I propose that the EU ban all traditional sugars (white and brown cane sugars, corn syrup, etc.) and demand that all sweetened products use sugar alcohols (xylotol, sorbitol, erythritol, etc.) because they have half the number of carbohydrates than traditional sugars which will help Europeans keep their weight down. It’s like banning transfat in that it will help people stay thin and healthy(wink, wink).

I’m sure our muslim friends and neighbors will appreciate our concern for their health. Oh, it’s against their religion? That’s ok, we can stock our stores with molasses. That’s not against anyone’s religion is it?