Dear Dr. Bones,

First off, notice how Neocomrade R. Simon, Freiherr von Padschaama, has taken to usin’ the _kaiserlich-königlich_ pronoun: Their Lordship announces that “This is OUR country.”

Now Their Lordship’s political clock may seem to the Muses and you and me be runnin’ a little fast, for the holy Homeland™ can not altogether be Their country — a blessèd Neoterica fit for _Freidamen und Freiherren_ — before President Summers and Mr. O’Bama are somehow disposed of. Bbut you are to remember, sir, that the F&F neogentry think the disposal process is well under weigh already.

Indeed, Their Lordship no doubt intended Their present oracle to contribute to that very process. Th. L. not havin’ been raised to be a political operative, one must doubt that this neoperformance will do amy damage, but clearly Th. L. hopes that it may.[1]

Neocomrade R. Simon’s claims to _Freiherrschaft_ seem indisputable to me, sir, so let us start with those of Neocomradess A. E. Kornblut over at Fox-on-15th-Street. [2]

_Heute gehört ihnen Kansas …_, or so says Mr. Thomas Frank, at least, “… _und morgen die ganze Welt!_”

Should that particular tomorrow ever actually dawn, Dr. Bones, _Ihre Excellenz_ here will be in like Flynn, no doubt about it. Probably higher in the neopeerage than a mere ‘baron,’ as the F-word is customarily rendered in the Greater Texan language. Whether Neocomradess A. E. Kornblut will be a really credentialled _Freidame_, or perhaps a _Freidame honoris causâ_ , I have no idea, never having distinctly noticed the little lady before. Still, nobody can deny that the former _Washington Post_ is doin’ its damndest to prequalify as a _Freizeitung_ for when _der Tag_ finally comes. So perhaps all the hired hands over on Fifteenth Street will be accepted as freeladies and freegents durin’ workin’ hours, despite possessin’ no such exalted rank as mere individual organisms.

One of the salient characteristics of the impendin’_Freizeitungsschreiberei_ is nicely realised here by Von Padschaama: Their Lordship makes sure that customers are not exposed to the raw poison spewed by Barry the Unbearable. Why waste time listenin’ to the defendant rant and rave, when the Frau Parteianwaltin just happens to have come equipped with a concise summary that preserves all the important points, if any, and preserves decorum too? Especially in a case like “Neufreiheimatland v. B. H. O’Bama,” where every freekangaroo in the freecourt is bound to know Barry’s tedious same-old same old almost by heart? [3]

“Never give a sucker an even break” is bound to be one of the great guidin’ maxims of the _heilige Neufreiheimatland_, Dr. Bones. Second in neoïmportance shall it be, perhaps, only to that _Caveat emptor_ so plainly slated to replace _E pluribus unum_ once Foxcuckooland becomes Foxcuckooworld and

“Rupert in Whom are all things / Shall be all things to kids.” [4]

For the moment, though, “the joke is on [Their Lordship],” Who seems not to be almost as “not amused” as Victoria Regina et Imperatrix notoriously proclaimed Herself. _Freidamen und Freiherren_, both past and neoproleptic, have a distinct flair for nonamusement, it seems to the present keyboard.

(( But hush, it’s not nice to make fun of mental cripples. [5] ))

And I wish you, sir,
Healthy days.

___
[0] Even in darkest Großpreussen, Dr. Bones, _Freidame_ has never had the honour to be idiomatic.

_Staatsanwaltin_, though, is for real. And once the freeladies and freegents have smashed the Wicked State, what sort of a kangarooess will do their neoprosecutin’ for ’em ever after if not _eine Parteianwaltin_? Q. E. D.

[1] Whenever a political rhetor wanders off into dense thickets of insincerity like Their Lordship’s “I found (X) to be deeply disturbin’,” we know where we are, do we not, sir? Neukamerad von Padschaama is exactly like our own beloved Aunt Nitsy [http://tinyurl.com/ygpkfxq] when it comes to makin’ Pharasaïcal claims of perturbation. All it means is that the hack journalism in question secretly wants to be be all 318 Estates of the Realm combined, and not continually come in fourth.

(( Their Lordship would make fun of such deep disturbance in a flash if They read it in the _New York Times_ instead of doin’ it for Theirself. At this point the analogy may be a little less strict: in some cases, if not all, I think Nitsy would admit the subjective sincerity of deep self-disturbances at Hooverville and Rio Limbaugh: _i.e._, that the kiddies and neokiddies really *are* feelin’ a little miffed, though they have no better than juvenile and/or self-neoteric reasons to show for it. But Father Zeus knows best. ))

[2] http://tinyurl.com/ygaxkf9 [400 words] ; http://tinyurl.com/ybq73j4 [600 words]

(( Body counts are provided to make clear how doubtful it seems that even the Freiherr Theirself ever got autodisturbed about all 2,200 alleged words. ))

[3] Mark the unconscious cunnin’ of language, Dr. Bones: will it not make an even more scrumptious neotomottow for the Kiddie Selfservative Movement when the district attorney introduces a very FREE summary of each defendant’s intolerable prolixity? (Have you ever wished you were a kangaroo yourself, sir? It may be that they really DO have more fun.)

[4] Season’s greetings, Dr. Bones: _O quanta qualia sunt illa neosabbata_ that the kiddies will be neocelebratin’ when their _Parteimorgen_ finally comes! [http://tinyurl.com/yzmcurp]

[5] Not very nice even inside (( double parens )) or a [footnote] !

Still, should I be hauled up before the _Neufreivolksgericht_ to account for this present _scandalum magnatum_ after the Radiant Neodawn has come to pass, I shall plead that nobody sane could refer to Neocomrade R. Simon, Freiherr von Padschaama, as a “mental cripple,” not after him havin’ displayed even more foresight than the Fox-on-15rh neogentry in pervertin’ from political civilisation to neobarbarism.

See http://tinyurl.com/yh2bfj6 : “Simon experienced a political transformation in which he felt alienated from what he saw as the excesses of the Left after the realities of the September 11, 2001 attacks affected him.”

(( Rather a nifty tale, innit? A pity we learn no more! Do you suppose the future Herr Freiherr was walkin’ around the Pentagon for some obscure Leftist reason when the faith-crazies struck and got knocked into a gutter by the blast, resulting in some most unfortunate drain bamage?

(( If we accept that hypothesis, Dr. Bones, we at least won’t have to blame this renegade on Y*L*, which has more than enough to answer for even without Their Lordship. ))