“captives were permanently chained to the wall, kept in constant darkness, and constantly bombarded with “The Real Slim Shady ” by Eminem for 20 days.”

Had to smile! Torture in the 21st Century. No rack. No Iron Maiden. No finger nails pulled out. No electric shocks to the genitals. No bastinado. Not even some mild waterboarding, just for old time’s sake.

Hey, at least our guys used Eminem. If they had been real sadists, it would have been Babs Streisand, her early years. And if that didn’t break the bastard, the next step up would have been non-stop BBC World Service. Oh wait! That’s a Premium Channel.