Delia (#127):

“I stay fit and take care of myself so that I don’t *need* a doctor”

Wise choice. On the other hand, if you actually need a doctor, it would be foolish to avoid seeing one. The only reason I allowed myself to offer the counseling advice was that, based on my necessarily limited understanding of what you wrote here, it seemed to me as if you need some qualified outside help.

I grant that anyone can call themselves a “marriage counselor” (and licensing requirements don’t help much). Anyone who uses Freudian psychoanalysis in their counseling or who makes you feel as if you’re in metaphorical stirrups is obviously to be avoided. How to find a counselor that’s right for you (whether they call themselves counselor, coach, priest, … (preferably not therapist, but that’s my bias))? We’ve now reached the limits of my wisdom.

(And in response to the obvious comment some may make, about how our ancestors somehow muddled through without “professional” counseling: 1. they muddled through without indoor plumbing either 2. they generally lived within a framework that included the older and wiser family members, the village elder, the religious leader, etc. If you have access to these, then by all means, turn to them.)