Paris Hilton can’t play Hilliary, she’s going to be a technical advisor.

Brooke Shields is a natural for playing Janet Reno. We’ll have Ben Affleck play Dan Rather, because you always want Susan Saradon in an ‘on her knees’ situation…just on principle, if nothing else.

McEnroe-

Yes.

Patrick-

I’m afraid I missed JFK. Stone films are not really something I ordinarily seek out. Was there Maypole Gayness that escaped The Warren Commission?

The last Stone movie to make a lot of money was JFK. Any Given Sunday was probably profitable, but we’re talking motion pictures so it’s hard to tell.

Dennis—From your comments I get the impression that there is nothing in Alexander to compare to the Tommy Lee Jones—Joe Pesci—Kevin Bacon (in Marie Antoinette costume) debauchery of JFK. How un-Stone-like.

According to Will Durant (my favorite source at a moment’s notice,) Alexander had a lot of auburn hair and “helped introduce into Europe the custom of shaving the beard, on the ground that whiskers offered too ready a handle for an enemy to grasp.”

As to his moral character:

Sexually he was almost virtuous, not so much on principle as by preoccupation. His incessant activity, his long marches and frequent battles, his complex plans and administrative burdens, used up his resources, and left him little appetite for love. He took many wives, but as a sacrifice to statesmenship; he was gallant to ladies, but preferred the company of his generals…. He had many of the qualities of a homosexual, and loved Hephaestion to madness; but when Theodorus of Taras offered to sell him two boys of great beauty he sent the Tartine packing, and begged his friends to tell him what baseness of soul he had shown that anyone should make such a proposal to him.

But then this is a movie. After all, Gladiator has in common with history the names of consecutive Roman Emperors and the fact that Gibbon dates the beginning of the decline and fall from the succession of a natural son at the death of Marcus Aurelius. Had events unfolded as they unfold in Gladiator there might never have been a decline and fall. What Gladiator had is actors who look the part, a strong narrative structure and a director who has, on occaision, managed to control himself. Not having seen Alexander, I’ll reserve judgement.

“Gay as a Maypole” works on every level.

Huh. Let’s put on our Ollie Stone tinking caps (tinfoil beanie with battery powered propellor)…

Maybe Bill’s gay and Monica was his beard. Hey, that sounds like a great idea for a movie…

We can get Colin Farrell to play Bill Clinton, Val Kilmer to play Al Gore, Angelina Jolie to play Hilliary Clinton and Alec Baldwin to play Ken Starr, Danny DeVito as Peter Jennings, Susan Saradon as Monica Lewinsky, Vin Diesel as Linda Tripp…Britney Spears as Chelsea Clinton…$150 million and a year and a half.

…it…could…work!…

Pink snakes and lime jello … somewhere Bill Clinton’s ears just perked up.

One I got, and the other, alas, I ain’t.

Here’s hoping Dennis will not have any snake stories in his obviously sizable collection.

Does this mean I can’t share my pink snake story?