Buzz Ballad: ‘The IRS Examiners’ Ball’

Buzz Ballad: With the IRS in Cincinnati

–apologies to “WKRP in Cincinnati” theme song

Baby, if you ever wondered,
Wondered whatever became of me
I’m with the IRS in Cincinnati
I’m what they call a “rogue employee.”

‘Cause fair administration of the tax laws
Is outdated as the Constitution
And anyone opposing the agenda
Will have bricks dumped upon them by the ton

I’m targeting the Tea Party in Cincinnati…

Drummer Lee Rigby

—apologies to the Beatles and “Eleanor Rigby“

Ah, look at all the British people
Ah, look at all the British people

Drummer Lee Rigby
Joined the Fusiliers and he became an infantryman
In Afghanistan
Returned from duty, and was redeployed for service in London town
Where he was cut down

All the British people
Where do they all come from?
All the British people
How will they get along?

Anjem Choudary
Preaching jihad ‘gainst his neighbors on the public’s dime
All of the time
Look at him speaking, inciting people to kill in the name of his god
Isn’t that odd?

All the British people
Where do they all come from?
All the British people
How will they get along?

Ah, look at all the British people
Ah, look at all the British people

Drummer Lee Rigby
Cut down in the street by converts that Choudary inflamed
A bloody shame
Anjem Choudary
Claimed by the Koran Rigby’s murder could be justified
Look how he died

All the British people (Ah, look at all the British people)
Where do they all come from?
All the British people (Ah, look at all the British people)
How will they get along?

Buzz Ballad: Get Me to Vegas On Time

Finally, the White House releases the Presidential conversation from 9/11/12:

Get Me to Vegas On Time
—apologies to Lerner & Loewe, and “Get Me to the Church On Time” 

There’s just a few more hours
You can’t be in a daze
A few more hours
And you’ll have to fundraise…
There’s dollars to be raised all over Vegas
And I’ve got to go after them in just a few more hours;

I am fundraising in the morning
Upwards my war-chest’s gonna climb
Although something nasty
Is going down in Benghazi
Get me to Vegas on time!

I’ve got to fly out in the morning
Campaigning on the taxpayers’ dime
So please, you must hold all
Ambassadors’ phone calls
And get me to Vegas on time!

If someone objects, then don’t you know
Susan Rice will just blame a video!

‘Cause I’ll be in Vegas in the morning
With my Teleprompter I will shine
Claiming we’ve made a
Shell out of al-Qaeda
Get me to Vegas on time

I can’t be bothered with sending drones
I’ll just deflect by saying that the facts weren’t known

Yes, I’ll be in Vegas in the morning
My derelictions are ne’er a crime
Somebody, hand down
Troops orders to stand down
Get me to Vegas on time

Leave our personnel to their own fate
It’s just some crazies who had to demonstrate

I’m flying to Vegas in the morning
Upwards my war-chest’s gonna climb
Each one of you all try
To be a good fall guy
And get me to Vegas
Get me to Vegas
For my sake get me to Vegas on time!

Doo-Wah-Dignity-Dumb-Diddy-Doo

Doo-Wah-Dignity-Dumb-Diddy-Doo
—apologies to Manfred Mann, and “Doo-Wah-Diddy-Diddy-Dum-Diddy-Do”

There she was, in the halls of the Congress
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!
Ignorin’ how the economy became a mess
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!

She was a (Was a!)
Total fox (total fox!)
Thanks to gallons of botox!

She feels disrespected most every single day
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!
It’s beneath her to be in Congress, but still she’s gonna stay
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!

She wants to (wants to!)
Pass bills (pass bills!)
For Obama she’s a shill!

I know that we are deeply into national debt
And I realize that she hasn’t acknowledged it yet

Even though her party is in the minority
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!
The news media still report on Nancy Pelosi
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!

She wants more (wants more!)
More pay (more pay!)
But in Congress she’ll still stay!

I know that we are deeply into national debt
And I realize that she hasn’t acknowledged it yet

Even though her party is in the minority
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!
The news media still report on Nancy Pelosi
Singin’ doo-wah-dignity dumb diddy doo!

Buzz Ballad: I’m NRA You Hate, I Am

I’m NRA You Hate, I Am
—apologies to Herman’s Hermits, and “I’m Henry the Eighth, I Am”

I’m NRA you hate, I am
NRA you hate, I am, I am
I own guns and I want to buy more
You keep asking what I need ‘em for
But thanks to the Second Amendment (Amendment!)
It’s none of your business what I need (Indeed!)
Whether for sport or personal defendment
NRA you hate I a-a-a-a-am
NRA you hate I am

Second verse, same as the first!
A little bit louder, and a little bit worse!

I’m NRA you hate, I am
NRA you hate, I am, I am
I own guns and I want to buy more
You keep asking what I need ‘em for
But thanks to the Second Amendment (Amendment!)
It’s none of your business what I need (Indeed!)
Whether for sport or personal defendment
NRA you hate I a-a-a-a-am
NRA you hate I am

Buzz Ballad: The Difference Made

The Difference Made
—apologies to Neil Young and “The Damage Done”

I saw the night lit up in Benghazi
Ambassador killed by some jihadis
Ooh, ooh, the difference made

Saw public servants lie to try and show
The attack was due to a video
Lied, lied, the difference made

On TV watch the Secret’ry of State
Weasel, temporize and prevaricate
Smirking as she goes running out

I’ve seen both houses of the Congress played
With a rhetorical “What difference made?”
“Responsibility” is a charade..

Buzz Ballad: Ban all the Guns

Ban all the Guns
—apologies to Paul McCartney and “Band on the Run”

That Senator Feinstein thinks she’s mighty clever
Sure that she knows just what is best for you
Me and you, me and you…

What your rights are, she don’t care
Wants to take them all away
Doesn’t matter to her what the plain text
Of the Bill of Rights might say
No, the Senator doesn’t care
No, the Senator doesn’t care…

Well, she introduced a bill that she’s prepared, with a comprehensive list
And she’s hoping media hysteria intimidates those who would resist
Ban all the guns, ban all the guns
From the citizen, from the avid sportsman
She would strip them from everyone
Wants to ban all the guns, ban all the guns
Ban all the guns, ban all the guns

She wants to ensure the possibility of deadly force is only in government hands
She willfully ignores that criminals, perforce, will not comply with her ban
Ban all the guns, ban all the guns
From the citizen, from the avid sportsman
She would strip them from everyone
Wants to ban all the guns, ban all the guns
Ban all the guns, ban all the guns

The mad certainty of ideology leaves no room in her mind for doubt
As she exhorts her colleagues in the government to throw the Constitution out
Ban all the guns, ban all the guns
She will not be pleased until federal police
Are breaking down your door
Trying to ban all the guns, ban all the guns
Ban all the guns, ban all the guns

‘Reason Not the Need:’ ‘Fair Share,’ the Second Amendment, Dependency, and King Lear

In April 2010, during the midterm Congressional campaigns, Barack Obama famously remarked, “I think that, at a certain point, you’ve made enough money.”

This comment underlies his campaign against “millionaires and billionaires” to “make the rich pay their fair share.”  What the extent of this “fair share” is — and what the limits are that he contemplates on “enough” money — have never been defined. Nor will any definition ever be forthcoming, for what underlies this mindset is the notion that the government has the right to determine what, and how much, people “need,” and a profligate government will always “need” more from those who have.

The current debate over Second Amendment rights is couched by the Amendment’s defenders, rightly, in the language of defending the parameters of a fundamental right.  But what these defenders do not recognize — or, if they do recognize, have not often stated outright — is that the assault on the Second Amendment is couched in precisely the same terms of “need” that Obama has applied to income.  ”No-one needs ten bullets to kill a deer,” Governor Andrew Cuomo shrieked as he hastily rammed through his ill-considered gun law.  Various anti-gun commentators have asked why anyone needs a scary-looking “assault weapon” or high-capacity magazine.

The right to own something, merely because one wants to own it, is being reduced and re-defined by the gun-control advocates as something which must be justified on the basis of “need”; the entire purpose of the gun-control agitation is to further reduce the concept of personal sovereignty, defining down the right to own a weapon, just as the right to make (and keep) as much money as possible has already been effectively defined down as something to be measured and determined and ruled on by the government and not by the individual.

In King Lear, Lear relinquishes his crown and his sovereignty to the daughters who falsely profess their devotion to him and falsely swear to care for his well-being.  He soon finds that he who was used to command is utterly dependent and at the mercy of those who falsely promised to ensure his welfare. When he tries to get his man Kent released from the stocks in which one of his daughters has confined him, he is unable to do so:

Goneril:
Hear me, my lord;
What need you five and twenty, ten, or five,
To follow in a house where twice so many
Have a command to tend you?

Regan:
What need one?

King Lear:
O, reason not the need: our basest beggars
Are in the poorest thing superfluous:
Allow not nature more than nature needs,
Man’s life’s as cheap as beast’s:

—Shakespeare, King Lear, Act II, Scene IV

Like Regan and Goneril, the Democrats and the Left have professed their undying devotion to the welfare and well-being of Americans, so that Americans, like Lear, will relinquish their sovereignty on the promise that their needs will be looked after.  Many Americans have already fallen for this needs-based blandishment where income is concerned, on the theory that the money will come to them, and from somebody else.  They are now being asked to circumscribe a fundamental right on the basis that they should “reason the need” — but if they do so, they will find, like Lear found to his cost, that the circumscription will progressively diminish until it is revealed as loss, and that with this loss any pretense of their needs being attended to will also vanish.

Buzz Ballad: Weapon Owners

A preview of Beyoncé’s performance at the inauguration:

Weapon Owners
—apologies to Beyoncé, and “Single Ladies”

Legal weapon owners, legal weapon owners
Legal weapon owners, legal weapon owners
Legal weapon owners, legal weapon owners
Legal weapon owners
Now give your guns up

Kids shot in school, breaking the rule that declared it a gun-free zone
No-one could fight back ‘gainst the crazy attack
Because they weren’t allowed to carry

But don’t protect, instead reject
A tried and tested solution
Just shed some tears, then play on fears
To make people less free

So if you like Second Amendment, just get over it
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Tearin’ the Constitution all to bits
So if you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Tearin’ the Constitution all to bits
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it

Goin’ after the clips, and the pistol grips
And the high-capacity magazines
Panic mode, gun rights erode
Don’t give people time to think

Nothing that’s proposed will act to dispose
Of any illegal weaponry
Nor will it prevent any new incident
Or avoid a future tragedy

But if you like Second Amendment, just get over it
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Tearin’ the Constitution all to bits
Yeah, if you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Tearin’ the Constitution all to bits
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Don’t say we can act responsibly
And do what we think best
The government should tell us how we can serve

All of these restrictions, just fictions
That old men wrote in the Constitution, but that was very long ago
We know much better now, so let’s just disregard
And all these silly personal liberties willl be gone

Legal weapon owners, legal weapon owners
Legal weapon owners, legal weapon owners
Legal weapon owners, legal weapon owners
Legal weapon owners

Now give your guns up
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

‘Cause if you like Second Amendment, just get over it
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Tearin’ the Constitution all to bits
Yeah, if you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Oh, oh, oh

If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
If you like Second Amendment, just get over it
Tearin’ the Constitution all to bits
Yeah, if you like Second Amendment, just get over it

Oh, oh, oh

Buzz Ballad: The Newest, Predicted, Federal, Needless Gun-Grab—Like New York

The Newest, Predicted, Federal, Needless Gun-Grab—Like New York
—apologies to Frank Loesser and “The Oldest Established Permanent Floating Crap Game in New York” 

Obama: Let’s let no crisis go to waste;
I want this so bad I can taste—

Jarrett: We could try to put over the ruse
Guns should only be for hunting use…

Carney: I like working by executive fiat,
But we still have to disguise our intent,
We can’t just declare out flat

Jarrett: We’ll nullify the Second Amendment!

All: So let’s ram some legislation through
And some executive orders, too…

Carney & Jarrett: Let’s get good old reliable Biden!
Yes, Joe Biden, Vice-President!
When the President needs words, and he cannot wait
Rather than write things himself, he’ll just delegate
Hand off to old reliable Biden
Who will give him points he can talk
For the newest, predicted, federal, needless
Gun-grab—like New York!

All: There are legal gun owners everywhere, everywhere
There are legal gun owners everywhere.
And we cannot impede ‘em
Unless we stampede the voters who are unaware

Obama: If I only could get myself a free hand
All the gun-racks would be bare!

All: We’ll use good old reliable Biden!
Yes, Joe Biden, Vice-President!
It’s not that Obama wants gun rights to end
He’s just following what Biden recommends
Yes, with cover provided by Biden
It’s less likely Congress will balk
At the newest, predicted, federal, needless
Gun-grab—like New York!
How’ll we restrict all the guns?

Obama: Gotta get the guns
Off of everyone…

All: It’s the newest, predicted, federal, needless
Gun-grab—like New York!

Buzz Ballad: Carry Guns

Carry Guns
—apologies to George M. Cohan and “Harrigan”

On what can you depend, when life you must defend?
Carry guns—stay free!
What spells a tyrant’s end when laws he seeks to bend?
Carry guns—stay free!
Citizens, beware! Keep your liberty—
Fight to retain the right to own weaponry
What keeps thugs at bay when police are on the way?
Carry guns—stay free!

C, A, double-R, Y, G, U, N spells “carry gun” (Carry gun!)
Written into the Second Amendment
Power-grabbers always seek its endment
C, A, double-R, Y, G, U, N, you see
Is the right that brings might to secure all our civil rights
Carry guns—stay free!

How best to equalize ‘gainst someone twice your size?
Carry guns—stay free!
How can you stand tall against lawless exercise?
Carry guns—stay free!
The rapists and muggers, home invasions
Don’t like it when you change the equation
What is the tool that best prevents oppressive rule?
Carry guns—stay free!

C, A, double-R, Y, G, U, N spells “carry gun” (Carry gun!)
Written into the Second Amendment
Power-grabbers always seek its endment
C, A, double-R, Y, G, U, N, you see
Is the right that brings might to secure all our civil rights
Carry guns—stay free!

Buzz Ballad: The New Dictatorship

The New Dictatorship
—apologies to R. Whiting and S. Clare, and “The Good Ship Lollipop”

In the new dictatorship,
Can’t tell a magazine from a clip
But that’s OK
‘Cause we’re going to take them all away

Assault weapons aren’t nice
Shouldn’t buy them at any price
Just melt them down
Protecting all the kiddies in the town

We’re restricting guns, yes, everyone’s
For the Second Amendment’s sake
You will be surprised ooh ooh
Just how much liberty we’ll take

In the new dictatorship
Don’t dream of giving us any lip
Just do what we say
In the new dictatorship

Buzz Ballad: Brennan Loves the Moors

Brennan Loves the Moors
—apologies to the Clancy Brothers Tommy Makem and “Brennan on the Moor”

It’s of an Obama nominee this story we will tell
He’s the clueless John Brennan, and in Washington he dwells
He likes to say “Inshallah,” and he talks about “al-Quds”
As Director of the CIA he’d be a major dud

Because Brennan loves the Moors
Brennan loves the Moors
How on earth can he defend us, when Brennan loves the Moors? 

When working at the CIA (Clinton was Prez back then)
Brennan helped nix the Agency’s plans to kill bin Laden
So he helped bring 9/11 and helped the Twin Towers fall
While his boss Obama now spikes the bin Laden football

Because Brennan loves the Moors
Brennan loves the Moors
How on earth can he defend us, when Brennan loves the Moors? 

When told of the twenty percent recidivism rate
Of released Gitmo detainees, he said, “We’re doing great!
Fifty percent is common for civilian criminals
So turning jihadis loose is an OK judgment call.”

Because Brennan loves the Moors
Brennan loves the Moors
How on earth can he defend us, when Brennan loves the Moors? 

He was a driving force behind—or so it has been said—
The push to try in civil court Khalid Sheikh Mohammed;
The self-confessed murderer was a prisoner of war
But Brennan urged his status be summarily ignored

Because Brennan loves the Moors
Brennan loves the Moors
How on earth can he defend us, when Brennan loves the Moors? 

Intelligence gath’ring John Brennan has contrived to thwart;
Though wanting to try Khalid Mohammed in civilian court,
He has urged that jihadis be killed rather than captured
So interrogators are unable to take down their words

Because Brennan loves the Moors
Brennan loves the Moors
How on earth can he defend us, when Brennan loves the Moors? 

Now Brennan’s nominated to direct the CIA
If it should happen he’s confirmed, then he can give full play
To the policies that he’s endorsed time and then time again
To favor terrorists over guarding Americans

Because Brennan loves the Moors
Brennan loves the Moors
How on earth can he defend us, when Brennan loves the Moors? 

Buzz Ballad: Jolly Old Ron Karenga (a Kwanzaa Carol)

Jolly Old Ron Karenga
—A Kwanzaa Carol, to the tune of “Jolly Old St. Nicholas”

Jolly old Ron Karenga,
Marxist to the core,
Torturer and murderer,
Academic whore,
Hit upon a plan to make
His ideas hold sway;
And invented the brand new
Kwanzaa holiday

Every night a candle’s lit,
And in Swahili
Those observing celebrate
Marxist hegemony,
To isolate their hearts from
The land where they live
To dwell on past grievances
And to not forgive.

One can only hope blacks are
Mostly too abashed
To heed Ron Karenga and
His concocted trash—
And rather than follow him
Into endless night,
They’ll reject Ron Karenga
And his Kwanzaa rites

Buzz Ballad: My Favorite Things

My Favorite Things
—apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein, and “My Favorite Things”

Mossbergs and Rugers, AK-47s
Colt automatics from 1911
Triggers adjusted for easy firing
These are a few of my favorite things

Walnut grips finely cross-hatched for good traction
Vintage carbines with an easy bolt action
Revolvers with nickel plate or with bluing
These are a few of my favorite things

Clips upon which traces of gun grease linger
Hunting mittens with separate trigger fingers
Bayonet clips and thick webbing for slings
These are a few of my favorite things

When the politicians pander
And cry “Guns must go!”
I quickly drive down to the nearest Wal-Mart
And stock up on more ammo!

Buzz Ballad, redux: One Month

This originally appeared in the Tatler in July of 2011, during the debt ceiling negotiations.  Sadly, it remains timely.

One Month
—by the Barenaked Powergrab, with apologies to the Barenaked Ladies and “One Week“

It’s been one month since I said that we
Faced a deadline to raise the debt ceiling
Five days since we started to negotiate
Your proposals were unappealing
Three days since I left the room
I didn’t like having to answer your questions
Yesterday said I’d talk to you
There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

Come on now and hear the warning
You know global warming
Mandates that we convert to green jobs
Though high-speed rail cannot fail, all alone it’s of no avail
We have to pay bad mortgages to buy votes from the mob
Competing interests I play off
I give them all payoffs
I’m about conciliation

Media has my left flank
There’s many to thank, they all help me get out my message
They’re all so willing to be shilling
As I stop domestic drilling
I like unions, that’s why I shower them with favors
They all supported Obamacare
Even as they were well aware
With their contributions they all would get a waiver

Everything I do is rushed on a short deadline
It has always worked out for me just fine
I’m the kind of guy who sloughs off all his workload
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to go out to the golf course
I have a history of taking vacations

It’s been three years since I was sworn in
As President I have never signed a budget
Past a year since car companies
Got bailed out by ignoring bankruptcy
More than three months since I decided
To go into Libya without getting a go-ahead
Yesterday I said that I’d talk
But you’d better be willing to give me a trillion

Come on and give in ’cause Cloward Piven
Is gonna change the way that you’ve been livin’
Government whirlin’ like a dervish
Agency service
Expands so much it makes you nervous
Like FDR I’ve got some real big plans
Like Shaft I’m the man
Like Lenin, saying what is to be done

Like small businesses I make jobs
Okay, I don’t make jobs
But if I did they’d have a living wage
This time jobs will be shovel-ready
People will all be working steady
If you just cave and give in to me on every new thing
Gotta trust in me, recovery
Is soon to be, it isn’t me if the promises
That I’m making have a false ring

Everything I do is rushed on a short deadline
It has always worked out for me just fine
I’m the kind of guy who sloughs off all his workload
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to go out to the golf course
I have a plan that will make you lose your shirt

It’s been one month you’ve tried to buck me
With spending cuts instead of raising taxes
Five days since I sneered at you and said
“You are the ones who put us in this deep doo-doo”
Three days since the last go-round
If I keep saying you’re at fault, then what can you do?
Yesterday said I’d talk to you
There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow

There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow
There’s a couple of trillion I’d like to borrow
Obama plan, hocking tomorrow

Buzz Ballad: Let it Burn!

Seeing as how it’s the holiday season:

Let it Burn! Let it Burn! Let it Burn!
—apologies to Sammy Cahn, Jule Styne, and “Let it Snow!”

Oh, the fiscal precipice is looming
A crisis the President’s been grooming
And since there’s nowhere to turn,
Let it burn! Let it burn! Let it burn!

No, Obama is not intending
To rein in his runaway spending
He just wants to punish those who earn;
Let it burn! Let it burn! Let it burn!

Yes, we’re facing fiscal collapse
The predictions will be fulfilled
But if we get over with it, perhaps
The sooner we can start to rebuild

Since the executive of the nation
Won’t engage in negotiation
His proposals then must be spurned
Let it burn! Let it burn! Let it burn!

Buzz Ballad: Old White Men

Old White Men
—apologies to Stephen Foster and “Old Black Joe” 

Gone are the days when America was strong
Gone the days when public schools taught right from wrong
Gone the days of freedom that we enjoyed then
I hear “progressive” voices sneering, “Old White Men”

They’re coming, they’re coming, to stripmine cash again
To fund programs with what they take from “Old White Men”

Why do they seek to take what I’ve worked to own?
Why do they seek to reap where they have not sown?
Preferring to upon government depend
And sneering at maxims of thrift from “Old White Men.”

They’re coming, they’re coming, to stripmine cash again
To fund programs with what they take from “Old White Men”

Will they e’er learn that “free stuff” isn’t free?
That the price paid for “free stuff” is your liberty?
Or will they just demand more handouts again,
Be supported forevermore by “Old White Men?

They’re coming, they’re coming, to stripmine cash again
To fund programs with what they take from “Old White Men”

Buzz Ballad: While John Boehner Gently Weeps

While John Boehner Gently Weeps
—apologies to the Beatles, and “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

I look at the fiscal cliff, see that it’s looming
While John Boehner gently weeps
I look at effective defense that it’s dooming
Still John Boehner gently weeps

I don’t know whatever possessed him
Little more than one year ago
To agree down the road to sequestering
Everyone told him so

All vestige of financial sanity’s ending
While John Boehner gently weeps
He’s done nothing to slow the government spending
So John Boehner gently weeps

No matter how he may maneuver
Now his back’s to the wall
With Obama, he’s a prime mover
Of our financial fall

I look at the fiscal cliff, see that it’s looming
While John Boehner gently weeps
Look at the cliff…
Still John Boehner gently weeps

Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, ooh

Buzz Ballad: ‘Fess Up, Little Susie

‘Fess Up, Little Susie
—apologies to the Everly Brothers and “Wake Up, Little Susie”

‘Fess up, little Susie, ‘fess up
‘Fess up, little Susie, ‘fess up
They attacked us in Benghazi
Little Susie, you been lyin’ to me
The attack wasn’t due to a video
You’re tellin’ us a story

‘Fess up little Susie, ‘fess up little Susie
Well, what are you gonna tell the Senate?
What are you gonna tell the press?
What you gonna say in hearings
Gonna come clean about this mess?

‘Fess up little Susie, ‘fess up little Susie
Well, you said that al Qaeda was in defeat
But reality’s not ever quite so neat
‘Fess up little Susie, ‘fess up little Susie
You gotta come clean

‘Fess up, little Susie, ‘fess up
‘Fess up, little Susie, ‘fess up
People running all over the place
Claimin’ you’re being attacked for race
But the issue is competence
This coverup’s a disgrace

‘Fess up little Susie, ‘fess up little Susie
Well, what are you gonna tell the Senate?
What are you gonna tell the press?
What you gonna say in hearings
Gonna come clean about this mess?

‘Fess up, little Susie
‘Fess up, little Susie
‘Fess up, little Susie

Buzz Ballad: Thanksgiving

The autumn harvest festivals, alas, are obsolete—
For living in the city, we don’t grow the foods we eat;
No evidence of seasonal change is there to be found,
When supermarkets stock the same foods all the year around.
And little of the seasons’ passing show is evident
From leafless trees in iron grates embedded in cement.

But though the beat of life has changed, it cannot obviate
The need to mark time’s passage, or the urge to celebrate.
And if through stone and asphalt nature’s changes scarcely show
We’ll greet each one consistent with the urban life we know ,
And gorge ourselves on turkey, mashed potatoes, and ice cream,
To give thanks for that wondrous day the landlord sends up steam.

Buzz Ballad: It’s Beginning to Look Like a Recession

—apologies to Meredith Wilson and “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”

It’s beginning to look like a recession
Everywhere you go
Take a good look at the home sales
Mortgage applicants fail
To qualify though interest rates are low
It’s beginning to look like a recession
High-priced energy
But the best indicator you’ll see
Is now living frugally
Off of your EBT

Your employer cut hours ’cause Obamacare lowers
And he’d rather pay the fine
You’ve cut luxuries like going to movies
Or taking the family to dine
And if you lose your job you can’t find another
Though it’s not for lack of tryin’

It’s beginning to look like a recession
The Dow’s begun to tank
But please spare me all your tears
If you voted for four more years
You’ve yourself to thank

Buzz Ballad: The Charge of the Light Worker

The Charge of the Light Worker
—apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson, and “The Charge of the Light Brigade”

Half a bill, half a bill,
Hundreds of billions,
To the fiscal cliff of Debt—
Now sixteen trillion.
“Forward!” Light Worker said,
“Charge what we want!” he said
On the fiscal cliff of Debt,
Now sixteen trillion.

“Forward!” Light Worker said
“Though we’re deeply in the red,
I’m doing what I said
When I thrilled millions:
The Treasury my “stash,”
Green energy plans rash,
Billions in crony cash,
Off the fiscal cliff of Debt,
Now sixteen trillion.”

“Regulate industry,
Depress the economy,
Create false scarcity,
Cut back oil drilling.
Let entitlements swell;
Make our defense a shell;
Into the jaws of Debt—
How great? no one can tell—
Now sixteen trillion.”

Flush’d down fed’ral programs,
Flush’d down his healthcare scam,
Threat’ning with the taxman
Any who would protest
His road to ruin.
Heedless and unafraid,
The press acting to aid
Dissimulation
His plans had long been laid
The land to do in;
The bill came back much more
Than sixteen trillion.

“Regulate industry,
Depress the economy,
Create false scarcity,
Cut back oil drilling.
Let entitlements swell—”
That’s how a nation fell,
Freedoms tossed down a well,
Into a maw of Debt
How great, no one can tell
All we know is that it’s
Now sixteen trillion.

Would we were as we were
Ere half the land preferred
Public trough swilling.
What a profound error
To let the Light Worker
Squander our trillions!

Buzz Ballad: Hamas Song

—apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary and “Wedding Song”

We have now unleashed a vengeance through our control of the skies
You must comprehend, when you attack, a Hamas leader dies
The wreckage of your auto burns with your mortal remains
We’ve asked you to stop shooting rockets, but you don’t refrain
You’re blown up…You’re blown up…

We evacuated Gaza in a gesture of good will
But the terrorists who rule you continue to fight us still
You won’t learn from experience so we must teach you again
All that this course of action brings you is a fiery end
You’re blown up…You’re blown up…

Well, so what really is the reason for this long unending strife?
Do all of you really love dying more than you love life?
We’d offer to live in peace with you, as we’ve done before
But every such overture your leaders just ignore
And you’re blown up…you’re blown up

Yes, the wreckage of your auto burns with your mortal remains
We asked you to stop shooting rockets, but you won’t refrain
And you’re blown up…You’re blown up…

Buzz Ballad: Passed Three Times

—apologies to Tony Orlando and Dawn and “Knock Three Times”

Hey, you know that al-Qaeda’s still there?
Still spoiling for a big fight
They would delight to bring you
Though the President keeps claimin’
That terror he’s been tamin’
Deaths in Benghazi have shown everybody
That’s not true

And Obama passed three times
On the chance to take bin Laden
‘Cause Valerie said the answer was “no”
Though Obama passed, passed, passed
Now he’s bragging ’bout his actions
Although his “gutsy call” was reluctant and slow

The fire lit up the Benghazi night
Mobs murdered four, dragged the
Ambassador through the streets
Though the government was aware
They wouldn’t admit that it was terror
‘Cause they wanted to brag about their
Foreign policy feats

And Obama passed three times
On the chance to take bin Laden
‘Cause Valerie said the answer was “no”
Though Obama passed, passed, passed
Now he’s bragging ’bout his actions
Although his “gutsy call” was reluctant and slow

Yes, the President keeps claimin’
That terror he’s been tamin’
But deaths in Benghazi have shown everybody
That’s not true

And Obama passed three times
On the chance to take bin Laden
‘Cause Valerie said the answer was “no”
Though Obama passed, passed, passed
Now he’s bragging ’bout his actions
Although his “gutsy call” was reluctant and slow

Buzz Ballad: Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca

After a lifetime of supporting Democrats, former Chrysler chair Lee Iacocca endorses Mitt Romney for President.
—News Item 

Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca
—apologies to the Andrews Sisters, and “Rum and Coca Cola”

Iacocca in Michigan
Never vote for Republican
But now he look at economy
And he endorse Mitt Romney

Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca
Tryin’ to defeat Obama
To stop the economic slaughter
And to save the Yankee dollar…

Oh, beat him, man, beat him

Obama pander to the mob
Talk about “shovel-ready jobs”
But borrow trillions from Chinese
To line the pockets of his cronies

Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca
Tryin’ to defeat Obama
To stop the economic slaughter
And to save the Yankee dollar…

Oh, he vex me, he vex me

Iacocca he ran Chrysler cars
When their fortunes fell down far
But though he took big bailout
He not like Obama Chevy Volt

Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca
Tryin’ to defeat Obama
To stop the economic slaughter
And to save the Yankee dollar…

It’s a fact, man, it’s a fact

Romney not fly by seat of pants
Have business experience
Knows the way to economic health
Is not to redistribute wealth

Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca
Tryin’ to defeat Obama
To stop the economic slaughter
And to save the Yankee dollar…

For safety driving near or far
Air bags now standard in your car
When Obama go down in defeat
Air bag be gone from driver’s seat

Drink in Rom’ and Iacocca
Tryin’ to defeat Obama
To stop the economic slaughter
And to save the Yankee dollar…

It’s a fact, man, it’s a fact

Rom’ and Iacocca
Rom’ and Iacocca
Tryin’ to save the Yankee dollar… 

Buzz Ballad: “Optimal”

“It’s not optimal,” said Obama
“It’s not optimal at all—
We’d prefer they’d sacked the consulate
But that nobody would fall;
It was all planned, don’t you see,
They’d take a hostage or two
And then I’d release the Blind Sheik
So that I could impress you;
Yes, I’d release the Blind Sheik
To ransom the Ambassador,
And then you’d be impressed by me
Even if you weren’t before.
We were running munitions
From that house in Benghazi
So that Syrian insurgents
Could be armed more easily.
It was just like “Fast & Furious”
With a Middle Eastern twist
We wanted to build the Arab Spring
And help those who’d resist.
Yes, everything was marvelous
It all was most discreet
‘Til those damn fools killed Stevens
And dragged him through the street
Now I must answer questions
About my armaments plan
And all I can do is stand here
And look like a girly man.
That’s why I tried to lay the blame
Upon a video;
Taking responsibility
Is something I don’t know.
So I will smile and try to find
Someone to take the fall;
Oh, no, it is not optimal
Not optimal at all.”

Buzz Ballad: Al Qaeda’s on the Run

—apologies to Paul McCartney, and “Band on the Run”

Yes, I killed bin Laden
He is dead forever
It was my gutsy call
For you…
America, for you…

No, you’ve never anything to fear
That’s what I’ve got to say
I reached out in my Cairo speech
The magic of my rhetoric will sway
No, you’ve never anything to fear
No, you’ve never anything to fear…

The compound exploded with a mighty crash
From rocket-propelled grenades
And though four Americans were brutally killed
We will not admit mistakes were made
Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run
You have got to know it was a video
That’s why all of the damage was done

Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run
Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run

You should ignore those calls from the Ambassador
For more security out there
How e’er could we predict? You know that we were tricked
Intelligence was not aware
Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run
You have got to know it was a video
That’s why all of the damage was done

Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run
Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run

Well, there is nothing quite like an Arab Spring
To bring the Caliphate to pass
But look dispassionately at my policies
And you’ll see I’ve been an ass
Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run
It seems I’ve overreached, so I’ll drop from my speech
And hope that you’ll ignore

Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run
Al Qaeda’s on the run; al Qaeda’s on the run

Buzz Ballad: Sixteen Trillion

—apologies to Tennessee Ernie Ford and “Sixteen Tons”

Well, some folks say government shouldn’t go into debt
That’s something our President wants to forget
He’s borrowing here, and borrowing there—
What the long-term effects are, he just don’t care

You got sixteen trillion in national debt
And the President says that he isn’t done yet
I hope the Chinese don’t call in the loans
But if this keeps up we’re gonna get boned

Obama was elected on some hope for some change
But his method of doing that sure has been strange
He increased the national debt by fifty percent
And the indications are that he ain’t finished yet

You got sixteen trillion in national debt
And the President says that he isn’t done yet
I hope the Chinese don’t call in the loans
But if this keeps up we’re gonna get boned

Yes, he spent a trillion on a stimulus bill
We’d have green energy if we just had the will
The companies all went bankrupt, right down the line
And the President said that we’re all doin’ fine

You got sixteen trillion in national debt
And the President says that he isn’t done yet
I hope the Chinese don’t call in the loans
But if this keeps up we’re gonna get boned

He has not passed a budget since he was sworn in
And it doesn’t look like he’s going to begin
He just lets his cronies pocket most of the cash
While welfare recipients think it comes from his stash

You got sixteen trillion in national debt
And the President says that he isn’t done yet
I hope the Chinese don’t call in the loans
But if this keeps up we’re gonna get boned

Buzz Ballad: The Candy Ma’am

—apologies to Sammy Davis, Jr. and “The Candy Man”

All right, everybody—gather ’round! What kind of questions do you have?
The economy? Foreign policy? War on women?
You’ve come to the right place, because—I’m the Candy ma’am! 

Who can vet the questions?
Also moderate?
Who interrupts the challenger
So the incumbent will sound great?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

Who can take a strawman?
Let it burst to flame?
With enough smoke that
The President won’t face the blame?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

The Candy ma’am sat
In a “townhall” format
Filled up with Obama doters
Passed off as “undecided” voters
To ensure he would not make floaters

Who can fake a fact check
Designed to mislead?
To throw the President
A lifeline he’d sorely need?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

The Candy ma’am sat
In a “townhall” format
Filled up with Obama doters
Passed off as “undecided” voters
To ensure he would not make floaters

Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Who can fake a fact check
Designed to mislead?
To throw the President
A lifeline he’d sorely need?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am…

Buzz Ballad: The Lonesome Debate of Mitt Romney

—apologies to Bob Dylan and “The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll”

Obama threw zingers to attack Mitt Romney
Trying to compensate for his lack of Teleprompter
In a mainstream-media townhall-debate format
With an audience stacked to be favorable to him
And all audience questions previously submitted
With commentators watching to inflate his successes
And minimize answers that Romney might offer

But you who rationalize deceit
And justify all spin
Are going down to a deserved defeat
For November Sixth we will win

Barack Obama grew up as a Leftist
In law school adopted Critical Race Theory
For twenty years sat and listened to a pastor
Who damned the America that gave him his fortune
And claims he never heard what that preacher uttered
He started political life with assistance
From a terrorist bomber who is unrepentant

But you who rationalize deceit
And justify all spin
Are going down to a deserved defeat
For November Sixth we will win

Romney like Obama grew up in some privilege
But starting adult life gave up his inheritance
So that he could earn for himself satisfaction
By making his own way when finding his fortune
He saved companies and he saved the jobs with them
And in doing so he amassed his own millions
Which Barack Obama attacks with class warfare
Romney understands that it’s the private sector
And not government jobs and not entitlements
That will bring the United States out of recession
If we are not fettered by too much regulation

But you who rationalize deceit
And justify all spin
Are going down to a deserved defeat
For November Sixth we will win

The moribund media determine the forum
In which candidates may debate, and decorum
Under which anyone challenging whom they favor
Will have disabilities ‘neath which they labor
So that they’ll be lucky to finish a sentence
In order to build up the incumbent’s competence
And paint he who challenges him as a devil
They know he can’t win if the playing field’s level
And so his record must at all costs be hidden
Ignoring the filthy stench of reeking midden
Demanding the while that Romney “give specifics”

Ah, but you who rationalize deceit
And justify all spin
Are going down to a deserved defeat
For November Sixth we will win

Buzz Ballad: Benghazi

—apologies to Neil Young and “Ohio”

Obama’s election coming
Wouldn’t increase security;
Went to Vegas for fundraise drumming
Four dead in Benghazi

Won’t tell what he knows, when he knew it
Giving the press the run-around
Hoping that they’ll let it go
They had intelligence
Al Qaeda was there on the ground
Then blamed it on a video

Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na

Won’t tell what he knows, when he knew it
Giving the press the run-around
Hoping that they’ll let it go
They had intelligence
Al Qaeda was there on the ground
Then blamed it on a video

Obama’s election coming
Wouldn’t increase security;
Went to Vegas for fundraise drumming
Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi

How many more?

Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi
Four dead in Benghazi…

Buzz Ballad: Deference to Obama

—apologies to the Rolling Stones, and “Sympathy for the Devil”

Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of hope and change
I’ve been in office for almost four years
It’s racist if you say my name’s strange
I did a bailout for GM when it was going down the drain
Made sure my cronies were first in line
Bankruptcy laws were rearranged
Pleased to meet you—hope you guessed my name
But what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game

I slept right through the Benghazi night
When the mob for the consulate came
Yes they killed four Americans
Christopher Stevens screamed in vain
I claimed to know ’twas a video
Sparked world riots when the rocks were thrown
Pleased to meet you—hope you guessed my name
But what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game

I watched in glee while the jihadis
Built nuclear bombs with no action by me
I shouted about Romney’s tax returns
While I concealed my past history
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of hope and change
And I’ve made sure nobody can buy a home
‘Cause mortgages stay out of range
Pleased to meet you—hope you guessed my name
But what’s confusing you is the nature of my game

Though I condemn the West as colonial
And will impose on it Third World squalor
I rejoice in living a life that’s baronial
As I laze behind the White House doors
So, if you meet me, show me deference
Bow to me as I bow to the Sauds
While I further same-sex matrimonials
And subject you to foreign gods
Pleased to meet you—hope you guessed my name
Can I interest you in a sweatshirt
Which displays the logo of my fame?

Mmmmm, meanness
Gets ’round
Woo, woo
Woo, woo
Oh, yeah—get on down
Oh, yeah—oh, yeah

Tell me subjects—what’s my name?
Say, dependents—what’s my name?
You on foodstamps—what’s my name?
Hey, you voters—you’re to blame.

Ooo, oooh
Ooo, oooh
Ooo, oooh

Buzz Ballad: Obama Won’t Meet

—apologies to Brian Elliot and Madonna and “Papa Don’t Preach”

Obama, you know that he’s upset
Because Israel’s worried Iran will get
Nuclear weapons, and
Mullahs are crazy

Obama likes leading from behind
Israel asked him to draw red lines
But he diddles with sanctions
And he just keeps delaying

He said Iran’s “just a small country”
Seems to support their hegemony
Turns his back on an ally—is it just that he’s lazy?

Obama won’t meet, with Netanyahu
Obama won’t meet, blew off Barak too
But he managed to find time to meet with Morsi, oh
He wants to meet with Morsi, mmmm…

Obama says he’s “got Israel’s back”
Claims that they don’t have to fear attack
Claims that they’ll be all right
Now isn’t that nice?

But the attacks upon our embassies show
That he doesn’t know what he thinks that he knows
His commitment to making nice with Islamists means…

Obama won’t meet, with Netanyahu
Obama won’t meet, blew off Barak too
But he managed to find time to meet with Morsi, oh
He wants to meet with Morsi, mmmm…

The president, it’s sad to tell
Is quietly sloughing Israel
But he wants deniability
Hoping for post-election flexibility…

Obama won’t meet, with Netanyahu
Obama won’t meet, blew off Barak too
But he managed to find time to meet with Morsi, oh
He wants to meet with Morsi, mmmm…

Obama won’t meet, with Netanyahu
Obama won’t meet, blew off Barak too

Obama won’t meet, with Netanyahu
Obama won’t meet, blew off Barak too

But he managed to find time to meet with Morsi, ooh
No, he doesn’t like the Israelis
Yes, he wants to meet with Morsi