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Buzz Ballad: The Damage Done

Thursday, January 5th, 2012 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Neil Young and “The Damage Done”

People voted so they would get some cash
Our taxes were Obama’s personal stash
Ooh, ooh, the damage done

In just three years the debt is half again
What it was when they swore him in back then
Gone, gone, the damage done

Promising everybody jobs so green
But instead of jobs the times stay lean
Class war to keep his base in line

I’ve seen Obama and the damage done
He’s broken faith with almost everyone
He’s worked to make this land a setting sun

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Buzz Ballad: The Riddle Song (“I Gave My Love…”)

Thursday, January 5th, 2012 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—traditional

I gave my love a Congress that had no stones
I gave my love a national debt that is all we own
I gave my love a pension that had no worth
And government subsidies for terminating birth

How can there be a Congress that has no stones?
How can the national debt be all that we own?
How can the pension that I worked for retain no worth?
How can the government pay for terminating birth?

A Congress that will not stand up, it has no stones
The national debt dwarfs GDP, so it’s all we own
The pension was gambled away so that it has no worth
And it’s a mystery why government pays to prevent birth

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Buzz Ballad: Chevy Volt

Saturday, December 24th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—with apologies to Sammy Johns and “Chevy Van”

You know that the economy was draggin’
Obama threw billions down the rathole
Abrogating bankruptcy law, fillin’ the unions’ flagon
Because a socialist economy was his end goal

So with tax money panderin’ to the mob
Claiming everyone would have green jobs
Assuming that the consumers were dolts
Obama came up with the Chevy Volt
As the car for you and me

It wasn’t really that affordable
It wasn’t anything you might desire
Didn’t go far even when the charge was full
And had a tendency to catch on fire

But with tax money panderin’ to the mob
And claimin’ everyone would have green jobs
Assuming that the consumers were dolts
Obama came up with the Chevy Volt
As the car for you and me

Turns out there are hidden subsidies
Each car costs almost a quarter mil—
No-one held to account for the amounts
But the unions all have a full till

But with tax money panderin’ to the mob
And claimin’ everyone would have green jobs
Assuming that the consumers were dolts
Obama came up with the Chevy Volt
As the car for you and me

But with tax money panderin’ to the mob
And claimin’ everyone would have green jobs
Assuming that the consumers were dolts
Obama came up with the Chevy Volt
As the car for you and me

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Buzz Ballad: Western White House Land

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Felix Bernard, Richard Smith and “Winter Wonderland”

When the vacation works out
Watch them wring all the perks out
As soon as they reach that Waikiki Beach
Walkin’ there in Western White House Land

The vacation’s extended
Don’t ask how much they spended
For the First Lady
To fly separately
Walkin’ there in Western White House Land

On an island he thinks is in Asia
The President will stroll along the strand
He’ll do lots of nothing for some days, yeah
But show opponents the back of his hand

There’s nothing quite so thrillin’
As to spend some four million
In taxpayer cash, for your end-of-year bash
Walkin’ there in Western White House Land 

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Buzz Ballad: What a Wonderful World

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to George Douglas & George David Weiss

I see hippies sleeping in the mess that they void
Risking the plague, cholera and typhoid
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

I see shell-shocked faces—perhaps they’re not stoned
But just added up all of their student loans
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

People protesting against corporate greed
Rely on those companies for all that they need
But they remain impervious, as you can see
To this basic and fundamental irony

I see riot police, brandishing their batons
Telling the “occupiers” they must move on
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world

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Buzz Ballad: The Cash of Romney

Monday, October 24th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to “The Bells of Rhymney” by Pete Seeger

I should be the nominee,
Says the cash of Romney.
Stick a fork in, I’m done,
Trails poor Rick Santorum.
There should be no Fed at all,
Perennially shrills Ron Paul,
And who knows me? No-one,
Mourns the campaign of Johnson.

Why am I an also-ran?
Wonders clueless Bachmann.
Under my tax plan we’ll gain,
Still insists Herman Cain.
Of me do not be chary,
Pleads the stumbling Rick Perry
And I should be the nominee,
Says the cash of Romney.

I’m just the spare Mormon,
Says the bland Jon Huntsman.
My experience I’ll tout,
Self-promotes Speaker Newt.
The choices do not please me,
Grumbles the Tea Party,
And I should be the nominee,
Says the cash of Romney.

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Buzz Ballad: The Streets of Manhattan

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to “The Streets of Laredo

As I walked out in the streets of Manhattan
As I walked out in Manhattan one day
I spied a rabble crying “Occupy Wall Street!”
And I drew near to hear what they had to say

I had to approach from a windward position
Handkerchief to nose and with tear-streaming eyes
Because of the stench that lay o’er the encampment
Where basic hygiene they most clearly despise

“Oh, where have you come from and why do you camp here?”
I asked the protesters with their hair like weeds
“Why, man, we have come from all over the nation,
To take a brave stand against corporate greed.”

“But are you not wearing an iPod and iPhone?
And are you not bearing a laptop as well?”
“Yes, but corporations are the root of evil
And if we succeed we’ll send them straight to hell.”

I asked by what right he claimed another’s property
Instead of going to work to gain some of his own?
“My Queer Studies BA,” said he, “keeps me unemployed—
And I still owe a hundred grand in student loans.”

I suggested that he perhaps alter his life plan
Take a job to tide over and then learn a trade
“Oh, no,” he replied, “that is far too difficult—
It’s much easier if all the world were re-made.”

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Buzz Ballad: Send in the Thugs

Thursday, October 6th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Stephen Sondheim and “Send in the Clowns

Should you be rich
Or a Wall Streeter
Hippies are milling around
Saying you should “care”
Send in the thugs

Diffuse protests
Trying to feed
An astroturfed sense of outrage
Against “corporate greed.”
Where are the thugs?
Send in the thugs

Counting upon a press willfully blind
The demagogue in the White House leads from behind
Hoping the street theater of a ragtag rabble will
Convince Congress
To pass his bill

But the students
With puerile pranks
Proved not to be quite enough, and so their ranks
Were swelled with thugs
With paid union thugs
You can see they’re here

It is to laugh
It is to deride
Seeing the elements with which
Our president’s allied
Here are the thugs
You knew there’d be thugs
‘Cause to him they’re dear

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Buzzsaw Broadside: Cannonball!

Monday, October 3rd, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

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Buzz Ballad: Class Warfare

Tuesday, September 20th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

Obama by several trillion errs
So he declares million- and billionaires
Should pay “their fair share”
To fund his health care
In rhetoric that he learned from williamaires

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Obama’s “Bixby Letter” Opportunity

Monday, September 19th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

To put its demand for statehood before the UN, the Palestinian Authority has chosen Latifa Abu Hmeid, mother of one “martyr” and four sons serving life sentences for terrorist murders.

President Obama has been busily comparing himself to Lincoln of late.  Perhaps he can take this opportunity to write his own version of the famous “Bixby Letter” which Lincoln sent to a mother who had allegedly lost five sons during the Civil War:

Executive Mansion,
Washington, September 2011

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the United Nations a statement by the UNRWA that you are the mother of five sons, one dead and four now serving lengthy sentences for killing Israelis.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the imminent terrorist state they worked to bring about.

May the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, intercede before Allah to assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of genocide.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

Barack Hussein Obama

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Buzz Ballad: RonPaulstiltskin

Thursday, September 15th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

Rumpelstiltskin was a dwarf
And in the tale of old
He saved the miller’s daughter
By spinning straw to gold.

RonPaulstiltskin is a man
Elected to the House
Who’s running now for President
The people to arouse.

RonPaulstiltskin spins the tale
Of how the US can
Only avert disaster if
It’s Libertarian.

RonPaulstiltskin says that we
Must bring the troops all back
He does not think it wise to fight
Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

Rumpelstiltskin spun the straw
And made it into gold.
RonPaulstiltskin spins the straw
Positions that he holds.

Spinning straw to gold’s a skill
That’s not vouchsafed to man
RonPaulstiltskin can’t make gold
Like Rumpelstiltskin can.

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Buzz Ballad: Do You Love Me?

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—with apologies to the Contours and “Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance?)

You broke my heart
Because you said
I took too much time off
But now I’ve got a new jobs bill
And I’ve got no time for golf

Do you love me? (Help me pass the bill)
Do you love me? (Oh, I hope you will)
Do you love me? (Oh, show you do)
Now that I’ve got a bill

Watch me pretend to (Work, work)
I’m not accustomed to (Work, work)
You gotta help me to (Work, work)
Everybody be civil now (Work)

I’ll get high-speed rail (I’ll get high-speed rail)
And I’ll fund some green jobs (fund green jobs)
And I’ll continue to fail (continue to fail)
To condemn flash mobs (to condemn flash mobs)
Tell me (tell me)
Tell me

Do you love me? (Help me pass the bill)
Do you love me? (Oh, I hope you will)
Do you love me? (Oh, show you do)
Now that I’ve got a bill

Yes I’m pretending to (Work, work)
I’m not accustomed to (Work, work)
You gotta help me to (Work, work)
Everybody be civil now (Work)

(Work, work)

I can fake it, fake it baby (Work, work)
Election? Gonna take it, baby (Work, work)
Who said I was lazy? (Work)

I’ll get high-speed rail (I’ll get high-speed rail)
And I’ll fund some green jobs (fund green jobs)
And I’ll continue to fail (continue to fail)
To condemn flash mobs (to condemn flash mobs)
Tell me (tell me)
Tell me

Do you love me? (Help me pass the bill)
Do you love me? (Oh, I hope you will)
Do you love me? (Oh, show you do)
Now that I’ve got a bill

(Now, now, now)
(Work, work)

Watch me pretend to (Work, work)
I’m not accustomed to (Work, work)
Everybody be civil now (Work)

(Work, work)

I can fake it, fake it baby (Work, work)
Election? Gonna take it, baby (Work, work)
Who said I was lazy? (Work)

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Buzz Ballad: Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama

Monday, September 12th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to “Barnacle Bill the Sailor”

“Who’s demanding joint session?
Who’s demanding joint session?
Who’s demanding joint session?”
Cried the US Congress

“For you I sent—I’m the President”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“I want to inform you of my intent”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“I want you to fast-track my jobs bill
If I say “Pass it now” then I know you will
Who cares if there’s no money in the till?”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama

“You have sent us no bill yet
You have sent us no bill yet
You have sent us no bill yet,”
Cried the US Congress

“That’s just a detail, so don’t you wail,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“We’ll get full employment and high-speed rail,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“My principles I have outlined
It’s your job to see that they’re combined
Because I like to lead from behind,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama

“What about the Stimulus?
What about the Stimulus?
What about the Stimulus?
Cried the US Congress

“The jobs weren’t shovel-ready then,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“That’s why I need you to spend again,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“I’ll raise taxes on all the nobs
To subsidize union flash mobs
And maybe create a couple of jobs,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama

“But we have to read the bill,
But we have to read the bill,
But we have to read the bill,”
Cried the US Congress

“Such niceties you should ignore,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“You never asked to read the bill before,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama
“What’s in the bill? Why should you care?
Just pass it and you’ll find out what’s there
You have my word you’ll pay your fair share,”
Said Pass-the-Bill-Now Obama

Read bullet | Comments »

Buzzsaw Broadside: The Mad Scoutmaster

Monday, September 12th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

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Buzz Ballad: Illegal Wood

Thursday, September 1st, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to the Beatles and “Norwegian Wood

I once made guitars
And built up a small company
The instruments were inlaid
So they’d look good, with Indian wood

My guitars gathered fame
For their fine riffs, and as state gifts
But then I suffered a raid
The government grabbed the wood I had

They told me the woods that I’d purchased had a legal flaw
According to Indian, but not to American, law

But my competitor
Uses the same wood and was ignored
The government plays a lyre
Made from that good Indian wood

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Buzz Ballad: My Sharia Law

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Stevie Wonder and “My Cherie Amour

Ulululululu
Ulululululu

My sharia law, Mohammed says is Allah’s way
My sharia law, over everyone it must hold sway
My sharia law will eradicate what has gone before
We stone women who show their hair because they’re whores
It will dominate in time

If you are in a cafe or a crowded street
Halal food is all you can purchase to eat
My sharia law will force all the taverns to shut their doors
Your tipple of choice you know you’ll taste no more
Islam will dominate in time

If you transgress you know your fate will be grim
You’ll be whipped or we’ll deprive you of a limb
My sharia law—it matters not that its provisions you deplore
We’ll have religious police that you can’t ignore
It will dominate in time

Ulululululu
Ulululululu

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BREAKING NEWS! ADVANCE COPY OF BARACK OBAMA’S POST-VACATION SPEECH!

Thursday, August 25th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

FORE! Score! Seven years ago my backers brought me forth from Illinois in a new campaign, conceived as liberal and dedicated to the proposition that all outcomes must be rated equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civility war, testing whether that campaign, or any campaign conceived on being medicated, can be endured. The economy is the great battlefield of that war. We have come to medicate by apportionment that field as the final testing-place of those who gave up their jobs that taxation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense, we can’t yet medicate. We cannot tax-abate, we can’t let freedom abound. Let’s rave then, acquiring debt which builds up here, and concentrate it far above their poor power to stop or subtract.

The world will buy our notes and not remember what I say here, though you may never forgive what I did here. It is Fore! you the giving rather to be medicated here by the diminished worth which I have fought here to thus far so nobly advance. It is rather Fore! you to be here medicated as the great task remaining be Fore! us—as from these accrued debts we take our reparation in that cause Fore! which you give us our full-measured reparation—and we here highly resolve that these debts shall bring us high-speed trains, that this nation underwater shall have a new birth of free stuff, and that government of the people, on the people, by some people shall not perish from the earth.

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Ron Paul: Prophet of the Quick Fix

Thursday, August 18th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

Ron Paul exemplifies the American dream of the Quick Fix. His is a simplistic mind, given to simplistic solutions.

The history of the last hundred years has shown that quick fixes are invariably wrong: in the interest of Quick Fix, we have gone from state appointment of Senators to direct election of Senators, making the Senate something very different from what the Founders intended; we have lowered the voting age, injecting a vast number of wet-behind-the-ears voters with no experience of life into the voting population; we have gone to a civil service system to avoid corruption, creating an entrenched and unelected bureaucracy.

We have also monkeyed with campaign finance in the aftermath of Watergate, supposedly to eliminate the corruption of campaign contributions, which has merely fed the growth of PACs and undermined party strength. All of these have brought upon us at least as many ills as they have ostensibly solved.

Quick fixes are always tempting—from Alexander’s slashing of the Gordian Knot up to the present day. They are also almost always wrong. “Term limits” is a popular quick fix that people pine for today—but term limits without abolishing civil service merely ensures that a government already burdened by an entrenched and unelected bureaucracy will be increasingly reliant upon that bureaucracy. Term limits are a questionable idea at best; as a stand-alone, without first attacking the problem of the bureaucracy, they are a terrible idea.

Ron Paul is the Prophet of the Quick Fix. “Just do this,” he shrills, “and everything will be ginger-peachy.” No, it won’t. No quick fix can abolish, or do an end run around, human nature—but that’s what Ron Paul is selling.

Don’t buy it.

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Buzz Ballad: New Debt Ceilings Are a New Spending Floor

Sunday, July 31st, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Paul Simon, and “One Man’s Ceiling is Another Man’s Floor”

There is a debt ceiling here
Because we’re deeply in the red
And there’s some hard feeling on
The Congress floors
Because the Tea Party oppose
What the Democrats propose
To raise taxes and to spend a lot more
It’s just those no-budget blues
And when you spend without rules
A raised debt ceiling
Is a new spending floor
A raised debt ceiling
Is a new spending floor

Where did the Stimulus go?
Don’t you ask the CBO
No shovel-ready jobs materialized
They say that the economy
Has had a big recovery
But instead I believe my own eyes
They want to savage defense
And bloat up entitlements
Remember new debt ceilings
Are a new spending floor
New debt ceilings
Are a new spending floor

But the economy could be rebuilding
If Congress would just reshuffle the game
Stop spending more than it makes
No matter how much it takes
Regulatory agencies must be tamed

[Instrumental interlude]

New debt ceilings are a new spending floor
You bet
New debt ceilings are a new spending floor…

[Instrumental fadeout]

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Buzz Ballad: Wouldn’t It Be Nice?

Monday, July 25th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to the Beach Boys and “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?

Wouldn’t it be nice to be dictator
And to not pay Congress any mind?
And wouldn’t it be nice to just pay later
Without debt ceilings of any kind?

You know that it would be a time of plenty
Without Republican intransigency

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could give you
All the lovely things you don’t have yet?
Don’t you know I only haven’t done so
Because some folks have corporate jets

Just a little expansion of powers
And this life of lotus would be ours
Wouldn’t it be nice?

Maybe if I went and expanded the Fourteenth Amendment
With an interpretation that was never intended
I’d get my own way
And then I’d be happy

Wouldn’t it be nice?

I wouldn’t say a coup is contemplated
But listening to Congress seems so dated
So I’ve only stated
Wouldn’t it be nice?

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Buzz Ballad: Unexpected Drop

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to “Unexpected Song” by Andrew Lloyd Webber

I never expected this
As losses climb upwards
Again the market’s thrown me
Just as when employment fell
And I had not a clue
Again the market’s boned me

I could not anticipate
Could never have foreseen
Facing financial rigors
Like an unexpected drop
An unexpected drop
In the home purchase figures

Every time I turn around
The economy falls
I just can’t win for losing
I apply my theories
But instead of reward
Reality’s refusing

I could not anticipate
Could never have foreseen
Facing financial rigors
Like an unexpected drop
An unexpected drop
In the home purchase figures

I never expected this
As losses climb upwards
Again the market’s thrown me
Just as when employment fell
And I had not a clue
Again the market’s boned me

I could not anticipate
Could never have foreseen
Facing financial rigors
Like an unexpected drop
An unexpected drop
In the home purchase figures

Like an unexpected drop
An unexpected drop
In the home purchase figures

Read bullet | Comments »

Buzz Ballad: You Spend Too Much

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Joe Jones and “You Talk Too Much

You spend too much
You’re piling up the debt
You spend too much
There’s no recovery yet
You just spend
Too much

You ask for increases
On taxes, you know
Your spending never ceases
Don’t know where it goes
You just spend
Too much

You spend lots of money
Wherever you can
You spread words like honey
But don’t have a plan
You just spend
Too much

[Musical interlude]

[Repeat verses]

Also, check out PJTV’s rendition of “You Talk Too Much,” starring Pat Boone and Zo Rachel.

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Buzz Ballad: One Month

Sunday, July 17th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—by the Barenaked Powergrab, with apologies to the Barenaked Ladies and “One Week

It’s been one month since I said that we
Faced a deadline to raise the debt ceiling
Five days since we started to negotiate
Your proposals were unappealing
Three days since I left the room
I didn’t like having to answer your questions
Yesterday said I’d talk to you
There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

Come on now and hear the warning
You know global warming
Mandates that we convert to green jobs
Though high-speed rail cannot fail, all alone it’s of no avail
We have to pay bad mortgages to buy votes from the mob
Competing interests I play off
I give them all payoffs
I’m about conciliation

Media has my left flank
There’s many to thank, they all help me get out my message
They’re all so willing to be shilling
As I stop domestic drilling
I like unions, that’s why I shower them with favors
They all supported Obamacare
Even as they were well aware
With their contributions they all would get a waiver

Everything I do is rushed on a short deadline
It has always worked out for me just fine
I’m the kind of guy who sloughs off all his workload
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to go out to the golf course
I have a history of taking vacations

It’s been three years since I was sworn in
As President I have never signed a budget
Past a year since car companies
Got bailed out by ignoring bankruptcy
More than three months since I decided
To go into Libya without getting a go-ahead
Yesterday I said that I’d talk
But you’d better be willing to give me a trillion

Come on and give in ’cause Cloward Piven
Is gonna change the way that you’ve been livin’
Government whirlin’ like a dervish
Agency service
Expands so much it makes you nervous
Like FDR I’ve got some real big plans
Like Shaft I’m the man
Like Lenin, saying what is to be done

Like small businesses I make jobs
Okay, I don’t make jobs
But if I did they’d have a living wage
This time jobs will be shovel-ready
People will all be working steady
If you just cave and give in to me on every new thing
Gotta trust in me, recovery
Is soon to be, it isn’t me if the promises
That I’m making have a false ring

Everything I do is rushed on a short deadline
It has always worked out for me just fine
I’m the kind of guy who sloughs off all his workload
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to go out to the golf course
I have a plan that will make you lose your shirt

It’s been one month you’ve tried to buck me
With spending cuts instead of raising taxes
Five days since I sneered at you and said
“You are the ones who put us in this deep doo-doo”
Three days since the last go-round
If I keep saying you’re at fault, then what can you do?
Yesterday said I’d talk to you
There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow
There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow
Obama plan, hocking tomorrow

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Buzz Ballad: Time to Eat Your Peas

Thursday, July 14th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—to the tune of “Eating Goober Peas

Sittin’ in my golf cart on a summer’s day
From the Oval Office I like to stay away
And on the taxpayers’ dollars I like to take my ease
While I admonish them, “It’s time to eat your peas.”

Peas, peas, peas, peas, time to eat your peas
Just tear off the Band-Aid, it’s time to eat your peas…

Over in Japan a researcher did invent
A substitute for meat that is made from excrement
It fits well on the plate my wife foists on
the obese
An austerity diet—it’s time to eat your peas.

Peas, peas, peas, peas, time to eat your peas
Just tear off the Band-Aid, it’s time to eat your peas…

I got a Nobel Peace Prize before I’d done a thing
I’ve earned it by inflaming the unrest of “Arab Spring”
I’m trying to coerce concessions from the Israelis
If Netanyahu objects, I’ll tell him “Eat your ‘peas’.”

Peas, peas, peas, peas, time to eat your peas
Just tear off the Band-Aid, it’s time to eat your peas…

I flounced out of negotiations on the debt ceiling
To concrete budget proposals I offered not a thing
“Don’t call my bluff,” I snarled at Cantor ’cause he disagrees
That all Americans should just shut up and eat their peas

Peas, peas, peas, peas, time to eat your peas
Just tear off the Band-Aid, it’s time to eat your peas…

Read bullet | Comments »

Buzz Ballad: Just Blame the Bush Administration

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil, and “Blame It On the Bossa Nova

When I was elected I increased the debt
Way up to a height it never went to yet
Now my head is bumping on the debt ceiling
And to the citizens I am appealing

I blame the Bush Administration
And the Republicans
Just blame the Bush Administration
For failure of my plans
Though I’ve been in office for more than two years
When time to take responsibility appears
I blame the Bush Administration
For my failures

(Was it the Stimulus?)
No, the Bush Administration
(My healthcare measures?)
No, the Bush Administration
(Renewing old tax cuts?)
Yeah, the Bush Administration
(Not my failures)

Now I am threatening to default
Saying that there’s no money in the vault
If I don’t pay Social Security
Remember that you should not blame me

Just blame the Bush Administration
And the Republicans
Yes, blame the Bush Administration
Not my socialist plans
Though it really is my own profligacy
That has emptied out the Treasury
I blame the Bush Administration
For my failures

(Was it my green jobs scam?)
No, the Bush Administration
(My Libyan adventure?)
No, the Bush Administration
(War in Afghanistan?)
Yes, the Bush Administration
(Not my failures)

(Was it the Stimulus?)
No, the Bush Administration
(My healthcare measures?)

(Fade out)

No, the Bush Administration
(Renewing old tax cuts?)
Yeah, the Bush Administration
(Not my failures)
No, the Bush Administration
Not my failures…

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Buzz Ballad: Republicans

Monday, July 11th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—to the tune of “Men of Harlech

Republicans, be the axis
Stop profligate spending practice
Turn government ‘gainst new taxes
Be the people’s shield

Republicans, stand ye steady
Massive debt hangs overhead, be
Budget-cutters at the ready
To your duty steeled

On the Hill, rejecting
The crisis they’re projecting
Fight to end the tax and spend
Increases they’re expecting

Republicans, on to glory
Save the nation, and ignore the
Scaremongering media stories
And you’ll win the field

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Buzz Ballad: The Man in the Bubble

Monday, July 11th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Paul Simon and “The Boy in the Bubble”

No recovery
And the wolf is growling
At the doors of the growing unemployed
Gasoline price hikes
Destroying the economy
The “green” ideologues
Won’t let us use our own oil

These are the days of budgets that are bungled
Last year they didn’t do one at all
What’s in the bills they passed? They don’t know
And they don’t seem to care at all
Half the time they’re just woolgathering
Then they try to pull the wool over our eyes
These are the days of budgets that are bungled
With big lies, baby—big lies, big lies, big lies

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Uncle Remus explains debt ceiling negotiation

Friday, July 8th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

Putting Medicare on the block in the current negotiations, as Obama has agreed to do with supposed reluctance, is really a “please don’t fling me in dat briar patch” exercise.

Obamacare—Obamacare—guts Medicare.  It steals money from Medicare to feed itself, and is designed, of course, to eventually replace Medicare, because the objective of Obamacare is to put us on the road to single payer.

But the public does not yet realize this, because Obamacare hasn’t kicked in yet, and the MSM hasn’t reported it.  Obama wants Medicare gutted—and Paul Ryan, trying to save Medicare, is portrayed as the bad guy.

So the Republicans walk into budget negotiations, and—because they’ve never read Uncle Remus—do not realize that Obama’s grudging concessions on Medicare are both giving him what he wants and setting themselves up as the eeeevil gutters of Medicare for next year’s election.

If the Republicans had repealed Obamacare, cutting or restructuring Medicare would mean something—but since they haven’t, defunding Medicare is actually helping Obamacare take hold, while setting the Republicans up as patsies to be blamed for what Obama is actually doing.  As Uncle Remus would tell it:

Bre’r Boehner, he say, “We gots to cut de budget, Br’er ‘Bama. We’s gwine ter cut dem ‘titlements, Bre’r ‘Bama, yes we is.”

“Why, sho’, Bre’r Boehner,” sez Bre’r ‘Bama, sezee.  ”Yo’ kin cut de budget, sho’ yo’ kin.  Yo’ kin even cut dem ‘titlements—on’y please, Bre’r Boehner, please don’t cut no Medicare.”

“Jes’ fo’ that,” sez Bre’r Boehner, sezee, “We gwine show you, yes we is! We gwine cut dat Medicare! What yo’ think o’ dat?”

“No, no, Bre’r Boehner!” sez Bre’r ‘Bama, sezee. “I is beggin’ and beggin’ you!  Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease don’t cut no Medicare!”

 

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Buzz Ballad: Block the Boats

Friday, July 8th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to the Hues Corporation and “Rock the Boat

Oh, Israel filed complaints, and then some motions
Israel filed complaints, and then some motions
Blocked the boats
They stopped the boats sailing
Blocked the boats
They stopped the flotilla
Blocked the bo-o-o-oats

Ever since Hamas was organized
They’ve cloaked genocidal intentions in a disguise
Claiming despite the murderous attacks they’ve made
That people in Gaza need humanitarian aid

They tried to put some ships on the ocean
Appealing to left-wing ignorance and to raw emotion

So Israel filed complaints, and then some motions
Israel filed complaints, and then some motions
Blocked the boats
They stopped the boats sailing
Blocked the boats
They stopped the flotilla
Blocked the bo-o-o-oats

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Buzz Ballad: “Behind Closed Doors”

Friday, July 8th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

—apologies to Charlie Rich and “Behind Closed Doors

My Congress talks so loud
Lord, doesn’t it talk so loud?
Came in after election
Swearing to stand up strong and unbowed
‘Cause the President’s run up debt
Lord, hasn’t he run up debt?
Creating entitlement rights
So people think everything is free

But when they get behind closed doors
Then their backbones can’t be found
And they don’t stand up for the cuts they can
Oh, no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors

The Congress holds the power
The Constitution gives it the power
The President can only
Do what Congress wants him to do
His executive orders are creating rogue agencies
So if he’s spoiling for a fight
Congress needs to defend liberty

But when they get behind closed doors
Then their backbones can’t be found
They just bow to the President’s plan
Oh, no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors

Behind closed doors…

 

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Buzz Ballad: The Dissembler

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

The Dissembler
—apologies to Kenny Rogers and “The Gambler”

When Barack Obama appointed his Attorney General
Much ado was made of Eric Holder, ’cause he is black
But right from the get-go, he showed his true colors
As soon as he had been confirmed, he started his attack

He said that Americans were a “nation of cowards”
Because they did not constantly talk about race
It seems he’d forgotten what Martin Luther King said
Your character’s what matters, not the tint of your face

Immediately he dropped a case ‘gainst the Black Panthers
Even though his Department had won it by default
It seems that he’s fine with racist intimidation
As long as nobody can prove an actual assault

You’ve got to know, when you’re Holder
Which case to fold, or
When not to investigate
What has been done
You never answer discovery
Requests from Congress
Unless the pages are blacked out
Each and every one

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Evelyn Waugh on Barack Obama

Friday, July 1st, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

“Seth, what’s the Imperial Bank of Azania?”

The Emperor looked embarrassed.

“I thought you might ask…Well, actually it is not quite a bank at all. It is a little thing I did myself. I will show you.”

He led Basil to a high cupboard which occupied half the wall on one side of the library, and opening it showed him a dozen or so shelves stacked with what might have been packets of writing paper.

“What is that?”

“Just under three million pounds,” said the Emperor proudly. “A little surprise. I had them done in Europe.”

“But you can’t possibly do this.”

“Oh, yes, I assure you. It was easy. All these on this shelf are for a thousand pounds each. And now that the plates have been made, it is quite inexpensive to print as many more as we require. You see there were a great many things that needed doing and I had not a great many rupees. Don’t look angry, Seal. Look, I’ll give you some.” He pressed a bundle of fivers into Basil’s hand. “And take some for Mr. Youkoumian, too. Pretty fine picture of me, eh? I wondered about the hat. You will see that in the fifty pound notes I wear a crown.”

For some minutes Basil attempted to remonstrate; then quite suddenly he abandoned the argument.

“I knew you would understand,” said the Emperor. “It is so simple. As soon as these are used up we will send for some more…”

It was on that afternoon that Basil at long last lost his confidence in the permanence of the One Year Plan.

—Evelyn Waugh, “Black Mischief”

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Buzz Ballad: “Imagine”

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

Imagine
—apologies to John Lennon

Imagine no derision
Towards religious belief
Tolerance for diverse visions
Bolstering joy and soothing grief
Letting each denomination
Find its separate way

Imagine patriotism
And genuine national pride
Helping to heal false schisms
We’re really all one side
Imagine recognition
Of what we have achieved

You may call me a turncoat
But I’m not the only one
I hope like me you’ll wake up
And undo the damage we’ve done

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Moving the Goalposts: the Construction of Propaganda

Monday, June 13th, 2011 - by Buzzsawmonkey

Prop 8 supporters argue that the judge who struck down Prop 8 was biased because of his longterm same-sex relationship.

The link above is to the NPR story (written and audio).  I suggest everyone look at least at the written version; there are some very interesting and interrelated pieces of goalpost-moving propaganda:

But Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, doesn’t buy it.

“There is absolutely not one scintilla of evidence that that fact of who he is biased him against the proponents,” Kendell says.

Kendell notes that America’s entire legal system rests on the idea that judges can keep an open mind and be objective about the issues before them. “We cannot be about assuming that simply because a judge is of a certain sexual orientation, race or gender, he or she is incapable of actually doing the job of a judge,” she says.

Note that Kendell is actually arguing that the judge is biased, but that his bias should be permitted, or “forgiven.”  She is claiming, falsely, that the issue is whether or not the judge is gay (“who he is”)—but in fact, the issue is that the judge, being in a longterm same-sex relationship, stands to directly benefit by his own ruling.

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