugman’s latest Brush with Idiocy today — so I’m extra-glad Juan Gato did such a smash-up job of it. A takedown of Krugman better than even Sullivan has done in weeks.
Worth your time. Check it out.
SorkinWatch — Midday Edition
Our Los Angeles Celebrity Spy Network has the following notebook entries on “The West Wing” producer Aaron Sorkin’s latest activities.
9:00am No political talk, still asleep upright on sofa. “Today Show” blaring on TV. Jack D spilled
9:37am Shuffles off sofa. Searches bedroom for bong, finds it on sofa in living room. Quick morning pick-me-up.
10:17am No shower, yesterday’s clothes, puts on baseball cap and heads to Starbucks. Impossible to determine if that was a lowfat halfcaff latte or a regular latte. Will be sending intern in to dig through trash for reciept.
More exciting details on the life and times of this political dynamo/TV genius coming soon.
Caution: Many Bad Puns Ahead
From Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s Wire Service Is Another Man’s Rectal Exam”) we learn that Ohio’s Renegade cow has, after 11 days on the run, been captured. In case you hadn’t, um, heard, the cow escaped from a slaughterhouse before it could, uh, meet its maker. Kowtowing to its new celebrity status, a Ken Meyer Meats representitive said they have decided to let bessie live.
Then this, “Marge Schott, the former owner of the Cincinnati Reds’ baseball team, has said the cow can have a new home on her farm. ” Asked for comment, the cow simply walked back into the slaughterhouse.
Maybe Not That Soon
Yes, kids — Blogger is cranky again today. I offered it some of my coffee, but to no avail. Hang in there — I’m sure Ev will have the problem fixed before there’s a new Pope.