Many things in Jewish culture impress me with their brilliance in understanding human nature. Jewish mourning practices, for example, accept the finality of death, don’t prettify or act like it didn’t happen, and allow the mourner to work through their grief.

Accepting a young adolescent male as the equal of adult men (in the synagogue at least) is one of those brilliant things. The thing that a young teen male wants most is to be considered grown up. Jewish law treats them as grown ups.

It should be noted that a bar or bat mitzvah “ceremony” doesn’t change the status of the young person – the ritual is an acknowledgment of that changed status, which takes place automatically at the age of 13 (or 12 in the case of females).

When a boy reaches bar mitzvah age, he is considered an adult in the eyes of Jewish law and can count towards a minyan, a prayer quorum of 10 adult Jewish males.

The week of my son’s bar mitzvah, I took time off of work to help with the preparations. His actual Hebrew birth day was that Friday and he accompanied me to morning services at the synagogue that day. One of the kindest things I’ve ever seen took place that morning. Mo and I were approaching the door to the sanctuary and a couple of friends of mine were about to enter. They noticed my son, realized that he was now old enough to count, and waited at the door, allowing him to enter first and be the 10th man.