As you probably know by now, the movie rights to my book Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything, were purchased by the Obama administration, and the resulting movie will be released on Thursday. PJ Media asked that I share my thoughts about seeing my words portrayed on screen, and I am very happy to oblige.
I worked quite hard in my book to portray the triumphs of the Obama administration in a way that minds not quite on the president’s mentality level could understand. People tend to get hung up on silly things like unemployment and gas prices and miss the genius of Obama’s policies, but my book was a big success, and I think more people now really get Obama. Still, I wanted my work to reach a larger audience, and what better way is there than a movie — especially since most of the people still critical of Obama are illiterate. So I can’t express how thrilled I was when I received a call from OBAMA HIMSELF. Needless to say, I am still wetting my pants in excitement as I write this.
And I remember exactly what he said. He said, “Fred” — which is really close to my actual name — “I very much enjoyed your book explaining the triumphs of my presidency. How much would we need to pay to get the movie rights for it?”
And I answered, “Pay me? I’d pay you to have it made into a movie.”
He paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Okay. I’ll have someone on my staff forward you a donation form.”
Now, I think they picked the perfect person to direct the movie: Oscar winner Davis Guggenheim. I know he’s of the same mind as me, because he said in a recent interview that he was unable to see any faults in Obama. Exactly. What we think of as faults in Obama are actually our own faults as citizens of this country who do not properly support our miraculous president.
Still, despite having such a great director, it was a little hard to leave my work — my baby — in someone else’s hands. The first thing they did was change the name from Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything to The Road We’ve Traveled. It’s an interesting choice; it makes it seem like this was all a team effort and not just the work of Obama himself. So it’s a little dishonest, but some people like humility over honesty.
Also, the movie is only seventeen minutes long, so a lot of the book had to be cut. To properly explain where all the millions of jobs Obama saved and created are would take hours and probably millions of dollars in CGI, so that just wasn’t to be. Also, the unicorn dream sequence — which I thought was necessary to explain Obama’s motivations — ended up on the cutting room floor.
They did bring me in as an unpaid consultant to help condense my book into the movie, though, and I got to meet the man they hired for the narration: Tom Hanks. He is just as nice and down to earth as he seems. Let me tell you a story from when I met him: While talking to him and explaining my thoughts on the project, I accidentally made eye contact — which all of his people had repeatedly warned me not to do. I instantly started crying and apologizing profusely. And here’s what he did: Instead of getting angry, he had one of his people pat me on the back and then told me, “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again.” What a nice guy; it was a such a pleasure to meet him.
Anyway, I can’t wait for everyone to see the movie The Road We’ve Traveled and let go of all their foolish doubts and embrace the genius of the Obama presidency. Actually, I believe the full official name of the movie is The Road We’ve Traveled: Based on the ebook “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything” by Sapphire (for marketing purposes, they changed my name to Sapphire). If you enjoy it and want to learn more about what makes Obama the greatest human that ever lived, make sure to also read the book the movie was based on.
And if Tom Hanks is reading, again, I’m really sorry about the eye contact.
When I sat down to read Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything, I was expecting the usual mindless tripe from those few on the left who prop up the unaccomplished, mediocre legislator who now holds the presidency, but it turns out that the book is one of those satires that kids enjoy so much these days. While it sounds like the author is praising President Obama the whole way through, he’s actually making fun of Obama and his supporters. I know: How can someone make fun of a person while praising him? It sounds counterintuitive, but somehow the author pulls it off, as he is apparently some sort of genius. The book is funny from beginning to end, and I especially enjoyed the part where he compares Obama to all the previous presidents, as he uses a bit of historical humor.
Since it is an ebook, it’s the perfect last-minute gift, because you can give it literally at the last minute, and it will be there on time. Literally. And not Joe Biden literally; actual literally.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: Isn’t this review a bit self-serving, since you wrote the book? I see why you would think that, but the author is actually a completely different Frank J. Fleming who writes political humor. We are often confused for each other, especially since we look alike. The easiest way to tell us apart, though, is that if you look closely at the other Frank J. Fleming, there is a slight scar beneath his left eye. I keep telling the police this, as apparently that Frank J. Fleming is wanted for questioning in a number of murders in the Midwest. Eyewitnesses keep saying they saw me leave the scene of the crime, but that’s just because they didn’t look close enough to see the scar.
You guys believe me, right?