Ladies, some of you are just too programmed by the hormones.  And just for the record, I don’t think Mitt Romney is anywhere near the kind of guy who “is all about service.” Far from using his hands to give a soothing foot-massage, I see Romney with that smug smile on his face shaking hands with Chinese millionaires and growing his financial empire while they send us more lead-filled crap for our children to play with.

Poor Susan B. Anthony must be rolling in her grave to hear some of the emotional nonsense coming from female voters. All that fighting for our suffrage so we can debate who would rub our feet? Really? Okay look, maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps back in her day, Susan thought Millard Fillmore was hot and just couldn’t wait to get in there and pull that lever! Maybe Ulysses S. Grant really curled her socks and inspired her to draft the first version of the 19th Amendment using the small of his back as a desk, like John Malkovich and Uma Thurman in Dangerous Liaisons.

Surely we girls are capable of so much more than mere presidential beefcake. That kind of talk would never fly if men tried it: Imagine some guy calling Hannity or Limbaugh and saying, “I really like Michele Bachmann for president because she would give me a foot massage like nobody’s business.” Sick, right??

Ladies: it’s going to be a long campaign season. I know that most of us out there are smart, thoughtful, analytical – and funny – women who have opinions with backbone, but for those of you gals contemplating the candidates based on the warm-and-fuzzy factor, PLEASE do the rest of us a favor and raise the bar just a teeny, tiny bit before you go to the polls.