VodkaPundit Is Not a Gay Black Man. Or at Least Not Yet.
Like every Thursday night, I watched a hot’n'fresh episode of The Jack and Karen Show. Quickly, the Will & Grace Go Apartment Hunting bit was classic — I’ll never be able to hear the VodkaFianc
VodkaPundit Is Not a Gay Black Man. Or at Least Not Yet.
And You Thought the Jokes Here Were Bad?
Just a day after I go and write very kind words about Sine Qua Non and even blogroll Charles Austin’s site — and this is how he pays me back:
“What if we could convince Stephen Green of VodkaPundit fame to toss aside his fetching fiance’ and try to woo Natalie Solent of nataliesolent fame. Then she could be Natalie Solent-Green.”
Groan. And fat chance me ditching Melissa. If there’s such a thing as soul mates…
Anyway, go visit Chuck’s site. He’s smart and funny and all — even if he did spend nine years down south in Allybammer.
Holy Shit No Way Department
So I’m checking my hit counter, seeing if I’d bested yesterday’s second-best-ever performance, when — whoa! where’d those 200+ plus hits come from? Is Tim Blair reading my stuff again?
Nope. I just got my paper graded by the Prof.
If you’re just one-tenth the Letterman fan I am, go to Drudge immediately.
Tom Clancy Drool Fest Part II
From Strategy Page, we have a wish list of new toys Special Forces want after their experiences in Afghanistan:
A lightweight counter-mortar radar (already in development) which can detect incoming mortar shells from any direction. This device is carried in two parts and can be assembled in 30 minutes.
Officially cool. Small-unit counter-battery fire possibilities.
Collapsible unmanned aerial vehicles (already in development) that can be carried in a backpack and deployed for long periods to “look over the next hill”.
Extremely cool. But just for Special Forces? I want one of those for spotting cops on I-25 on the way up to Denver.
New laser designators that are lighter, smaller, and have longer range.
Not cool. Just refinement of existing toys.
Improved radios that can function in caves, in built-up areas, and over mountains.
Not cool, but very, very necessary. Read more Kaplan to find out why.
Small vehicles able to operate over narrow tracks and provide motorized mobility for teams.
Uncool. Sounds like an old Suzuki Sidekick.
Lighter and smaller batteries that last longer.
Very cool. Sure to be a hit from now on at every bridal shower.
Everybody Meets at #10
The “aimless” War on Terror is taking new shape, with Tony Blair preparing his countrymen for the ouster of Saddam Hussein. Blair has not only stated that Saddam is a threat to world peace, but The Times reports that he will travel to Washington in April, “for what is increasingly being seen as a war summit.”
It’s a shame that Blair and President Bush won’t be meeting in a more storied Allied war summit town — Casablanca. Nonetheless, I think this could be the continuation of a beautiful friendship.
I’d Rather Stub My Toe Than Be Behind Someone With a Checkbook in the Express Line
Sarge is back again with yet another vengeance. “I’d rather have my balls gnawed off by rabid sewer rats than go through the hassle of car buying.”
Only this time, Sarge does the gnawing and the dealer finds his manhood on a platter. Good reading. Check it out.
They Built One Rocket That Surrendered to Luxembourg
Finally, we may have a method of getting reliable atmospheric data. What do you want to bet that no matter what the satilite finds, the results will be used to “prove” Chicken Little assumptions about global warming and/or a new ice age?
This could all be moot, however. The giant satilite is being hoisted into orbit aboard a French Ariane Five rocket — which has a 30% failure rate.
We LOVE Typos!
By the time Blogger is letting me post again, the following headline will probably be fixed. But it has to be shared.
Now, for your entertainment pleasure, allow me to present the latest screw-up from Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s News Service Is Another Man’s Wet Hacking Cough”):
Apparently, Osama bin Laden had some sort of crack suicide voting squad in place in ’92 and ’96, stuffing ballot boxes from coast to coast. Developing…
UPDATE: Four-plus hours later, and Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s Typo Is Another Man’s Bad Running Joke”) still hasn’t pulled the story or corrected the headline. Shh! No telling — we don’t ruin a good thing.
Omphalos Better Keep More Notes
Happy Fun Pundit’s Steve went on a major roll yesterday, and I didn’t catch it until just now.
Posts include SatanWatch, Bill Clinton as a loser ex-jock, Hillary & Laura hot lesbo action (so I exaggerate), Castro & Conspiracy, and common-sense bioethics. It’s like Jeopardy categories for madmen. Check it out.
The only question is, when can we expect Uthant to return with fresh material?
That’s Not a Wonderbra, She’s Just Happy About the News
Natalija Radic with news out of Bosnia that I haven’t seen here yet. Mass murderer Radovan Karadzic maybe about to meet his well-earned fate.
Saving Private Ryan from Calais
Steven Den Beste with an excellent look at Operation Fortitude and the “closure” of OSI. Read it and smile.
Germany, Japan, now China
Today’s StratFor, via WorldNetDaily.
As it continues to integrate with the global economy, Beijing’s struggle to balance economic reforms with social stability is growing increasingly difficult….Beijing is extremely concerned that China’s growing ranks of unemployed may become an unmanageable problem that would create social disorder and undermine the nation’s economic reform programs
Japan, Inc. East Asian Enron?
From the Washington Post: “One week after assuring President Bush of his determination to press ahead with painful economic reforms, Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi unveiled an ‘anti-deflation’ package that promised stricter bank inspections and signaled government willingness to use taxpayer money to shore up troubled lenders. But the plan, released late Wednesday after a meeting of a Koizumi’s council of economic advisors, drew mostly scorn from analysts and investors, many of whom dismissed it as a vague restatement of current policies.”
There you have it. Koizumi, the supposed Elvis of Japanese politics, turns out to be the fat, lazy Elvis of the Vegas years. That’s all he could come up with?
Everyone in Japan knows what must be done: Write off bad debt, allow bad banks to fail, provide an RTC-type corporation to deal with any assets, and deregulate farms and the consumer economy. Tall order? You bet. But not one person of any political influence in Japan, not even their hip, new Prime Minister, is willing to lay even one of those cards on the table. To make matters worse, he’s promising even more money (which the government doesn’t have) to continue to prop up rickety banks.
As a result, Japan is being industrially “hollowed out.” Sure, we lose jobs to China and Mexico and everywhere else — but we lose the low profit margin, low labor skill, can-build-it-most-anywhere jobs. Sorry, textile workers and get screwed, Pat Buchanan — we don’t need domestic sweaters that badly for the Gap. the jobs we keep here are in computers and aviation and ideas. These are the steel mills and coal plants of the 21ist Century. Japan, however, is losing its entire industrial base — to China, South Korea, and elsewhere — because they are unwilling to take the necessary steps to save their economy.
So how do we fix Japan? We can’t. And the whole world is going to pay a big price.
Best Google Ever
Top this one, fellow Bloggers. I just scored fifth for “funny pictures of khamenei.”
I don’t know who was looking for those pictures, but I’d like to shake their hand.
Emily Jones, my favorite Bellicose Girl (her word!) sends me comedy gold from Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s Global News Gatherer Is Another Man’s Kindey Punch”). That’s right, kids — The Case of the Severed Penis has been solved.
A lingering mystery involving what appeared to be a severed human penis found in a Nebraska car wash has been solved, police have said, with tests showing the organ was a cow’s teat.
Yeah, they were certain even at first that whatever it was, it hadn’t been circumcised.
“I’ve learned more about cow parts and human parts in the past two weeks than I cared to,” said Police Chief Larry Thoren.
Thoren went on to say, “Them cows is smart — they got teats. ‘Ceptin they sometimes look like a male organ. Can I say ‘male organ’ in a family paper?”
Police launched a possible homicide investigation after the part was found near a vacuum cleaner at a car wash in Hastings on February 12. Local medical officials said they thought it resembled a human penis and it was sent off to a state crime laboratory for further tests.
Industrial vacuum cleaners… mystery flesh must be severed male human penis body part… What do Nebraska cops do in their lonely free time that would make them jump to such a conclusion?
Thoren said test results showed it to be a cow’s teat, nothing udder.
Do yourself a favor and leave the jokes to the Bloggers, pal.
This Is All Tongue-in-Cheek, Right?
Andrew Dodge attacks the Prof again! From today’s DodgeBlog:
It would be most amusing to find out that the way of getting brownie points with the Prof, if your[sic] his student, is to put in a few hours surfing the net for good stuff. That would explain some of the eclectic nature of some of the links.
Andrew, what about the eclectic nature of the stuff you’ll find right here? I don’t have any students, just too much free time and too big a mouth. It can be done as a solo effort, especially when you have Glenn’s readership. He gets a lot of emails from people with tips.
In fact, I seem to recall a little brouhaha between Andrew and the Prof about that very issue not so long ago…
I think someone is playing class clown, trying to get teacher’s attention again.
Do They Not Even Read Their Own Paper?
More economic idiocy from the NYT. Just read the lead: “Ten years ago, in the economic boom after German reunification, nothing seemed capable of stopping this country.” Actually, they’re thinking of 1940 and the Ardennes forest.
Go back to 1989, and you’ll find plenty of economists (admittedly of the Chicago or Austrian schools) who said (out loud even) that Germany’s tightly regulated markets, constrictive labor laws, and generous welfare benefits would lead to exactly the sort of high-unemployment, economic stalemate they’ve experienced the last few years. Even in growth times, Germany experiences unemployments rates close to double digits.
Next sentence: “Now, nothing seems capable of starting it up.” Have the Germans tried repealing regulations, or relaxing union control of industry, or paring down unemployment benefits? Until they’ve tried all three (and in the order I listed) then no one can claim that “nothing” will lift Germany out of recession.
It gets better: “Germany’s long-term pattern resembles a much milder version of the stagnation Japan is going through
Now That’s What I Call Unbiased Reporting
Good economic news from the New York Times. Propelled by strong consumer spending and leftover “Clinton-era policies,” the “Bush recession” may be over.
OK, they didn’t actually say that, but they sure as hell wanted to.
Nothing Going on Here. Details at Six.
There were Grammys last night, and, as I understand, some winners. I’d love to give you witty commentary or a funny rundown, but I quit listening to the radio (and almost all new music) when I left the business almost ten years ago.
Working at Top 40 stations for four years can do that to you.
Not a Job With a Good Severance Package, Unless You Meant a Severed Head
Eqyptian President Hosni Mubarak is poo-pooing the Saudi “peace plan” for the Middle East. For those with bad memories or strong yawn reflexes, Crown Prince Abdullah’s Big Idea was for Israel to pull back to its near-indefensible 1967 borders and to pretend the last 35 years never happened, in exchange for vague Arab promises of somethingorother.
But I doubt Mubarak is dismissing the plan because he knows it can’t or won’t work. You don’t stay in power long in a country like Egypt without having a strong sense of how policies will play out politically at home. I think Mubarak knows that his people are frustrated with the “Cold Peace” they already have with Israel, and any further overtures could find him out of a job.
If There Is a God, He Has a Strong Sense of Irony
Ya gotta love Dennis Miller. Really. Except for his Monday Night Football gig. Made me think that MNF was finally played out. Words fail to describe just how amazingly terribly bad he was. SNL Weekend Update? Loved it. The Dennis Miller Show? Where do you think VodkaPundit learned to rant. MNF? Fuggidabboudit.
So I read a minute ago that Miller is out. Gone. Fired. Back to HBO with thee.
Then I read that he might be replaced septuagenarian summer sausage John Madden. Is there no justice to be found here on this Earth?
Don’t Bother Telling Me If They Threaten to Hold Their Breath
Ananova reports (link from Drudge) that 300 Camp X-Ray prisoners are on a hunger strike.
Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s Wire Service Is Another Man’s Shin Splints”) brings word that Tom Daschle is “disappointed” in the way President Bush is handling the war effort.
OK, so Daschle didn’t say “disappointed,” but only because he forgot is notecards.
Instead, the South Dakota senator said “the war lacks “clear direction.” Tom, first you say you don’t like the very clear direction (Axis of Evil) that Bush signaled last month, now you claim there is no direction. Which is it? Is there an Axis of Evil or a formless void? You make the call.
Worse than Daschle’s idiocy, which was nothing more than political opportunism, was the Republican response. Mississippi Senator Trent Lott shot back with, “How dare [he] criticize President Bush while we are fighting our war.”
There you have it — instead simply calling out Daschle on the facts (as this blog was able to do on little sleep and half a cup of coffee), Republicans are simply going to respond to any criticism with thinly veiled charges of treason. Tell me again why I argued last week in favor of having two strong political parties?
Bitch Moan Whine
Insomnia and phone calls interrupting what little sleep I did get — you’ll understand the slow start today. Hang in there — I’m up now and the caffeine is kicking in.
Can I beat the Prof three days running on just four hours sleep?
Holy Shit No Way Department
Our most literary prose blogger, Ken Layne, is now the ninth most-linked anything in the Blogosphere.
Congrats, Ken. I don’t know if there’s any money, but you certainly deserve it.
Not Every Movie Is Rated G
Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s International News Agency Is Another Man’s Oozing Sore”) reports that a 9/11 victim’s group is asking that CBS not air the more graphic footage captured by a French film crew at the Twin Towers just before the collapse. CBS plans to air a special based partly on the footage March 10.
I’m of mixed feelings about this. I’m not sure I want to see anything quite that brutal — but I also don’t think my feelings (and they are just feelings) should deny to others what should prove to be a powerful viewing experience. Also, I’m damn sure we’re grown up enough as a nation to do so. This isn’t the Daniel Pearl video, which primarily effects only his widow, and which can only provide some sick voyeuristic thrill. The horrors of 9/11 are national horrors that drew us all into war.
I feel for the families. But I can’t argue that their feelings should count any more than anyone else’s. Only facts matter, and those should be in plain television view come March 10.
At Least the Pope is No Racist
Pope John Paul II, now so senile as to sound like Pat Buchanan, claims that abortion could lead to the fall of democracy. Continuing to mumble, the pontiff went on to accuse halitosis of starting World War I, and laid blame for the fall of Classical Greece square at the feet of meningitis.
When an especially sharp reporter pointed out to John Paul that meningitis has no feet, the Pope shrugged and asked for a cookie.