BREAKING NEWS! ADVANCE COPY OF BARACK OBAMA'S POST-VACATION SPEECH!

FORE! Score! Seven years ago my backers brought me forth from Illinois in a new campaign, conceived as liberal and dedicated to the proposition that all outcomes must be rated equal.

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Now we are engaged in a great civility war, testing whether that campaign, or any campaign conceived on being medicated, can be endured. The economy is the great battlefield of that war. We have come to medicate by apportionment that field as the final testing-place of those who gave up their jobs that taxation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense, we can’t yet medicate. We cannot tax-abate, we can’t let freedom abound. Let’s rave then, acquiring debt which builds up here, and concentrate it far above their poor power to stop or subtract.

The world will buy our notes and not remember what I say here, though you may never forgive what I did here. It is Fore! you the giving rather to be medicated here by the diminished worth which I have fought here to thus far so nobly advance. It is rather Fore! you to be here medicated as the great task remaining be Fore! us—as from these accrued debts we take our reparation in that cause Fore! which you give us our full-measured reparation—and we here highly resolve that these debts shall bring us high-speed trains, that this nation underwater shall have a new birth of free stuff, and that government of the people, on the people, by some people shall not perish from the earth.

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