Evidently the great thing is to lie to them right in their faces.

So sure, we want to partner with you; just ignore all these LCACs and their 70 ton payloads;

that isn’t an Apache, it just looks like one;

Georgian spies must have stolen our blueprints for bunker-busters, which is too bad because we keep the plans for a devilish tac nuke in the same drawer;

how silly of you, having all your soldiers lie down and spread themselves with strawberry jam!;

the Iranians say we bombed the crap out of them? You know you can’t believe those matyeryebyets, they don’t even speak Russian;

No, no, it’s raining, we’re not pissing on you, don’t be silly, partner. Here, look into my eyes and see my soul, then you’ll feel better.

Partners? Is there a Russian contingent in Iraq I forgot about? Sookin sin.

No, srsly, the future does kinda require us to deal with Russia one way or the other. But after the first croc-feeding, who else do we not partner with? Ukraine? France? Britain?

The question is back, who do you want to partner with: the US or South Ossetia? Or the US, China, or Islam?

Extra credit question: which of these doesn’t really really want to kill you and drink your blood?

Final question: How will your foreign ministry people eat after you fire all their asses?

You know, Russia, you have virtues, I’d like to be pals, but somebody’s got to slap some sense into you!