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Roger’s Rules

The DMV as an Allegory of American Decadence

June 22nd, 2013 - 7:03 am

It’s often been noted that petty bureaucrats, than whom none is more petty than the bureaucrats at government agencies like the DMV, delight in adding some little quota to the woe and inconvenience of their victims, er, their clients. This is true, as yesterday’s experience reminded me. I cannot express the subtle gleam that came into the eye of the female who got me for a plaything when she learned that I wanted a verified license but lacked the requisite paraphernalia. Mostly, it is true, I was mesmerized by her fingernails — I say “her” fingernails, but these inch-and-a-half talons cannot really have been hers. No human being could have generated such claw-like extrusions on her own. Each boasted an elaborate, colorful paint job of unspeakable hideousness, and no one was quite like another.  I wondered if she moonlighted as a hypnotist, for I noted that she keep those glittering prostheses in constant, attention-grabbing motion.

Still, captivated though I was, I also noted the glint in her eye, the thin smile of satisfaction that suddenly registered like a sine-wave across her countenance when she discovered she was going to be able to disappoint me.

This was my choice: 1. go home, scrounge up the rest of the required certification, come back for another 2 or 3 (or 4 or 5) hour stint at the DMV or 2.  be content with a “regular” license, i.e., one that entitled you to turn the key in your car but was otherise worthless.

I played the theme from Jeopardy in my head for a moment. I’d just spent two hours in two separate holding areas on a glorious summer morning.

I took the “regular” license.

OK.  “Go over where it says ‘CAMERA.’”

A short wait. Another female calls out “Roger” (what ever happened to “Mr. Kimball”?) I trudge up to the window. “Receipt!” snapped the preoccupied functionary, otherwise ignoring me. I handed it over. She gave it a suspicious look and then barked that I should stand by the curtain. “Chin DOWN.” she said, snapping my picture. “Wait over there.”

A few minutes later I was called over and handed my new license, a snazzy-looking piece of plastic emblazoned with the legend NOT FOR FEDERAL IDENTIFICATION. Thanks for that.

A couple of points. I can think of plenty of people who are going to have trouble coming up with the requisite slate of verification when it comes time to review their driver’s license. Do you know anyone over the age of about 20 who still has his Social Security card?   So how about the housewife who doesn’t have her Social Security card and also doesn’t have a W2 or 1009 form? What then?

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Top Rated Comments   
My experiences with government functionaries have been consistently positive and, at 46, I know where my social security card is.

But to your real point, these things are inevitable when the people making the laws don't have to follow the law, when the people who write the regulations have never had to comply with the regulations. What we've lost, to our detriment, is the concept of the citizen legslator, of equality before the law.

And why do we have to show an ID to fly domestically? Travel is a right and my use of a plane is the business of me and the airline and nobody else.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (45)
All Comments   (45)
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Bravo Roger. No need to theorize about it - a bureaucracy in which the means are the end and the process the punishment, is invariably one from a failed or failing state, or at least a state where the executive is in a condition of permanent disarray - think India or Italy. How ineffably sad that this can happen in the US.
That said, I guess the idea is a response to the deadly threats the country faces.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I have needed to produce my social security card everytime I got a job. While the passport is SUPPOSED to be good, tiny little offices don't know what to do with it. BTW, you shouldn't keep your social security card in your wallet, in case it gets stolen. Keep it in a safe place, with other important papers, and only get it out when it is needed.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
My thought is that this definitely makes getting a ‘federally acceptable’ ID a challenge for MANY people, and just feeds into the progressive trope about how DIFFICULT it is for the poor and barely franchised to get ID’s to use to vote!” How clever! Make it harder and harder to get ID’s so it supports your claim about why people shouldn’t have to need ID’s to vote.

It reminds me of the trick of shooting the arrow, and then painting the bullseye around it.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Tell my why the state needs to license drivers? Test drivers as a safety initiation at the first application to drive; yes. Thereafter whenever some safety criteria are breached. But lice sure and regular renewal? A license is a permit to do what otherwise would be illegal. How is driving and traveling in and of itself illegal?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Since the DL is the universal identification in this country then I want to make sure that everyone who has one is entitled to all it implies. I have lived in the SW most of my life, and I YEARN for the day that illegals can't take a simple test and have the DMV take them for their word that they are who they say they are.

And my state has come up with a solution for the multi-hour wait: private competition. We have the old fashioned DMVs, but we also have full service private companies that can do anything on behalf of the DMV and then they charge a fee (typically ~$10). Most of them guarantee 15 minutes or less and their people are friendly and helpful.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I went thru the same thing last Friday but with regard to getting my concealed carry license. It seems the only people who suffer and get abused by the system are the law-abiding taxpayers.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Roger, dont mean to rub it in, or be a lacky for the state, but in Texas, I actually renewed my license BY MAIL.....
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
In Alaska you have to personally appear to renew a license and take the eye test at every renewal once you're over 60 or 65, but you can do pretty much everything else online except get the initial registration or title. I've renewed registrations, gotten new tags, ordered ego plates, etc. all online.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
It took me over two months to actually look at my driver's license closely and see that my full middle name was spelled wrong. By the DMV as it turns out, not by myself. I brought this up the next renewal period and was told that a full sheath of forms, thirty-five U.S. dollars and 90 days would be needed to sort that out. So I left it at that to look like a bint on my official identification to this day.....'>.......
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
It's Colonel Olds, not Odds.

I am aware that the Civil War ended in 1865.

"For what it's worth, I don't recall the eventual outcome of this situation; any number of things could have happened. But having to acquire sufficient storage for two new copies of each existing record and the existing records themselves is obviously massively counterproductive to the needs of the requesting organization."

How do you know what was sufficient?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I just renewed my license last week. Surprisingly, I actually had all the requisite documents. I still have the original, stamped with a seal birth certificate my parents obtained when I was born (those people never threw anything away.) I got married about 5 years ago, so I had my marriage license and social security card. If you were MRS. Kimball you would have been required to bring your marriage license as well to show your name change! I was actually surprised that I was in and out in about an hour on a Saturday morning. That's about as efficient as my county government ever gets.

I do have one sincere question: other states are busy passing laws to allow illegal aliens to obtain driver's licenses. What's going to happen to them when all the states are required to adhere to these regulations?

I know this procedure is a hassle. I'm uneasy about the government obtaining all of this information (my husband is kicking himself for using his Visa bill when he renewed his license as it is now scanned into "the system.") But a driver's license is our de facto government ID card. Most of us do not have passports. With terrorism, illegal immigration and identity theft all being serious problems in our country, this new requirement is an attempt to curtail all 3.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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