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Works and Days

President Obama’s New American Vocabulary

July 14th, 2013 - 11:07 pm

Of all the many changes that the Obama administration has enacted over the last five years, the least remarked upon are the strange changes in our vocabulary. To fathom the shifting meaning of words, here is a guide to the new Obama lexicon.

Affordable Care Act: Mostly unaffordable, uncaring, and inactive.

Assault Weapon: Paint your .22 black and add a plastic handle.

Associated Press: Leakers who dared to challenge the White House monopoly.

Baby: Punishment for a mistake.

Benghazi: We won’t have any more because one video-maker is now in prison.

Berlin Wall: Analogous to the Cold War fence that kept out German illegal aliens from entering a free East Berlin.

Biden: Buffoonery after it becomes boring.

Buffett: He alone built that.

Carney: Ron Ziegler lives!

Cashing in: A practice finally ended when Hillary Clinton and Lisa Jackson left office.

Coal: A toxic rock that the crazy Chinese believe makes heat.

Corporate Jet Owners: Sort of like Air Force One.

Corpsmen: Zombies.

Courts: Revolutionary tribunals.

“Cowards”: Everybody but “my people.”

Debt: What debt?

Debt Ceilings: Only Senate cowards vote not to raise them.

Deficits: Ex-presidents incurred them.

Diversity: Endangered by locking up mass-murdering Maj. Hasan.

Drones: Sophisticated, humane military tools in the hands of the right commander in chief.

Enemies: Ours are to be punished at home, while courted abroad.

Erdogan: A valuable and trusted anti-Semite, racist, and religious bigot.

Filibusters: Unpatriotic obstructionism begun in 2007.

Genocide: An American crime unknown to the Germans, Hutus, and Turks.

Guantanamo: Virtually closed as promised.

Hawaii: Now in Asia.

Hope and Change: 2016.

Illegal Aliens: See undocumented workers.

Interest: It no longer exists.

Fast and Furious: More often a slow and methodical death.

Fat Cat: The new Al Gore.

Fifty-seven states: A trick question on Harvard Law School exams.

First Amendment: So long, glad to have known you.

Food Stamps: Never stamps and not always for food.

Fracking: Produces way too much unnecessary energy and money.

George Zimmerman: Does not look like the son Obama might have had.

George Zimmerman Trial: An indictment of white male America, when a female judge instructs an all-female jury in a case involving a Latino shooting an African-American — with pretrial input from an African-American president and attorney general.

Golf: A populist sport necessary to relieve the weekly tensions of average-guy presidents.

Global Warming: Along with rising seas, mostly ended by the president in 2009.

Green: Alternative sources of money.

IRS: Investigation of right-wing suspects.

Israel: A boring free-market democracy surrounded by rich cultural diversity.

Jihad: A sort of personal journey to be posted on Facebook.

Law: Can occasionally be enforced against the right people.

Leading from Behind: Or rather following from the front.

Lobbyists: Disappeared from government in 2009.

Lying: Speaking untruth except when doing so before the Congress and under oath.

“Make No Mistake About It”: Something neither “perfectly clear” nor “in point of fact.”

Media: The Ministry of Truth.

Money: You have made enough of it already.

Muslim Brotherhood: Secular, at least largely.

Muslims: Those who also worship Jesus but without the bothersome bible thumping.

NSA: Add another A and it would be an Islamic outreach agency.

Nuclear Option: To be outlawed, except in the Senate.

ObamaCare: Sort of read, sort of passed, sort of enacted, sort of ended.

One-percenter: Obama fundraisers.

Police: Act stupidly.

Profile: Typical white person.

Profit: Not the time to.

Race: Cowards never talk about it.

Recess Appointments: Hardly “damaged goods.”

Renditions: Valuable anti-terrorism protocols once George Bush left office.

Reset: Turning neutrals into enemies.

Revolving Door: Abuses ended by those like Peter Orszag.

Sequesters: Forced on fiscally sober presidents by uncaring, callous opponents.

Spiking the Ball: You avoid that by mentioning a dead Osama bin Laden ad nauseam.

Spread the Wealth: Tuition at Sidwell Friends.

Spying: OK on friends, suspicious when on others.

Taxes: Never were raised on those who pay more of them.

Tea Party: Presidentially referenced sex act.

Terrorism: Endemic among returning Iraqi veterans and Christian fundamentalists.

Transparent: Say it enough and it happens.

Typical White Person: Jorge Meza Zimmerman.

Undocumented Workers: Never had documents and not all have worked.

Unemployment Rate: It depends on why you want to know.

White Hispanic: Not to be confused with white African-American.

Wind and Solar: Like farm subsidies without the farm.

Workplace Violence: Murdering 13 soldiers while yelling “Allahu Akbar.”

(Thumbnail on PJM homepage based on a modified image.)

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Top Rated Comments   
He forgot
"President":an intellectually lazy prevaricating racialist whose attempts to destroy this country thru balkanization will come to an end January of 2017. If we make it that far.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Our President has been a total disgrace to EVERYTHING the United States of America has stood for. President Obama is inarguably the most arrogant racist our country has ever had in a leadership position. When he doesn't get his way he uses "executive decision" to by-pass congress and our constitution to make laws the majority of our citizens do not agree with or support. I have the utmost respect for the office of The President, but I have no respect for the man who holds that office. Why would The President EVER incite division of his countries citizens unless his main purpose is to destroy the country. When are the citizens of the United States going to wake up? Obama has done sooo many impeachable things, yet our congress and senate refuse to act. I am not embarrassed to be an American but I am embarrassed of my President and his actions! President Obama is the worst President our nation has ever had!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
This new vocabulary dovetails nicely with the results of a multi-decade assault on education in general, making for a toxic citizenry consisting of low information fools incapable of the critical thinking necessary to laugh charlatans like Obama and his ilk out of office.
Kruschev was right. They did bury us from within.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (25)
All Comments   (25)
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Little Bro & Big Sis(until She resigned) are Watching: IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH; Carney as Chief Spokes boy of The Ministry of "TRUTH": He(BHO) is "Their WAY; The Lie and The Darkness: Lay-down your Cross-- on others --and 'Go follow him'"...
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Lies...Damn Lies...Statistics...PC...Orwellian New Speak/Duck Speak....Obama Speak~ Son of the Father of Lies( Pope Francis); Master of Mendacity/ KETMAN (Czeslaw Milosz)
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
You think Obuttboy is a bad president...wait until Hitlary becomes our first gay female president. Then you'll see some change'n around here. Men will problem have to sit down to piss or something...
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
LOVED this one: “Make No Mistake About It”:
Something neither “perfectly clear” nor “in point of fact.”

Unfortunately, we've known forever that when His Hiney-ness O. says "perfectly clear", it's a HUGE clue (much like a brilliant strobe light) that means "I'm LYING, I'm LYING - and I KNOW I'm lying!"
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
"Common man who cares for me": hang out with .1 percenters in Hollywood and Silicon Valley

"Vacation" -- staying at rich friends' mansions on Martha's Vineyard or taking separate tax-provided planes to Europe or Hawaii. And never to Chicago, where the house is, all while claiming Bush took more vacations -- to his own ranch, in Texas, that the media hated.

"Ending domestic surveillance" : increasing domestic surveillance ten fold

"Marriage" : a term 10,000 years old is what five robed judges say it means.

1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
American person - Replaces the old fashion terms "American citizen" and "illeagal immigrant." Be born here or enter the country any way you can and you automatically become an American person.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
He forgot
"President":an intellectually lazy prevaricating racialist whose attempts to destroy this country thru balkanization will come to an end January of 2017. If we make it that far.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Nice touch including the clip of the movie "1984" taking about "New Speak." Obozo is a tyrant just as the leader of Oceania!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
You forgot "man-caused disaster" formally known as terrorism.

New words are constantly replacing old words to cause confusion. The new word can be given a slightly different meaning.

I was just giving examples of all the words we used in high school that can now be considered offensive, all the while nothing about the situation has changed one bit. For example "cripple" has become a bad word. "Mentally retarded" -- bad word. It's best to do a word search before writing anything to find out if any of the words you regularly use has become a bad word since the last time you used it.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Newspeak straight out of Orwell.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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