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Let’s Save California Now!

February 16th, 2014 - 3:41 pm

4. The Silicon Valley Transparency and Fair Jobs Act

This “Google Good Citizen Act” would set up a regional board to monitor commerce in the San Francisco, San Mateo, and Santa Clara tri-county area. The state regulatory commission would monitor offshore investment, outsourcing, and unionization. All commercial entities, with over 100 employees, would be in violation and face state fines if: 1) the number of a firm’s employees overseas accounted for 10% or more of the workforce currently employed within the tri-county Silicon Valley area; 2)  more than 1% of the current capitalization of a Silicon Valley company were deposited in banks outside the United States;  and 3)  more than 50% of a tri-county company’s workforce were non-union. Aim: To ensure progressive Silicon Valley commercial businesses are caring progressive state citizens.

5. The California Firearms Safety Act

The “No Guns for Grandees Act” would forbid private security details to be armed with handguns or semi-automatic long guns. It would allow private security personnel to be armed only with paintball, BB or pellet guns. Aim: To prevent unnecessary armed deterrence by private security units in the hire of the affluent.

6. The Fair Housing Adjustment Act

The “Everywhere an Atherton Act” would tax all private residential square footage in excess of 1800 square feet at four times the current per square foot assessment. Aim: It would ensure state resources are equally distributed and not inordinately siphoned off to a small minority of the state population. Would encourage existing large homes to downsize through reverse remodeling.

7. The High-speed Rail Equality Act

The “Start It in Menlo Park Act” would require all high-speed rail to begin construction in sequential fashion, beginning at the designated start of the proposed route. It forbids building out of sequence before beginning segments are completed. Aim: To ensure commuters in Los Angeles and San Francisco will have priority in construction, avoiding privileging Fresno-to-Corcoran commuters, where construction of the first link of the high-speed rail line is slated to begin.

8. The Climate Change Adjustment  and Fair Temperature Act

This “Tulare Becomes Carmel Act” would order PG&E and Southern California Edison to assess a 30% surcharge on kilowatt rates of those residents in areas where the yearly mean high temperatures did not exceed 85 degrees and low temperatures did not go below 40 degrees. Accruing revenue would subsidize those living in hot summer and cold winter climates of the state, to ensure that they had access to affordable heating and cooling. Aim: To ensure every Californian the right to live in a house with temperatures at 75 degrees.

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Top Rated Comments   
A half century, Malcolm Muggeridge stipulated that there's no way for any satirist to improve upon real life for its pure absurdity. All of us in California are forced to suffer, as Sacramento lives out Muggeridge's Law every day.
35 weeks ago
35 weeks ago Link To Comment
It's only February, and this will probably be the greatest post of 2014 - anywhere.
35 weeks ago
35 weeks ago Link To Comment
Brilliance. Magnificence.
35 weeks ago
35 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (113)
All Comments   (113)
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Not my responsibility. I decided to "save" myself 30 years ago and moved, never to return.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
You are a diabolical genius.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
I would like to add the California Food Equity Act. Why do the 1% get to shop at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods and the rest make do with chain supermarkets? Every Californian with an income under $20,000 should get a yearly gift card to TJs or WF (their choice) for not less than $1,000. That would improve the diet of the most needy and give a boost to retail for these stores. If you want to get fancy, ban use of the card for soda, snack foods, and sugary desserts.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
The sad thing is I made it to the BB-guns before thinking of satire.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
Such is the absurdity of the age in which we live. It's hard to satirize a "reality" which seems already to be mocking itself.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Tim Draper filed a ballot initiative in December stating that because of recent social and economic changes California has become “nearly ungovernable.”
He proposed dividing California into six states. San Diego and Orange County would make up “South California.” “West California” would include Los Angeles and Santa Barbara, while Bakersfield, Fresno and Stockton would make up the larger “Central California.” San Francisco and San Jose would be in the new “Silicon Valley.” “North California” would include the Sacramento area, and “Jefferson” would be home to the Redding and Eureka areas.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2014/02/petition-to-split-california-into-six-states-gets-green-light/#.UwXr6NBJH6A.facebook
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
while I enjoyed the satire, these proposals are probably being seriously studied in the California state house in Sacramento. my proposal is to give California best to Mexico
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
What is the sense of moving elsewhere? When Golden Staters re-locate they take their lib-prog voting habits with them. They are the constant reminder of Einstein's theory of insanity.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
I was almost on the floor laughing while I read this. It's brilliant! I'm not sure which proposed law I liked the most.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
Ah let's don't and say we did: governor Moonbeam can do it all for us.
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
This is absolutely wonderful!

PJMedia and VDH - can we *please* get these started as CA Propositions? Lots of Conservatives will vote for them, as well as LIV liberals, who don't realize they're being mocked.

How can we find a pro-bono lawyer who will get these suitable for Propositions?
34 weeks ago
34 weeks ago Link To Comment
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