What’s with this Geraldo guy and how is he still on television? I got off, he should get off. Okay, I’m dead, but he looks dead… and no one’s watching anyway. Who cares what Geraldo thinks about Egypt? I don’t even care what he thinks about Little Egypt (I’ll keep her for myself)…. As a wise man (me) once said, I’d never join a club that would have me as a member – or appear on Fox with Jerry Rivers. Roger Aisles, are you listening? Get rid of this guy, say the secret word and you get $50!
Holy Ghost of Socrates! Yesterday, in the year of our Lord 2011, 27 Januaris, President Barack Obama – a man of exceptional brilliance with a juris doctor from Harvard Universitatus honoris causa or cosi or cosi fan tutte or something like that – in a television interview confused Afghanistan with Iraq. I mean Iran and Iraq, you could almost understand it. They sound alike and have three of the same letters. But Afghanistan – it’s miles away and has big mountains.
There must be some explanation for this, I thought. And then, zounds, it all came clear to me. Remember a few days ago, during that huge snowstorm in Washington, they said the President was stuck in gridlock, out of contact. THAT was a deception. He was off having a brain implant from George Bush. It is in the only possible explanation for such an embarrassing gaffe… or my name isn’t Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush…. Oops, it’s Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff.
Do not be misled. Just because Washington is covered in snow up to an elephant’s pupik and the electricity hasn’t worked for two weeks, doesn’t mean there isn’t global warming. In fact, it’s the reverse. The colder it gets, the hotter it really is. Just as the taller I am the shorter you are… Or is it the other way around? Last night we learned you have to spend more to spend less. So why not global cooling means more global warming? That’s what I say. So Al Gore should definitely have a good massage. And I have a good idea for the masseuse. Or my name isn’t Professor Quincy Adam Wagstaff! (And who got the place in Santa Barbara anyway?)