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Alan Smithee

Alan Smithee is a multi-talented man about Tinseltown. And other towns.
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Julianne Moore is a fine actress, but…

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

she’s no Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin is getting the movie treatment with HBO Films’ Game Change. Oscar-nominated actress Julianne Moore will portray the former Alaska governor in the project, which will chronicle Palin’s burst into the national scene as a surprise vice presidential candidate in 2008.  Directing Game Change is  Jay Roach, director of the Meet the Parents movies as well as the HBO film Recount, which examined the aftermath of the 2000 presidential election with a focus on the Florida recount.

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Insane: NY court rules that vacation homes make you subject to state income tax

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Watch the New York real estate market explode over this decision:

Incredibly, a New York court recently ruled that a couple from Connecticut must pay New York state income tax based on their ownership of a beach house on Long Island. The couple was hit with a bill for $1 million in back taxes. The court affirmed an early decision, equally bizarre and potentially destructive, that contended that ownership of a vacation home that could be used year-round counts as a permanent residence, even if the owners spend little or no time there.

Experts say that the absurd ruling very likely will depress real estate values in Manhattan and the Hamptons, where many out-of-state businesspeople own small apartments or vacation homes.

I don’t own property in New York state. And now, I never will.

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Just what the world needs: A Spielberg movie about Julian Assange

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Hollywood finally gets its Woodward & Bernstein moment again!

Alan Rusbridger, editor-in-chief of Guardian News & Media, said: “The Guardian’s unique collaboration with WikiLeaks led to what some have described as one of the greatest journalistic scoops of the last 30 years.”

Discussing the proposed film, he added: “It’s Woodward and Bernstein meets Stieg Larsson meets Jason Bourne. Plus the odd moment of sheer farce and, in Julian Assange, a compelling character who goes beyond what any Hollywood scriptwriter would dare to invent.”

Don’t expect to see WikiLeaks: The Movie at a theater near you anytime soon.

The embryonic DreamWorks version still requires a scriptwriter, a director and a cast. It may also need an ending. Reviled by his foes as a “high-tech terrorist”, Assange is currently fighting an extradition order to Sweden to face sexual abuse accusations.

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Lefty punks Gov. Walker

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Actually, you silly liberals, what the punking means is that Walker didn’t know the Koch brothers by the sound of their voice. Which means he’s not that acquainted with them. It means Koch doesn’t have any special access to Walker at all. It proves the opposite of what the punkers wanted to prove. Althouse tries explaining all this, but the spin is on.

Calling him a “Koch whore” doesn’t change anything. It does serve to remind that the call for civility was always cynical and one-way.

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Hollywood: Where fresh ideas go to die

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

The death of good ideas is the bad news. Here’s the good news, though: Stretch Armstrong and Magic 8 Ball will get the big-screen treatment!

For years now, the notoriously risk-averse Hollywood studios have been spending their money on the safest bets possible, big-budget projects and potential franchise properties that usually are based on a book, a video game, a toy or even an amusement park ride. It’s a trend that shows no signs of abatement, with Universal working to bring Stretch Armstrong to the screen, while Paramount develops a Magic 8 Ball movie among many other projects that have been co-opted from the toy aisle.

That Armstrong film sounds like it’s Oscar bound…

The film is produced by Brian Grazer. Grazer states “Stretch Armstrong is a character I have wanted to see on screen for a long time … It’s a story about a guy stretching … the limits of what is possible to become all that he can be.”

Stretch Armstrong is a story about a guy stretching. I never woulda guessed.

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Tea Partiers, you’re being used. – G. Soros

Sunday, February 20th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

George Soros, a man who should know about being used, told an interviewer Sunday that Tea Partiers are being “used and deceived by forces they can’t fully understand.”

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Arianna Huffington could sell the Brooklyn Bridge

Monday, February 7th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Forget Arianna Huffington’s flighty politics, as silly on the left as they were on the right. She is a business genius of the first rank. Given current advertising rates on the Internet, the $315 million purchase price on the HuffPo i s one of the most clever scams of all time. Maybe the rubes at AOL would like to buy a used Toyota pickup for $750,000.

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Carry on, Arianna

Sunday, February 6th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

The Huffington Post continues to be such a wonderful, progressive institution with its sophisticated contributions to our national dialogue.

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Just in time: Maya Angelou’s Super Bowl pick

Friday, February 4th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

A Pack, A Steeler, A Dome
Hosts to QBs long since departed,
Marked the interstate.

The steel curtain, who left dry trophies
Of their sojourn here
On our fake grass floor,
Any broad alarm of their hastening doom
Is lost to the arm of Aaron Rodgers.

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Finally: Kucinich explains why he sued over an olive pit

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Over at RCP.  He says he lacked dental insurance, and therefore had to sue.  Because paying out of pocket, for a congressman who makes $174,000 per year plus whatever other bennies he gets is just out. of. the. question. One hopes he obtains a speedy recovery from his “loss of enjoyment.”

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Geraldo hearts ElBaradei too

Monday, January 31st, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Is Geraldo senile? It’s hard to tell how old he is with the gobs of hair dye he wears for his Fox show, but he sure sounded out of it over the weekend, showering Mohamed ElBaradei with praise as if he were the second coming and mentioning the N-word (Nobel Prize) any time he could. When one of his guests uttered the slightest criticism of the onetime UN diplomat who most of us know did his best to cover up for the mullahs’ nuclear ambitions, Geraldo looked astonished that such a thing could be possible. It was also news to him that ElBaradei was a longtime ally of the jihadist Muslim Brotherhood.

(NOTE to Roger Ailes: enough already)

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Kucinich lawsuit update

Thursday, January 27th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Among the elfen congressman’s grievances over olive pits, Rep. Kucinich claims a “loss of enjoyment.”

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But will you be able to find a good Jewish deli?

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

China to create largest mega-city in the world with 42 million people.

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Alan Smithee reviews the SOTU

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

I wish to be clear that I did not write or direct the State of the Union address. Alan Smithee

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Who hates Israel more – the Palestinian Authority or The Guardian?

Monday, January 24th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

The answer to the question of who hates Israel more – the Palestinian Authority or The Guardian newspaper – easily goes to The Guardian, if you read the British media company’s response to its own set of leaked documents from the Palestinian leadership. Apparently the powers that be at The Guardian are upset with the powers that be at the Palestinian Authority (Mahmoud Abbas and Saeb Erekat) because the Palestinians agreed in secret to have a very small number of their refugees (5000) taken by Israel after a peace settlement and the formation of a Palestinian state. Said Abbas: “On numbers of refugees, it is illogical to ask Israel to take 5 million, or even 1 million – that would mean the end of Israel.” Only Ahmadinejad would want that. Or The Guardian.

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‘Commonweal’ Hearts al-Awlaki, the fatwa maker

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011 - by Alan Smithee

Commonweal is all in a dither about the targeted assassinations of jihadists by the US government. Although the liberal Catholic publication acknowledges Anwar al-Awlaki may have had “some contact” with the 9/11 hijackers, as well as with Maj. Hasan of Ft. Hood fame, the magazine decries a federal judge’s decision throwing out an ACLU lawsuit that would have prevented our government killing the Muslim cleric.

But Commonweal – in their goody-goodyism – has conveniently over-looked a significant fact about al-Awlaki. The cleric – said to be in residence in Yemen – is a wannabe assassin himself, having issued a fatwa calling for the death of Seattle cartoonist Molly Norris, who encouraged people to draw pictures of Mohammed. Norris has, thanks to al-Awlaki, had to go underground.

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