It’s all over quickly, and Jack is shocked that he won the brief fight. The bully is on the floor, equally shocked, looking up at little Jack through a swelling eye. Nearby, the other kids are looking at both boys in a new light. Jack is terrified about what will happen next. His heart must be beating a million times a minute. Will he get kicked out of school? What will his dad really do? Will the bully try to get revenge later? Jack knows that he crossed a line with everyone. His life may never be the same again.
If Jack follows the first path, he suppresses his natural instinct to defend himself until it boils over into armed rage. One day he brings a gun to a fight with his bully, ending and ruining and scarring lives until he finally takes his own. Jack is the author of another modern American tragedy, and joins the ranks of the villains.
If Jack follows the second path, his life at school begins to change. The bully tries confronting him again a year or two later, but all Jack has to do is get that look in his eye, the same one he had the day they fought, and Jack never needs to throw a punch again. That’s a good thing, because inside, Jack still knows that he won mostly by taking the bully by surprise. The bully would probably win a second round. The bully doesn’t have to know that.
The bully’s life changes too. He learns from the humiliation of losing a fight to little Jack that he isn’t as invincible as he thought he was. That fight cost him his rank in his own clique, but it also weakened the bully boys’ clique itself. No one gets out of their way in the hallways anymore. Some kids who used to fear him even laugh at him for a week or two.The clique know they’re not above the system, especially after the school chose not to discipline Jack in any way for defending himself. The bully group still runs on the edge of the rules but they no longer think that they’ll get away with everything anymore. That little kid proved that they can’t. The school backing the little kid made the little kid bigger, and made the big bullies a little smaller. Jack’s punch was an equalizer. As for Jack, he and his friends play first-person shooters, but they’re not the only things in his life. He’s good at them, but he’s good at several things and bad at several other things, like every other kid in school.
Years go by. Jack and his former tormentor graduate from high school and go on with their lives. They never see each other again after their school years, but neither of them turn out to be anything other than normal adults.
More years go by. Jack is married now and has kids of his own. He finds himself living in a decent neighborhood, but one summer night well past midnight he hears noises outside. He peeks out his window and sees an altercation going on in the street. He can’t tell how many people are involved, but he can see in the streetlights that there may be eight or a dozen of them, a mix of men and women. They’re arguing, he hears punches thrown and car doors slam and insults fly, and it looks like one man is moving his car to block the cul-de-sac. No one will be able to get in our out of Jack’s part of the street.
Jack doesn’t know or care what the man is up to. He doesn’t care how many of them there are out there. He only cares that his family and neighbors are not going to be blocked in by anyone.
Jack is not armed, but the people out in the street don’t know that and they don’t need to. They don’t need to know that he’s scared, either. They only need to know that he exists and will not be bullied. He grabs his phone and a hefty Maglite and goes outside. Standing in his front yard, he turns on the light and shines it directly at the man in the car. The man blinks and shields his eyes with his hand, blinded. Jack loudly announces that he is calling the police, and he dials, and standing there in the yard in full view of everyone, tells the dispatcher what he is seeing.
The man reverses and moves his car out of the way. The fight breaks up, and within a couple of minutes a police cruiser arrives just as the last of the disturbers are driving away.
Police step up their patrols of the area for a few weeks to make sure none of the brawlers return. Criminals get word that the people who live on that street will not sit by. They will step up. They won’t be bullied into accepting a building threat to themselves, their families and their property.
If we trace the events of that summer night back to their origin, it all turns on how Jack dealt with his bully, and just as importantly, on how the society around him framed his response to the greatest problem he faced in his most formative years.
We are trying to make everbody into a 14-year old girl, and we need to stop, and it is worth starting a new country if others don’t stop.
I don’t mean to disagree with you, Anonymous, but I’d rather reestablish our original constitutional republic; conversely, if it takes a brand new country, so be it. Count me in.
Girls get bullied too. I tell my daughter to speak up. Not to take insults or threats but respond. They don’t win until the bullied one takes it.
Both my son and my daughter were taught how to defend themselves in a fight. It was important for my son’s self esteem. It was more important for my daughter’s confidence in being able to protect herself and her little brother. They were, at one point in their grade school years, the only white, English speaking natives in their south Texas school. She fought off one attack by a group of girls and never had to fight them again.
Now, they are both adults and well able to fend for themselves, armed or unarmed. Once you learn that a punch or even taking a beating, hurts but is survivable, you are much harder to intimidate.
That “self esteem” crap is every bit a part of the problem as the “never fight” crap.
You bought the lie.
Nah, self-esteem’s a real thing. The bit that’s a lie is how it’s the prerequisite for doing everything else in life — that’s backwards. Real self-esteem comes from developing skills and accomplishing things, as in the situation with Pecos’s kids.
>> That “self esteem” crap is every bit a part of the problem as the “never fight” crap. . . . You bought the lie.
Cool your jets Mark. Many people use the term “self-esteem” when they mean self-respect and/or confidence. Both of which are good things. Don’t be a terminological fundamentalist. It seems unlikely from reading Pecos post that he meant by “self-esteem” much of what is implied in the self-esteem movement. At least show your presumed wisdom by telling us the difference between the things I mentioned before asserting anyone bought any lies. Educate if you think you can, but don’t sling accusations and insults.
Yea Mark, what Jim said. Evidently you have never been bullied. Standing up for oneself, regardless of the outcome, is loads of self-esteem, self-confidence, for ones “self”. Been there, my kids have been there, my grand children are being trained to “show up”.
I was about ten when the toughest guy in my class came down our street. He began hasling my younger brother and his friends. I stood up to him and took my beating, but he never again bothered me or mine.
Left/liberals hate self-defense because “all volence is wrong”… until their supporters need some weath redistributed to them and they’ve disarmed everybody else.
“Left/liberals hate self-defense because “all volence is wrong”…”
Oh really? Come to Brooklyn,NYC and step into one of our “hipster” coffee houses spouting your redneck crap. See if you don’t get your ass handed to you by half the customers who know Krav Maga, and the other half amateur UFC fighters (every leftist hipster loves the movie Fight Club).
Left/libtards just hate OTHER PEOPLE (you know, conservatives) defending themselves… self-defense for me, but not for thee (especially when you disagree with me) is their mantra.
Wouldn’t sully myself “coming” to any liberal craphouse. Come to this rednecks country and let’s talk about handing ass.
“Wouldn’t sully myself….” Ha, yeah, I thought as much. Stay in your redneck swamps and keep hunting your squirrels. The bright city lights of NYC would just confuse you anyway. When the heck are you all going to secede anyway? whats the hold up?
An interesting book on the subject … fiction, but on point …
Second Son by Lee Child
A prelude to the Jack Reacher series … Check it out …
We suggest going along with the bully and letting him take total control of your life. Resistance is too scary.
LOL
Touché.
See you next Halloween.
Vote Democrat and you’ll get a free phone, too.
The entire national GOP is a false-flag operation, and has been so ever since Ronald Reagan left office.
“…especially after the school chose not to discipline Jack in any way for defending himself.”
What alternate universe does this happen in?
The one where Jack’s father informs the school that if they do discipline him and then Jack is EVER injured or harassed by this or any other bully again, they’ll be hearing from his lawyer because they are derelict in their duty to protect Jack while serving in loco parentis, and he is going to make sure they are held fully liable for the result. If you deny someone the right of self-defense, you assume the obligation to protect that person, and are therefore responsible for any failure to do so, even if it was not reasonable for you to be able to.
I’m completely with you in theory, Bryan. But in this day and age, the minute Jack threw the first punch, he’d be immediately reassigned to “alternative school” for the rest of his days and likely in a much worse situation. He’d be forced to attend school with kids much harder than the bully he’s currently dealing with. Schools won’t even tolerate boys playing cowboys and Indians anymore. Perhaps he’d fare better if he took care of it outside of school, but I wouldn’t count on it.
FWIW, I consider it child abuse for a parent to keep a child in a situation where they know they’re being bullied repeatedly. GET THE KID OUT! Homeschool, private school, charter school. Whatever. Your child’s safety is your responsibility.
Also, your story about the guy on the front porch helped me understand my husband better. He did that exact thing when we were first married and living in a sketchy neighborhood. I was peering out behind the curtains terrified that they would shoot at him. He grew up in the inner city and insisted that it was better if there were witnesses. Sure enough, the fight broke up and the trouble-makers dispersed when our porch light went on and they saw him standing there. I still don’t like it, but I understand it better now.
…the minute Jack threw the first punch
In some (many?) schools there is a zero tolerance policy;
Get in a fight, as aggressor _or_ victim and be expelled.
The minute he throws that punch is the minute he knows he CAN throw that punch.
Quit playing their game.
Bingo.
You and myth buster have it right.
Fighting the school system is Dad’s job, and it’s as necessary as Jack popping the bully.
In junior-high I was suspended after another kid sucker-punched me in front of a teacher and ran. I caught him and threw him against a locker because I didn’t want him getting away with it. He got suspended too.
My parents and I took my suspension as the price of doing the right thing; he and his parents went to pieces.
I still had to put up with bullying attempts briefly in high school, because most of my classmates there hadn’t seen me since fifth grade.
Same here. I “discouraged” a pair of a-holes who were picking on me in shop class once. Nothing happened to them. I got a lecture from the teacher and eventually ended up cooling my heels in a “special” homeroom for troublemakers. This was the first and only incident I had ever been involved in.
Teachers and administrators don’t care who’s the perpetrator and who’s the victim. What they want is order. Anyone who disturbs that order is subject to discipline. So bullies fly under the radar while people who react to bullies get punished.
The lesson? Don’t make waves. Be passive. Suffer. Let the bullies bully, let the robbers rob, let the killers kill, and let the authorities deal with them. You don’t count.
There is only ONE way to eliminate public school violence.
Unless you kick their butt back when no one’s looking so, if they complain, they’ll have to admit they “fell down the stairs” while picking on someone else first.
I grew up in that universe. I hope it still exists somewhere.
Jack fights one bully his Dad fights the other.
So, 145-pound Jack takes on 185-pound bully and wins? And, said bully doesn’t have a group of other bullies with him? And, bully doesn’t resume the fight as soon as he thinks he can win? Yeah, right.
Most 12 year olds have no idea how to properly ball up a fist and throw an actual punch to the nose. Armed with a few solid foundational skills (and assuming we’re talking about a run of the mill bully and not a gang banger) yes, a 145 pounder can give up 40 pounds and still win.
And if he doesn’t win he’ll at least learn that losing a fight isn’t the worst thing in the world that can happen. That’s valuable too.
or, Jack forms a gang of his own and learns the way of the Jedi from Yoda.
Fighting is not always the answer but sometimes it is. You should not hit but if you must, hit hard enough so your adversary does not get up again.
Frankly, Jack, it doesn’t even matter if he wins. Bullies are looking for victims, not fights. Resistance is very, very often enough all by itself and it is, in any case, empowering to the victim in a way you clearly wouldn’t understand. I’m sorry a grown man hasn’t learned that, but my 13 years’ experience in law enforcement reinforced this lessons from my youth in a very rough neighborhood.
Just wanted to highlight this truth, as a public service.
Left/liberals are also looking for victims not fights… left/libtard progressives are bullies, could it be?
You’re absolutely right. Bullies are looking for victims. In most cases if you fight back they either back down or look elsewhere. When I was growing up I didn’t get my growth spurt until I was almost 18. Up until then I looked like I was 12. I was the target for some minor bullying which didn’t really bother me, but there was one bully who seemed to think his mission in life was to make my life miserable. To make matters worse, he had a group of followers who egged him on. I think they thought that if they toadyed up to him he would leave them alone. I took a few minor smacks and considerable ridicule until it started to effect my grades and I became a walking bundle of nerves. I went to my Dad to ask advise. He was not a big man, but had been the fly weight champ of his fleet in the Navy back in WWII. He told me that if I continued to take the abuse, the bully would be more than happy to supply it. He said that I had to stand up to him even if it meant taking a beating but he would back me up at school. He also told me that “If you can’t beat him with your fists, find something to hit him with! There is no such thing as a fair fight!” The next time the bully came after me I slammed him in the face as hard as I could. He was surprised and stunned for a minute. Then he came after me and I took more shots than I gave, but didn’t stop and didn’t surrender. When a teacher broke it up I told the bully that then next time he came after me he better kill me because if he didn’t he would have to be looking over his shoulder for me constantly. I never had any trouble with him again.
Well said, sir.
Wow, you really do not know how the primitive mind works, do you?
You don’t do the dominance dance, you fight. Bullies do the dance. Even if you lose, you fight to hurt the bully, so he knows that, every time he bullies you, he feels pain. You may feel more pain, but you feel good about it. He doesn’t. He will always go bully someone else.
If you whip him, publicly, he never comes back. He cannot ambush you and still seem intimidating. He wants to look strong, not cowardly.
If he’s just the guy who likes to fight, if you give him a good fight, he will respect you and leave you alone.
Most importantly, the guy who won’t fight, simply is the guy who will never fight. He will not protect his nation, his community, his wife, nor even his own kids. He learns to be a coward. Cowardice is learned, as is courage. At some point, a boy has to choose which path he will take, and it stays with him for life.
I have a friend, just the nicest guy around. He was bullied as a kid, and he never fought back. He chose cowardice, and he has never recovered. He is smart, patient, personable, wealthy, attractive. He has never taken a wife, despite having everything that qualifies him as a great catch, because he feels too miserable about himself. He is cursed, knowing he’s a coward. He4 cannot get over it. He’d liek a woman and children, but he knows. He knows!
He maintains that men shouldn’t fight, but it is just an excuse. Our circle of friends has many manly types, men with much experience with violence, and still he says this stuff, which we all dismiss as nonsense. He knows his war history. He knows the result of appeasement and so on. Still, whjat else can he say? He knows it is just a dodge. He is miserable, because he chose cowardice. I love the guy, and feel terribly sorry for him. It is tragic.
A man who won’t fight loses what it is to be a man.
“He cannot ambush you and still seem intimidating. He wants to look strong, not cowardly”
Youre talking white kids, suburbs….
Black kids, Philly, will just shoot you in the back walking to school…if youre your baby sister in her stroller catches lead too, “mo’ better” for his cred.
““It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the figleaf of nonviolence to cover impotence.” –Gandhi
Damn right, sir.
I see that you settled in with the alternative.
Hehe…my kid has had to deal with bullies in school.
The school system informed me that if my kid – even if he was attacked – threw a punch in self defense after someone else started hitting him then he was going to be in trouble as well.
I responded that this was a conversation I was happy to have with them, and that I did not expect my son to accept being turned into some bully’s punching bag. I also told them they expected more self control of a teenager than they would an adult being attacked on the street.
I told my son, that if someone started punching him, to hit the bully in the nose just as hard as he could and try to break it.
He KNEW I would back him up if it came to it – but I was also just as adamant that he not be the first one to throw a punch as he would be in trouble with me at that point in addition to the school.
They could say what they wanted, as words aren’t going to physically hurt him if he ignores it, but when they laid hands on him then I expected him to defend himself.
A few years later, he took up for a smaller asthmatic friend who was being bullied by a much older kid in the boy’s restroom.
The bully apparently ended up in the urinal with a broken arm.
My son had grown quite a bit during those years…lol…
The funny thing is, nobody bullies him now, and the bully himself apparently changed his behavior substantially as a result.
Often, kicking the bully’s a$$ is the best favor you can do for them.
True, a well deserved ass whooping is something even God cant argue with.
Bullies suck, but most are to “smart” to actually fight.
Its the impunity of their persistent contempt, the name calling, the acceptance of their “superiority” that gets them off.
Its the “Eww, dont touch me freak!” after intentionally bumping the poor kid in front of the girls, just to humiliate him. Things like THAT wear you down the most, because to challenge “a fight” over it makes YOU the one over-reacting, over emotional, and out of control.
But they are also the ones that sting and simmer in your heart more than a black eye, and its becomes one damn bitter cycle.
You cant reason with them, saying “yo, stop f*cking with me, man… you want to fight, meet me outside” will only get you laughed at. Its sucks.
If I could do it (without going to jail, that is!) I’d like to form a “Star Chamber” of volunteers from across the country, who’d be willing to travel to places they’re not recognized, and perform “attitude adjustments” on specific bullies, their enabling parents, wife beaters, rogue cops, politicians and assorted dick-heads that need a mild-to-serious-ass-whooping from “people you DONT know, who know YOU, assh*le”
Everybody who uses the service has an “alibi”, and nobody who performs it has a “connection”
We can still dream cant we?
That’s what really saps the soul from you. You can’t even bring it to a head. He and his gang have all the angles figured out. There’s no one to fight. Some “children” are simply evil. If you can’t leave the school, then there is no escape. Ever.
Challenge? Of course challenging him to a fight only plays into his game. Simply infliting pain on him, on the other hand, informs him that there are harsher games than his.
Being humiliated IN SCHOOL by a contemptuous little shove/bump in the lunchroom while he (and his circle of friends?) laugh and “baby talk” mimic you with ”aw wassamatter you pussy, freak, loser, cry-baby..eeew why are you alive talking to me, GROSS!” wont excuse you throwing punches over “verbal taunts”…
If you ‘swing first” right then, and he (and is buddies?) will just grab you and hold you down and wait for Administrators to “break up the fight” telling them how “the freak just freaked out” and they’ re all just “Holding him down” so he doesn’t “hurt someone”…and you’re screwed
Responding with verbals “WTF is your problem with me dude? You want some, BRING IT…outside now jerk” will have them all fall backwards with laughter, in the “safety” of the Cafeteria, and they’ll ignore you for a time (rest of the week?) to ”defuse” your “right” of a swift confrontation/revenge for the Humiliation of Last Wednesday.
The best thing to do, is to FIND this bastard outside school, ALONE, and fight him.
No matter HOW big he is. “this shit end NOW” and fight till you think youre gonna die.
Then fight some more….
And tell no one.
Do it OFF School grounds, OFF school hours..let HIM be “the pussy” that goes to School Officials or his parents (or police). If he had the upper hand in the fight, he’d be reluctant to because “he beat you up”. If he LOSES, he wont want people to know that.
Parents, BE the victim if the school/cops make hay over it. “are you happy NOW, how many times have I complained about this, how many times have I told you this kid was bulling my son?” and threaten LAWSUITS THEM ALL, bullies parents too, if they don’t drop it right there.
You may get hurt, a busted nose, stiches or whatever, but he HAS to be physically confronted and “pay a price” for his treatment of you, even if you LOSE. This may have to happen several times (in High School years) to prove to him your have dignity and wont just “take it” no matter the consequences, but just once usually does it in elementary school… which is why “sooner the better” when it comes to Bullies.
In my experience, bullies really are cowards. They are typically physically larger, or maybe older and taller, and their victims are usually smaller than the average kid.
They target those who appear least likely to be able to defend themselves.
However, when that potential target shows a willingness to fight the calculations change drastically.
It is no longer an easy chuckle at no expense for the bully, it is a potential for getting hurt, and bullies don’t like even fights and they don’t like getting hurt.
Even if the target gets his butt kicked, he’s proven he’s no pushover who will simply take abuse and therefore is not considered a soft, easy target anymore.
As my Dad insisted, I was not expected to win every fight I got in while I was in school, but if I got my butt kicked I was required to make the other kid exert an effort and really work at kicking my butt!
I didn’t lose fights in school….
Why would you cripple his ability to defend himself?
Not crippling his defense at all. I simply set out ground rules for him that would also be applicable in his adult life.
As an adult, you are not allowed to physically put your hands on another person just because of what they are saying.
Even if they are making threatening noises or gestures, as long as they don’t touch you and are not in close enough proximity to lay a hand on you and are not presenting an immediate physical threat then the best you can do at that point is remain wary and keep your eye on them.
If you strike them first, YOU are the on being arrested on assault and battery charges while the jerk smirks from the sidelines for baiting you into getting yourself into trouble.
However, once they put hands on you, or attempt to take a swing at you – it IS self defense at that point.
As long as you can prove they instigated things physically, or there is sufficient doubt of their version of events to not draw conclusions, then you can argue self defense.
I took the same approach here.
As part of that same conversation, I also instructed him not to let them get behind him, not to be near them, not to let them get within arms reach – all with the intent of avoiding opportunities for them to get physical. If they still managed to get into close proximity and get physical, at least at that point he would see it coming and take the necessary actions.
It is also called situational awareness.
This was primarily because the school does have that idiotic zero policy.
They also have video cameras everywhere but with a hall full of hundreds of students jostling back and forth odds were too good that all the camera would reveal is my son punching someone as the crowd cleared away for the fight.
In other words, they could come up behind him and deliberately try to shove him down or some similar tactic – which on a poor quality grainy black and white video of a crowded hallway would be difficult to distinguish.
My son punching the kids lights out would, however, stand out.
Part of defending yourself is having situational awareness – the same as I have to do whether I’m carrying concealed at the time or not.
All in all, it was a learning experience for him.
While I wish society accepted that you could punch a bully for trying to egg $hit on with their would be victims, we sadly don’t have that societal arrangement at the moment and the practice of dueling at 20 paces has fallen out of favor in the current era….as such, we have to make do as best we can with the rules as they are.
F*ck their rules.
Do whats right.
The hassle you end up in is called “the price of freedom”
Would you be ok with someone punching you simply because they didn’t like you and disagreed with what you said?
Gotta have some sort of rules in society – but I openly note that the zero policy rule is stupid.
Note I didn’t say he had to get hit first before responding, only he couldn’t throw the first punch. You can avoid or block a punch if you know it’s coming all the while winding up to reciprocate in kind – something a bully is not expecting.
No, I think the advice I gave him was adequate and will serve him well even into adulthood.
Yo, Scottie,
” I openly note that the zero policy rule is stupid.
I didn’t say he had to get hit first before responding”
Yeah, dats what I said…
‘cept wit my “bawn in nu-f*ckin’Joisey” accent, it sound like:
“F*ck their rules.
Do whats right.
The hassle you end up in is called “the price of freedom”
Capiche’?
“The school system informed me that if my kid – even if he was attacked – threw a punch in self defense after someone else started hitting him then he was going to be in trouble as well.”
Edu-cowards. Adults have the legal right to defend themselves if attacked. And, if adults feel that kids in their in loco parentis care don’t, they can surely be responsible for “child neglect” if they don’t allow them to defend themselves and refuse to defend them as well.
Yes sir.
My husband was always the smallest kid in the class and took a lot of abuse from bullies. Parents sent him to military school for 10th grade, the year he grew to 6’3″. At military school, he learned to defend himself. When he went back to the old neighborhood, with the familiar group of kids, the same old bully came to test him. He knocked the guy down, stomped on his kidneys, put him in the hospital and became the confident man I love today.
What would he have done had he not grown to 6’3″, but had stayed a smaller man? Moving to military school would probably have helped him, either way.
Damn right…
I was in The Corps with some pencil necked pip-squeak “house mouse” mutherf*ckers that maybe weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet…in Tighty Whities in the squadbay you’d think some of them were 11 years old…
11 year olds with the heart of a Lion. Lightning fast in the Obstacle Course, light enough to “kip” 60-70 pull-ups in a row, and climb a rope without using their feet. Always shot ‘expert” and understood Land Nav, reverse azmuths and 8 digit grids like nobodies business.
I’ve seen them with their government issue nerdy black “birth control” eye glasses (cause you’ll NEVER get laid wearing them?) humping gear that BURIED them, doubled over with their face almost touching the road it seemed, still making stride up that steep hill…carrying a RADIO too, cause the “nerds” were the smart ones who could be trusted to remember all the frequ-changes call signs and passwords…
Fearless, tough, quiet uncomplaining little bastards that belonged on top of a WEDDING CAKE in Dress Blues.
When you were ready to drop and die on a 30 mile road-march, one of THEM would give you a nudge from behind and say “you got it man, you can do it”
Every one of them a “bigger man” than me, a full size “Medium Regular” bullet stopper, wheezing and coughing and barely hanging on.
Ya think any of THEM got bullied as a kid?
Maybe…but nobody dared try when they were 19.
Loved your post – right on.
Great memories. I’m sure your’re passing them on, as all us sheep dogs must.
Unfortunately, the most likely scenario, if dad tells Jack to fight back, is that the schools zero-tolerance policy will kick in and Jack will be suspended or expelled. The school will then file a report with Child “Protective” Services that the father was promoting violence in his son. A man-hating social worker will then go to the house and threaten mom with putting Jack in foster care unless she takes out a restraining order to remove dad from the home. To protect Jack she does so. The police escort dad out after seizing any guns he may have. Now we’re back to the fatherless home needing massive bureaucratic help (interference) and Jack is a bigger mess than before.
Dad, of course, has completely emasculated by a bully of a different sort.
From the government’s point of view: Mission accomplished!
See myth buster’s response, above. This is a bully that needs to be fought. If you have to have this conversation with the school, you lawyer up and go on the offense.
Alan, if all those things were really true, then the bully would have been stopped by the school system the first time he hit the victim. Think about it.
No, ‘fraid not; “no one saw him do it,” you see… but they did see the other kids defend himself and “all violence is wrong,” you know.
Greetings:
I grew up in the Bronx of the last ’50s and ’60s but was fortunate to be in a family that had a summer bungalow about 60 miles north in Putnam County. Thus, I had the benefit of both an urban culture and a country culture.
Spending summers upstate, my friends were country boys, used to going into the woods, camping overnight, and having our days to ourselves with no threat of nearby adult supervision. Before long, I wanted to acquire the local accoutrements, guns and knives being my highest priorities.
My city-girl mother wasn’t having any of it; my father, born in Ireland and a WWII graduate, quickly became my only chance for a successful acquisition. Initially, I separated him from his “war-knife” and subsequently began working on him for a 22 caliber rifle. When my mother found out that my father was having me join a gun club in preparation for my new tool, he and my mother had an intensive dinner time discussion about the appropriateness of a relative youngster having his own firearm.
My mother insisted that this was no way to raise a child. My father’s conclusionary statement was “I’m not raising a child; I’m raising a man.”
Your father did good.
Tough article to read…
I saw a few “Jacks” in my school days, and sadly, I succumbed to the “easiness” of making fun of them at times too, as a buffer to protect myself from the same bullies.
And its not just the one bully, it’s the Clique, the category, the pecking order. Jack HAS no friends, because its not ‘safe” for your fragile, desperate “status” to risk being LIKE him. To be associated with him, to feel for him. Its not the Bully that hurts, its KNOWING youre at the bottom, where the best you can hope for is to be ignored.
Luckily I was bigger than average by Freshman year in high school, so I could say “knock-it off” to (some) older kids when the “nerds” were being tormented in my presence. People would back off on the physical stuff (atomic wedgies, food in the hair)for the moment, but they still were “dirt”, the un-cool, friendless kids that got snubbed. And then OTHER upperclassmen would come looking for ME, the loudmouth, the wiseguy with the “attitude”. It was tough for my parents because I fought a lot in High School, and I started to LIKE it, actually looking for trouble, slights, injustices and running beefs that kept escalating and needed to be settled with fists. I got suspended a few times over my sense of “justice” and “intolerance” for bullies, and all that had no small impact in my later decision to become a Marine and Firearms Instructor as an adult.
But I still have “issues” almost 40 years later, for succumbing to the fear and turning my back on “Jack” in the 6th grade… when he looked at me for “help”, and I, his one “ kinda-sorta-almost” friend, saw the writing on the wall, and abandoned him.
I was so desperate for his humiliation not to also be mine that day, I laughed as he cried, knocked his books out of his hands, and called him names as I pretended to be “with” the other kids, for my own self-preservation of “status”
The pain on his face has stuck with me for all these years, especially now as I raise MY son, and try to imagine him being hurt in such a way, by the one person he depended on that moment.
Whenever I’m feeling high and mighty, holier than thou, I think of poor “Jack” and how I let him down…
Nice fantasy, almost believable right up until this ”especially after the school chose not to discipline Jack in any way for defending himself.”
As a teacher I can confirm that when bullies hurt people they are generally ignored, when victims defend themselves they are generally harshly punished.
This is true, for the same reason the Police bend over backwards to prosecute self defense shooting cases, and why ‘The Boss” will “make life miserable” for the ONE outspoken employee who’s doing their job correctly…
Because you are showing the flaws in their magnificent system, and THAT is forbidden
“Educators” (used loosely) wish they were Big Brother and tolerate bullies keeping those ungrateful thinking children who want to learn down.
One thing I’ve realized is that a lot of people who go into the education field were themselves bullies/mean girls, or bully wannabees, in school. They are attracted to education because they see it as an easy opportunity to dominate others in an environment where nobody can fight back. They emphasize with the bullies in the schools they run, and tend to see the bully victims as pathetic losers that don’t deserve protection.
Many journalists are the same way.
There is some truth in that. I know of several teachers who behave as bullies and seem to sympathise with bullies.
An unpleasant aspect to the profession.
That’s not a reason to “not” teach the children to defend themselves and because one is right, to totally disregard the punishment, you can bet the classmates will know who was right.
BTW…mom’s can give the same advice.
We’ve been in a running battle with our bullied kid to get him to stand up for himself. We’ve taught him to throw a punch and how to never take a step backwards when a fight’s brewing–step forward and make the other guy back up. After a bully drove one of our boy’s friends out of the school, we warned him that he might be the next target, we rehearsed with him what to say and how to act and gave him permission to throw a punch, if necessary.
A fairy tale, fighting back. The entire social system is designed to perpetuate the notion that fighting is bad. Jack fights back, he gets expelled from school. His lone parent, mom no doubt, has to find somewhere to put him. He still has to go to counseling because now he’s labeled “disturbed and violent”. If the police become involved, he gets a juvinile record.
There’s no good or easy answers to the problem of bullies. Americans like to think they stick up for the underdog, but not if it’s outside a sporting context. Americans like peace and quiet. Victims who fight back are viewed as trouble-makers by both schools, the law, and the community. That’s why bullying persists. That and the fact that bullies have parents too who rarely see that side of their child and have just as ready access to lawyers as the victims do.
I was taught that if the social system (or whatever it was called back then) prohibited me from defending myself, then the social system be damned. Do what you have to do, and take the lumps as the honorable price of doing what’s right.
By my mother.
How Socialism is built… don’t let kids defends themselves and they’ll be adults who won’t defend themselves (look how it’s going in left/liberal New York– they won’t mind not having guns either).
You are wrong. Samuel Adams said it best: If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.
For a second there at the end I thought Jack was going to end up with the mag light shoved really far up his…but then I remembered the corny Ann Landers-like first part of the story and realized Jack was going to be fine and save the neighborhood. I wish we could all be like Bry..I mean Jack.
So did I, or for him to get shot.
There have been cases like that within hearing range here. Very few, but they happen given how things are declining. What you do is look from a darkened room still careful not to ghost yourself in the window and call the cops and give them a detailed description of what is happening. If it’s loud enough you can even hold the phone to the mail slot or something so the operator might hear it. If other neighbors also call, the cops will probably come quickly and in force.
The thugs don’t have to be directly confronted or even know who in the area called. The police just show up and (hopefully) do their job.
Violence never solves a problem but defending oneself is not violence in my book. If a bully tries to intimidate a kid, striking back is the only way to go, not the sitting down and talking BS. I know, I tried it and when the result was a total ass whipping by the bully, the next time, I used 2×4 justice and wasn’t bothered again. I know I am of a different age and it would not be a good thing for me to have to go to school in the environment so many kids have to do today.
One of the best lines from a movie, “Second Hand Lions” was when the kid stood up to the mother’s boyfriend. “Prepare to defend yourself” is a good way to react and mean it. You may lose the fight but you won’t lose your self-respect by running away.
Hogwash. Violence solves millions of problems ever year.
Most of what goes into our history books is cases of violence solving problems.
“Violence never solves a problem,” eh? Violence solved World War II… Saddam Husein, too.
“Anybody who clings to the historically untrue – and thoroughly immoral – doctrine that ‘violence never solves anything’ I would advise to conjure up the ghosts of Napoleon Bonaparte and the Duke of Wellington and let them debate it. The ghost of Hitler could referee, and the jury might well be the Dodo, the Great Auk, and the Passenger Pigeon. Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Breeds that forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and their freedom.” –Robert Heinlein
I have to agree that violence solve certain problems. Bullying is one of them. Secondhand Lions is one of my favorite movies!
Good.
As the rest have said, it’s a nice fantasy. In the real world, when Jack follows the second path, he gets badly beaten by the bully because David usually doesn’t beat Goliath, the kid who’s not naturally inclined to fight isn’t very good at it, and his ineffective punch goes nowhere.
But suppose the second path doesn’t go off the rails there. It will when the school expels Jack for fighting, because self-defense doesn’t apply at schools and the bully, who has no moral qualms, gets his lousy mother (who of course denies that her little boy could do any wrong) to complain to the school about Jack beating him up. With an expulsion for violence on his record, Jack finds himself relegated to community colleges where the best his intelligence can take him is to a decent skilled trade.
But hey, maybe the school is unusual and take’s Jack’s side. Jack grows up, and shines a flashlight in the faces of the thugs on his street. Since Jack doesn’t have a gun to flash, and the thugs do, Jack ends up shot–after all, the thugs aren’t local, and they don’t care about strangers ending up dead. If he’s lucky, he lives through it.
On the other hand, if Jack follows the first path, 99.99999% of the time Jack learns to ignore his bully. He throws himself into other, productive activities, and associates more with adults than with immature kids his own age. Come high school, the bully mostly ignores Jack–Jack isn’t in any of his remedial classes or anywhere to be seen after school. Jack finds his own friends in theater, debate, whatever other productive scholastic activities he finds. Jack ends up in the top 10% of his class, goes on to a good college, and becomes a productive citizen (if he’s smart enough to learn productive skills in college, that is). The bully…well, maybe he’ll grow up. He’ll either become a do-nothing thug or a has-been if he doesn’t, not much of a threat to anyone.
This myth that the Newtown shooting and similar horrors happen because boys don’t learn how to become men through responsible violence is nonsense. These shootings are exceedingly rare, and becoming a man doesn’t require violence. It requires taking responsibility for one’s actions, and if a boy isn’t naturally inclined to fight for real, encouraging him to do so won’t help. A boy who is naturally violent should be encouraged to channel his violence in responsible ways, through organized fighting and martial arts and preparation for a career using responsible force (police or the military). There’s no reason to turn every boy into a macho tough guy.
Brian, you are part of the problem.
Brian,
Couple of points:
The Bullies in our area arent dumb thugs in remedial classes. They ARE the top 10%, the ones locked on to an Ivy League school and a solid future. They are the handsome and popular pampered protege’ of McMasion living (absentee father) executives and Trophy Wife number 3.
The teachers either envy them, or FEAR them, because Daddy Has Lawyers, or IS a lawyer…or a councilman, state senator, or some kind of government connected assh*le with lots of people who owe him “favors”
These kids have the money for drugs and “White Kid Ghetto-chic” along with the ability to BUY their way out of underage DWI car crashes, pot, pill and ‘Rave Party” debacles that send 13 year old girls to the hospital, and vandalism episodes that burn down landmark 150 year old covered bridges.
These are the “bullies” in our neck of the woods.
Not “thugs”
Pretty People.
Ken and Barbie dolls with perfect grades, perfect smiles, and perfect lives ahead of them.
If they bully YOUR kids, well, just STFU and stop making trouble.
These kids are SPECIAL, cant you see that?
THATS how it works in these parts.
To a greater or lesser degree, that’s how it works in most parts.
A fair point (I assume, Root, that you live in a fairly rich suburb, where that sort of thing is typical–the article appears to be describing a school with a different dynamic). But, that situation just makes seeking out a chance to fight back much, much dumber. To quote Sun Tzu, “On difficult ground, keep on the march; on hemmed-in ground, resort to strategem; on desperate ground, fight.” Telling your child to go and physically fight back against bullies who aren’t just stronger than him, but are much more politically powerful than him, isn’t turning him into a man–it’s just stupid. My second paragraph applies even more here, because now the bully’s lousy parents aren’t just loud, they’re powerful. Teach him self-defense, yes, but better to avoid the situation in the first place if he can help it.
There is a difference between being tough and being stupid. You can fight the system, but not by ramming your head into it. And sometimes the right answer isn’t to fight, but to avoid fighting until the situation favors you.
I think you’ve made a valid point. The measure of a man is not just his ability to confront physical danger or engage in physical combat. Some boys – some men – are simply not built for that kind of thing, physically or emotionally. The world is full of thinkers and doers, fighters and nurterers, leaders and followers. Trying to turn every boy into a doer-fighter-leader-of-men is just as bad as trying to turn them into girls (which is what schools and the wider culture try to do today).
It’s also dangerous. You take an unstable nerd, bully him, feed him the constant message that he’s not manly enough to make the grade, and one day he might decide to “prove himself” by shooting up your school. Better to let him revel in his nerdness, encourage him to do what he’s good at, and protect him from larger, strong, and stupider boys.
Speaking of protection, I always thought it was the duty of “macho” guys to protect the “weak and innocent” from bullies. I’m wondering why more decent boys don’t stand up for their nerdy bros. Is there a way to convince them that not doing so is cowardly? Would nerds feel emasculated if they received help from their more physical schoolmates?
Bugs you ask a good question! I think being defended by a good guy is preferable to being beaten by a bad guy. Just my guess, though.
Anyone who doubts this, google Steubenville high school football rape club (complete with “Mom the Prosecutor who surprise! won’t prosecute”)
Those are bullies and, when they grow up, they’re called “cronies” (as in Solyndra) because the rules that applyl, to everyone else don’t apply to them and Democrats.
Nah, in a reasonably natural world, boys who aren’t naturally violent get killed, or they learn to be smart and devious. In the real world, the linemen and linebackers, usually even the quarterback, wind up working for the pencil-necked geek they picked on in high school. And the pencil-necked geek is probably screwing their old girlfriends too; there’s something about that money and power thing.
I agree–I’m not sure what you’re disagreeing with. Fortunately, we don’t live in a state of nature. Peaceful trade is a lot more productive and creates a lot more happiness than violence.
“Peaceful trade is a lot more productive and creates a lot more happiness than violence”
Yes, buts thats a decidedly Western Christian philosophy.
Unfortunately, we DO live in a “state of nature”, where Mogadishu is the norm, and Disneyland is not. Christianity, peace and trade are the exceptions on this planet, not the rule.
Violence…subtle and not so subtle….from Barbie-doll bullies to Muslim Beheaders, union thugs and ‘Executive action” second amendment violations…violence and the threat of it for “noncompliance” to self appointed bullies, is the single constant of mankind that even the thickest veneer of “civilization” thus far created, has been able to change one iota.
What I’m saying is that boys are naturally violent. They sorted it out doing violent boy things for hundreds of thousands of years. In the last ten thousand years or so, the smart guy began to evolve. For most of that time, the smart guy had to be good with his fists and weapons too. He doesn’t anymore, at least not in that most of the time when he’s not getting mugged leaving with his wife and kids from the neightborhaood bar.
I have this for you: If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.
My heart and my head share the same world as The Root’83, if not the same role, and to some extent, Mythbuster.
The guy who stands up for himself does so because he’s in the position of having to, which means he’s in an inferior position, which means he’s alone.
I was Jack. And I took 2 different paths. When I was a boy, I was as normal as apple pie and better than most physically, even though I was a slight kid. Then, in 7th grade, I was sent to a school where I knew no one and it was a very unpleasant place. Most of the really big kids weren’t kids. I went to school with 8th and 9th graders that drove and did auto body repair and did roofing with their father’s buddies in the summer. They weren’t the problem, but, let’s just leave it now because I really don’t want to remember how scared I was most of the time…
Cut to high school. When a martial arts school opened up I jumped in with both feet and continued through college and beyond.
What the writer is talking about is what happens to a person and how that person becomes reflective of a multitude. It took YEARS to gain back my self respect, and the challenge of maintaining that respect never goes away. As I quoted Aristotle to a commentor after the general election, “we become courageous by acting courageously.” The biggest difference I see today is the willingness to accept cowardice as our lot. Even the lowest among us used to hate ourselves for acting cowardly. Now, it has become a kind of situational pragmatism. We tell ourselves that we can do no better…ever, and that it would be foolish to try.
I pray for my boys. I’m trying, trying, and thank God I married a woman who understands life’s realities, but it is an uphill battle when there is so little support in the broader population. Still, locally, we share some of the old values. At any rate, failure is unacceptable.
If a person knows that they have value, they are more willing to defend themselves. Interestingly, they’re less likely to start trouble as well.
Terence,
Martial Arts is a good thing, but they werent very popular (commonplace) when I was a kid.
Our son is 7 and has been at it for several years, and I really like what I see in the 12-15 year olds who “assist” the instructors with the younger kids as part of their Blackbelt achievent requirements.
They are confident, decent kids with strong morals. Some of them are “nerdy”, hate to say, even now you can spot who’s probably regarded as “uncool” in the fishbowl of high school. But they all have character, and even though you can tell they COULD kick some ass if they needed to, you also can tell they would never NEED to….because the typical, evil, hurtful teenage harassment they probably face DOES NOT BOTHER THEM AT ALL.
They are mature, above it all, and being CAPABLE of seriously defending themselves tempers their decision making. They “respect” their fighting abilities far too much to use them in any petty circumstance. They are “good kids” full of positive energy, who dont “need” peer approval to define who they are, and I make it a point to tell their parents thats what I see in them, and I hope my son stays in “the program” to be like their kids.
The difficult and most important part of being a Man and a Citizen, is to understand the NEED for violence, to have the CAPACITY for violence, and the JUDGEMENT to administer it when morally necessary.
You cannot relinquish the responsibility to USE violence defend your life, your rights, and the lives and rights of your neighbors, the sick, the old, the weak and the small.
Sometimes, there is no other option, and telling young boys its NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE an option, is a huge disservice to their proper moral development.
You create victims, and enable bullies, when you insist on “zero tolerance”
What you create in effect, is “zero resistance” to aggression, usurpation’s and tyranny.
Excellent post ‘Root. I have never been able to understand how a person can think that violence is unacceptable under all circumstances. The fighting spirit in each of us has a purpose and is to be channeled, not snuffed out or oppressed, but to be used with careful judgement. I have to agree with the anonymous poster above who wrote…
“How Socialism is built… don’t let kids defends themselves and they’ll be adults who won’t defend themselves…”
It wouldn’t surprise me if this campaign we are witnessing to suppress and confuse boys about their manhood is part of a broader objective to pacify humanity to enslave them. Many societies now embrace this watered-down counterfeit of manliness. Fortunately, many good role models abound, in spite of the state sponsored effort to mess with this vital element of human nature.
Great memory. Keep up the good work.
The first option, that’s reality. Option 2 is fantasy.
Take option two and the bully and his gang beat the snot out of you, stab you or find you on the street later and shoot you. If they are the upper class type of bully “The Root” mentions, then the school, students and staff, will hate you, especially if said thug is also a jock particularly a football player. Social ostracism and even worse bullying, that’s what you’d get, and possibly sued or arrest if the thug’s parents are connected enough.
I can speak first hand about that. The bullies I grew up with around here and in school were from upper crust families that were connected to both politics and law enforcement. Some of those kids, and their chosen friends, were mean as devils but could get away with anything. They could come in my yard, hop the dogyard fence and kick the stuffing out of my dogs, nothing. They could throw smokebombs into the leaf filled gutters trying to set my house on fire, nothing. They could stick their pellet guns through the mail slot and around the window air conditioners and try to shoot me or the dogs (when my mother wasn’t home), nothing. Though I did get stern talking to’s when I smacked one of those barrels a sledge hammer causing the stock to bust the thug in the face or ran them off my dogs with a machete.
“They’re boys being boys, you’ve got to toughen up.” Yeah, I’d like to see how they liked it if street thugs were keeping them penned in their houses like that.
Anyway, my point is that you never know how psycho the bully really is. It’s not like in the old days were you could, maybe knock one down and you’d end up friends. Even in my childhood days that Leave it to Beaver stuff was over. The schools and the cops are the ones who have to deal effectively with bullies. Sad thing is they refuse. More sad is that we don’t have the career option bullies are best suited for: Ancient Romans style Gladiator fighting.
Are your chains nice and comfy?
That didn’t take long for a snide comment from a novicius though I am surprised it is only one.
Actually the chains are on the old bullies now, something you’ll likely find out about when you grow up. My life’s fine, they’re the ones with the failed marriages, prison records, etc.
Glad you lived through it. It is satisfying isn’t it!
Backed into a literal corner one summer by some scary big city kids who thought the nice guy was a fun target because he was bigger and made them feel stronger to intimidate.
No choice unless I wanted to curl up in fear and beg for mercy from those who had shown they were going to push until they met resistance. So one punch and a few “whoooaahs” in response. None of the kids punched back then or ever. It really just becomes a simple statement of the personal rights and dignity you’re not going to lose to them.
The question then is if the bullies decide it’s worth taking things to a more violent level just to deprive you of your rights. Most have no reason to go that far. The internal calculation of risk/reward swings back in favor of the defender.
i told my boy when he was a little kid he was 5’2″ 106 jr. in high school. they can talk all they want, it’s verbal volleyball any way. you have a god given right to defend yourself, i will back you up on this 100%. they put their hands on you, you blast them right in the snot locker. oh ya by the way it’s on after that. you don’t defend yourself everyone is gonna f&^%k with you after that.the neighborhood talks and they get know who they can mess with and who they can’t. if you want a piece of jack you’re gonna have to pack a lunch.
I had to deal with bullies when in grade school, and Bryan’s account is very accurate. When my own kids were small, they were each offered the ability to skip a grade. So I thought about that, then enrolled them in a martial arts academy when they were four and five years old. When my oldest boy was about ten, having studied karate for five years, he let slip that a kid in school had tried to intimidate him. He had been appointed cleanup monitor which entailed sweeping up the classroom between classes. When the teacher wasn’t there, another kid who had been held back twice, and was very beefy, knocked another kid to the ground then stood in front of my kid’s broom so he couldn’t do his job. I asked him what he did, and he said that he just waited until the bully got tired and went away. So I asked him if the bully scared him, and he replied: “No, not at all, I knew just where his ba**s were.”
Fear and indecision are overcome by training. You train and train and train. Then when something challenging happens, you just act. Never try to threaten a soldier, never try to intimidate a pilot.
Problem is the bully’s parents will sue and the cops will be ready to arrest the kid defending himself. Take a look around you folks. What’s going on today in schools and with boys in particular is MONSTROUS. This is what the Marxist feminist movement was all about. The deliberate destruction of the psychological/emotional well being of males so they would become marginalized and useless in the eyes of women. One of the proudest days of my life with my son was when I picked him up from sports and he barged out of the school door, shirt torn, buttons missing, disheveled and grinning from ear to ear. He had just beaten the shit out of a kid who had been tormenting him for months. I was afraid it would come to that because I was fearful that HE would be the one held to account. It didn’t happen but that’s what parents have to face. My advice to him was to develop a lacerating nasty mouth and humiliate the kid to death but that’s a FEMALE thing and when it came right down to it, the kid kicked ass. And his tormentor later became a friend. I read somewhere once that a every man needs to use his fists at least once in his life. I think it’s true.
People in “evolved” left/liberal countries (e.g., France, Britain, etc.) aren’t allowed to defend themselves or own guns because “all violence is wrong” and our caring progressive educators want to mold our children into being adults just like that– isn’t that so special! Bullies serve the function of keeping lawabiding decent folk occupied and cowed so they aren’t causing their bureaucratic betters trouble (you’ve noticed eduacators never do anything about bullying if they can help it or, if forced to, would never upset their lunch plans or devote more than a single instance of their time to do so?).
Exactly…
Why else do you think a “government” that just Sentenced a murderer to death then does an immediate back flip and expends resources to “automatically” begin an appeal process that takes decades, even WHEN the convict asks them to stop?
The Government NEEDS bullies (and gang-bangers, rapists, and yes, school shooters too) to expand its operational domain to infinity, and beyond.
Hurray for you and your son!
Coward of the County by Kenny Rogers
Ev’ryone considered him the coward of the county.
He’d never stood one single time to prove the county wrong.
His mama named him Tommy, the folks just called him yellow,
But something always told me they were reading Tommy wrong.
He was only ten years old when his daddy died in prison.
I looked after Tommy ’cause he was my brother’s son.
I still recall the final words my brother said to Tommy:
“Son, my life is over, but yours is just begun.
Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
Now it won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you’re old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.”
There’s someone for ev’ryone and Tommy’s love was Becky.
In her arms he didn’t have to prove he was a man.
One day while he was workin’ the Gatlin boys came callin’.
They took turns at Becky…. n’ there was three of them!
Tommy opened up the door and saw his Becky cryin’.
The torn dress, the shattered look was more than he could stand.
He reached above the fireplace and took down his daddy’s picture.
As his tears fell on his daddy’s face, He heard these words again:
“Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
Now it won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you’re old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.”
The Gatlin boys just laughed at him when he walked into the barroom.
One of them got up and met him halfway ‘cross the floor.
When Tommy turned around they said, “Hey look! ol’ yellow’s leavin’.”
But you coulda heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and locked
The door.
Twenty years of crawlin’ was bottled up inside him.
He wasn’t holdin’ nothin’ back; he let ‘em have it all.
When Tommy left the barroom not a Gatlin boy was standin’.
He said, “This one’s for Becky,” as he watched the last one fall.
And I heard him say,
“I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you done.
I’ve walked away from trouble when I can.
Now please don’t think I’m weak, I didn’t turn the other cheek,
And Papa, I sure hope you understand:
Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man.”
Ev’ryone considered him the coward of the county.
I’m a single mom and my son had been bullied by a friend of one of the neighborhood kids, and it went on for quite a while until one day he came into the house and told me he’d just beaten up the bully. I congratulated him.
Oh, and the next day at school my son was high-fived by lots of other kids and the bully never bothered him again.
Y’all done good!
I’m sure most of you have seen and enjoyed the whipping administered to the bully Scut Farcus by Ralphie in Jean Sheperd’s “A Christmas Story”. In the story on which the incident in the movie was based, Sheperd speculates that males have an inner “Tasmanian Devil” that can be released on such occasions. Ralphie felt guilty, not for the fighting, but for the string of profanity he released while doing so. Sheperd also says (with satire presumably) that the bullies may grow up to become Type A personalities and captains of industry.
A heartwarming and idiotic tale.
This is an interesting, albeit old fashioned tale. It isn’t as cut and dried as the writer makes it seem. Some bullies don’t like being beat up and will come back after you, sometimes with help. They have nothing to lose for the most part and are not worried about getting kicked out of school or in trouble with the law.
There were guys out to get me in high school, several of them cornered me and were going to kick the crap out of me. I talked my way out of it realizing I was going to lose because I couldn’t take on 5 guys at once who are bigger and were better fighters. I was bummed for a few days but I got over it. I reasoned that challenging them then and there could have backfired and I was probably better off for not doing it.
Later on, these guys probably wondered why their cars were busted up. They had screwed with so many people who knew who did it? So I got my little revenge, not that I am recommending that approach. I didn’t much care what people thought of me in school so I felt no real shame for having talked my way out of a beating. I had a few close friends and that was fine. It didn’t leave any lasting emotional scars that I know of but I still remember it.
The point is you have to pick your battles. Not every incident is a life altering moment but it can be if you make the wrong decision. If a guy is giving you crap and he seems basically sane and doesn’t have a gang behind him, maybe you take him on. These days however the gang is far more common. It doesn’t even have to be an organized street gang either, there are groups of kids with lousy parents who are more than willing to do things I would have never thought of as a kid.
The schools won’t do much to help, nor will law enforcement. If you fight back you could end up in big trouble yourself. Maybe you punch somebody in self defense and get sued. Sometimes somebody ends up dead. Most of the bullies from my youth ended up being losers as adults, maybe it is different now. The bottom line is there is no one way of handling anything, you have to be strategic and not let your emotions drive you to do things that end up making matters worse.
One thing that worked for me was befriending some big kids who knew how to fight. I never got messed with again after that.