Because, let’s face it: the Democrats are right. After their shellacking by the Tea Party in 2010, they vowed — by any means necessary — never to let that happen again. So they cut the Tea Party down with their favorite weed-whacker, government bureaucrats, exerted enough pressure on the weak-willed chief justice to make him switch his vote on Obamacare, and got Obama re-elected in 2012 despite a horrid economy and high unemployment. They sensed the paradigm shift — from the Orphanage to Big Brother — and are now trying to make it stick with a very effective pitchman.

On the other side… nothing. Even beginning screenwriters know you can’t have a commercial movie without a protagonist, lest your film become one of those adorable “character studies’ that nobody will pay to distribute or see.  The hero makes things happen; he does not react. The hero overcomes adversity; he does not quit. The hero affects all those around him, both good guys and bad guys; he is not a cipher. Even when he’s a simple idiot, like Chance the Gardener in Being There, it’s his story we follow, his choices that matter, his the triumph or the tragedy.

In other words, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are very much alive and in charge of the GOP right now, hapless straw men blown in the wind, unable to understand their destiny or grasp their fate. And we all know what happened to them.

“Am I dead?”

“Yes or no?”

“Is there a choice?”