We’ve all followed the exploits of educators across the country who have become hysterical when children said or did anything that could be connected to guns — even if by making the connection, the teachers twisted themselves into pretzels of illogic.
The latest incident from Maryland involved a hungry young boy, a Pop Tart, and an insane teacher:
Joshua Welch – a boy, wouldn’t you know; no good can come of these turbulent creatures – who is 7, was suspended from second grade in Maryland’s Anne Arundel County earlier this month because of his “Pop-Tart pistol.” While eating a rectangular fruit-filled sugary something, Joshua tried biting it into the shape of a mountain, but decided it looked more like a gun. So with gender-specific perversity he did the natural thing. He said, “Bang, bang.”
Joshua’s school suspended him and sent a letter to all the pupils’ parents, urging them to discuss the “incident” – which the school includes in the category “classroom disruptions” – with their children “in a manner you deem most appropriate.”
In response to this idiocy, a Maryland legislator has introduced a bill he is calling the “Toaster Pastry Gun Freedom Act” where he turns the tables on educators who make it a crime against humanity to even display a picture of a gun:
Senate Bill 1058 restricts the disciplinary options Maryland public school officials can use for any student who “brings to school or possesses” an image of a gun or an object that might look like a gun but isn’t one.
Students could also form their fingers in the shape of a gun without fear of reprisal.
The bill also includes a section mandating counseling for school officials who fail to distinguish between guns and things that resemble guns. School officials who fail to make such a distinction more than once would face discipline themselves.
The unions will oppose it because…well, because they didn’t think of it. And they don’t cotton to outsiders ordering their members to undergo counseling unless it’s negotiated in collective bargaining.
But how delicious would it be to see an hysterical teacher who loses control over a picture of a gun being forced to go to counseling to deal with their fears?
By the way, don’t look now, but doesn’t that sandwich look a little like an M-1 Tank?
AR-15 Apple Jacks - cereal in the shape of that beloved, oft-copied-never-duplicated & admired keeper of freedom, the AR-15 rifle. Caliber may vary.
Alphabet Soup - lunch ladies will be required that every bowl of alphabet soup spell out at least one of the following: A-10, F-14, F-15, F-16, F-18 fighter jets; M-1, M-2 tanks; Apache choppers.
Ammo pasta: your favorite pasta (rotini, penne, fusili) in the shape of your favorite ammunition: shotgun shells, hollow points, rim fire, etc.
Cap'n Crunch cruisers: Cap'n Crunch cereal in the shape of your favorite cruiser missile.
Fish stick/chicken strip pistols: fish sticks & chicken strips in shapes of pistols: revolvers, semi-autos, lugers, Western six-guns, 1911s, etc.
Pop Tart Patriots: Pop Tarts in the shape of Patriot missiles.
It's high time we educated our children on what is necessary for keeping peace & our enemies at bay.
For crying outloud, teachers even in rural communities and districts these days have cameras and audio on their every move, their professional emails routinely monitored, their facebook pages monitored and their careers on the line daily by policies and new laws for which they have NO personal control over. Even race and politics is now adding to whats become a hostile working environment for so many teachers across the land.
Start putting blame in education where it belongs! Educational bureaucrats!
What are the kids learning when teachers and administrators act this way? They're learning that the adults at their schools are morons. Boys especially are learning that school is hostile to them.
BTW, I do employ this attitude at my place of employment. I've been doing it for the past 28 years with no perceivable harm to my career. I refuse to work anyplace where I have to toe the party line! Try standing up for what you really believe, you'll find that it is actually a very liberating experience.
What is your data source for that information? You know, like how many of the nations "classroom teachers" accomplish an advanced degree in education administration and or do the required training to qualify for administration certification? I'll be waiting!
The real problem is that the teachers and administrators *KNOW* for a fact that they are NOT safe if any child brings an actual gun to school. So therefore, they must try to so traumatize any kid who even thinks of a gun to the point that the kid would do anything to avoid the trauma.
Of course, if the school would be that helpless facing an armed kid, how helpless would they be when facing an armed adult, or trained terrorist?