Get PJ Media on your Apple

PJ Lifestyle

Sunny

Follow :

7 WRONG Ways to Decide Your Life’s Career

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012 - by Sunny

It’s that time of year again when a new crop of ambitious young folk will be graduating from high school and heading off into their glorious futures by selecting the exact wrong career for themselves.

We all want nothing more than to have that perfect career that makes us feel like life is the equivalent of skipping through a summer field, with flowers in bloom all around and the golden sunshine on your face (this is a fictional world where there are no bugs in that summer field). Most of us instead end up with a career like that miserable camping trip where it rained the whole time, you were freezing and tired and hungry non-stop, and, oh yes, there were lots and lots of nasty, crawling, dirty bugs.

Reportedly, over half of American workers hate their jobs. Only 45% of Americans report being “satisfied” with their jobs. (Frankly, if being “satisfied” means happy I’ll go shoot myself in the head right now.) Has this dearth of people in happy careers stopped succeeding generations from going through the same completely wrong process leading to the same terribly wrong decision? No. No, it hasn’t. I’m not breaking any sound barriers here – I’m not going to tell you how to pick the right career – but here are 7 common, and completely wrong, ways people make career decisions that may lead to the TWENTY YEAR camping trip from hell.

1. Based on Your High School Aptitude Test

We’ve all taken them. God help the children who actually take those test results seriously and make their career decision because of them. When I took the test I was told I should be a construction worker or a military general. At the time I was a 5 ft. 4, 120 pound, 17-year-old girl who loved reading classic literature and history. Yeah, that seems right.

But the test said I would love it!

Most school aptitude tests are a combination personality test and interests and hobbies survey. If you’re lucky they’ll throw in an IQ test so you can find out you are too dumb to follow your dreams or too smart to pick something you enjoy.

The problem with these tests is mankind hasn’t figured out how to crack the code of a human being’s unique complexity with a 50-point questionnaire. The information from these tests may not be a bad place to start, but there are many, many other factors to consider; for example, oh, I don’t know, would you actually enjoy being in the military?

Read bullet | Comments »

Who is Jon Lovitz?

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012 - by Sunny

Jon Lovitz, formerly of SNL, is getting a lot of press lately for calling Obama an a**hole because he is inciting class warfare against the hard working rich, or 1%; a class which Jon is a member of after working his way up from nothing. He called Obama a liar for saying the rich don’t pay their fair share. Whatever you think of his position, you have to admire that he is thinking for himself and speaking his mind.

Here is the now infamous moment:

Let’s take another look at this funny man. Lovitz, a Democrat, has a history of hating liars. He developed his character Tommy Flanagan, the pathological liar, in response to his hatred of liars.

This is a clip of Jon as Tommy when he meets his match — Pee Wee Herman.

As the cynical baseball scout in A League of the Their Own he stole every scene he was in (which wasn’t many.)

Here’s Jon just being funny on Comedy.tv, talking about how he’s Jew-ish and has a soft spot for Mel Gibson:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMy0A8t08x8

Read bullet | Comments »

Iran Halts Nuclear Program Because ‘Nice Diplomat’ Asked Them To

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012 - by Sunny

In a shocking turn of events, after years of resistance Iran has unilaterally halted its own nuclear program. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke to reporters late yesterday and announced the “total and complete” abandonment of “all efforts” toward creating a nuclear bomb. He cited “really nice U.S. diplomat” as the reason.

All I ever wanted was someone to be nice to me.

“We were wholeheartedly committed to developing a nuclear bomb so that we could basically win the Middle East in its entirety for Allah, by destroying all of our enemies, in particular those Satans in Israel, but probably Saudi Arabia too, and anyone else who looked at us crosswise,” said Ahmedinejad. “We also really enjoyed shaking our little stick at the US and watching them bend over. But then this really nice man from the U.S. asked us to stop, so we did! We also gave the drone back. What do we need it for?”

Gosh, all we had to do was ask!

Not many believed that a U.S. foreign policy of submissive, pandering wussiness could ever actually achieve anything. Critics of the policy of weakness came from both sides of the aisle and included current and former military generals. In spite of such rampant, intense opposition, Obama and the Clinton State Department have held firm to their policy of “making nice” with the Iranians, convinced of its efficacy as a universal foreign policy, but also because they simply like Islamic dictators. One of the most outspoken critics against the administration’s actions has been Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who responded to the news of the halted Iranian program by saying, “I’m happy to be wrong.”

Please like me!

Read bullet | Comments »

Retail Stores Staff Up On Soldiers In Hopes of Forcing ‘Best Christmas Ever’

Friday, December 16th, 2011 - by Sunny

The recession hit most American business hard, in particular the real estate industry, but perhaps the second hardest hit was Big Retail. Retail sales growth was achingly slow over the past few years and this year is expected to be no different, in spite of a not terrible Black Friday that showed the corpse is only MOSTLY dead. This holiday season, in a push to improve sales numbers retailers won’t be pointlessly staffing up on retail sales staff. Instead, they are buying extra soldiers and the latest in weapons technology to guarantee shoppers will buy more this year.

Buy this lego transformer kit or else!! Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Big Retail has always held a gun to our head to buy the latest Elmo doll, fluffy pink robe, or tool set every Christmas, but this year the stakes are higher as bankruptcies loom. Retailers aren’t willing to rely on the usual tactics of isolated violence and intimidation, emotional manipulation, and predatory pricing. They are bringing out the literal “big guns.” Several of the major national retail chains met at a Starbucks in Colorado over the summer to agree on and flesh out the details for the offensive. They passed a resolution to increase spending for “boots on the ground.” Recruitment offices were opened from coast to coast. One insider says Wal-Mart hired enough solders that every household in America could be paid one visit between now and December 25th. But no one thinks that will be necessary.

 

No! Not Elmo! Ahhhhhhhhh!

“It just simplifies things,” said James Bass, CEO of big box toy retailer Kids Korner. “It never made sense to make a product people wanted, or to lure them in with promotions or even with Santa Claus. All that was window dressing over the gun we held anyway. We tried giving people choices and look at the mess the economy is in!”

To pay for this mercenary buildup, stores have cut costs by dispensing with the usual glossy, Christmas catalogs replete with enticing goodies; Christmas decorations and extra customer service; and cinnamon-laced apple cider, gift wrapping, and other typical freebies. This year retailers acknowledge it was never about convincing people anyway since capitalism, i.e., free trade, is a vicious use of corporatist force inflicted on the poor and middle class. Instead, shoppers will receive simple invitations, randomly generated, telling each and every American what they must buy from the store by December 24th.

Read bullet | Comments »

The Top Five Reasons To Be a Commie Pinko

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011 - by Sunny

Editor’s Note: PJ Lifestyle has recently agreed to a content sharing agreement with the progressive blog Sunny Points Memo, the journalism wing of Sunny TV. Each week we will be featuring various hard-hitting journalistic reports from Sunny’s team of 21st century Woodward and Bernsteins.

*****************************

Communism gets a bad rap, what with the 80 million or so murders, give or take 10 million, perpetrated by Communists worldwide. But hey, it’s for the greater good, don’t-ya-know. In spite of its gruesome history, Communist ideology is still going strong in American culture. That’s because there are compelling reasons to be a Communist that overshadow most people’s fear of being dragged out of their home in the middle of the night for no reason, put in a work camp that will likely kill them, or having to boil their children in pots and eat them just to survive. Pshaw! That will never happen here!

Here are the top 5 reasons it’s good to be a Commie.

Reason #1: Free Stuff!

This is by far the best reason to be a Communist. You never, ever have to buy anything for yourself or your family ever again. Anything available to be given, you will get, especially if you have some political pull, but even if you don’t, your basic life needs will be taken care of by the state. Probably. Especially after they implement that next 5-year plan.

Need an apartment? It’s free! Never mind you have to share it with 20 smelly strangers — because … wow! You don’t have to pay for it! Need food? That’s free too! And all of it organically grown (because pesticides were thrown out with the first cost cuts). Need a new pair of shoes? As soon as the shoe factory produces some, you’ll get a pair! Who cares how long you have to wait. Medical care, education, even transportation — all free!!

Holy cow! That’s awesome! See what I’m talking about? How could you turn that down?

I’m sure it tastes fine. Besides, it’s free.

Click NEXT to see Reason #2 why it’s good to be a Commie…

Read bullet | Comments »

Being a Dictator: More Physically Destructive than a Crack Habit

Friday, November 4th, 2011 - by Sunny

Editor’s Note: PJ Lifestyle has recently agreed to a content sharing agreement with the progressive blog Sunny Points Memo, the journalism wing of Sunny TV. Each week we will be featuring various hard-hitting journalistic reports from Sunny’s team of 21st century Woodward and Bernsteins.

****************

The great Oscar Wilde play Dorian Gray depicts an evil man whose sweet, innocent countenance remains untouched throughout his life while a painting of him hidden in his attic takes on all the marks of evil in his face due to his lecherous, wicked character. It does seem that in real life you can’t escape your character; one’s outsides eventually do match one’s insides. Never is that more apparent than with evil dictators (and methamphetamine or crack users, but that’s another article).

Case in point is the world’s most recent example. See this handsome man? Isn’t he charming looking? Can’t you see how a man with this much charisma took over a nation? Who is that handsome devil?

Don Draper's got nothin' on me!

 

Handsome is as handsome does!

Read bullet | Comments »

Wrong Turn on the Way to Circus Spawned Wall Street Occupation

Saturday, October 29th, 2011 - by Sunny

Editor’s Note: PJLifestyle has recently agreed to a content sharing agreement with the blog Sunny Points Memo, the journalism wing of Sunny TV. Each week we will be featuring various hard-hitting journalistic reports from Sunny’s team of 21st century Woodward and Bernsteins.

********************

For a few weeks now, droves of people have camped out on Wall Street protesting, er, well, lots of stuff — some of it contradictory. Even though they have no clear message, the enigmatic Occupy Wall Street protest has from the beginning appeared like a well-orchestrated, well-funded endeavor, complete with paid organizers, lawyers, equipment and supplies, medical station, pretty maps, website, Twitter, lots of cardboard and Sharpie pens on hand, and a toll free information number.

But looks can be deceiving. In an effort to establish just who is behind the movement, how it began, and its actual goals, we caught up with one of the first on the scene and it turns out the protest was not planned. A group of young, unemployed college graduates were heading to the circus to look for work. They took a wrong turn, and ended up on Wall Street. Things have merely snowballed since then.

The circus takes all kinds.

Read bullet | Comments »

Somali Government Plans to Stimulate Economy by Burning Down Remaining Unburnt Villages

Thursday, October 20th, 2011 - by Sunny

Editor’s Note: PJLifestyle has recently agreed to a content sharing agreement with the progressive blog Sunny Points Memo, the journalism wing of Sunny TV. Each week we will be featuring various hard-hitting journalistic reports from Sunny’s team of 21st century Woodward and Bernsteins.

*****

It’s no secret that Somalia is one of the world’s most desperate economies. After years of tribal warfare, mass looting, and a lack of any rule of law, Somalia’s unemployment rate is no one has any f**king clue because it’s a mess over there, but it’s close to 100%. And the only reason it isn’t 100% is because piracy is a thriving industry employing thousands.

Sadly, the people in Somalia are once again starving on a mass scale. But the benevolent regime now in charge of the Southeast corner of the country, for the next week or so at least, plans to do something about it. “America is most successful country. We want life like America. So, we read in New York Times, destroy buildings and create gold, so, we do that.” Says self styled General Abe Bebe Koosh.

My mud hut was destroyed, and so I spent my gold to rebuild, helping to create 3 jobs!

There is optimism in the air for the first time in a decade in that part of the country. The new regime is the first in a long line to look without, to try to learn from other countries in the world, and apply what’s working. After reading the New York Times, the worlds most respectable and intelligent newspaper, they plan to cause a little destruction to stimulate the economy. The theory is, though many villages have been burned in the past those measures didn’t go far enough. If they burn down the remaining unburnt villages, they believe they will finally have the riches and prosperity they desire and no one will go hungry.

Read bullet | Comments »

National Taste Test Results: Rich People Most Delicious When Cooked in Texas Style BBQ

Thursday, October 13th, 2011 - by Sunny

Editor’s Note: PJLifestyle has recently agreed to a content sharing agreement with the progressive blog Sunny Points Memo, the journalism wing of Sunny TV. Each week we will be featuring various hard-hitting journalistic reports from Sunny’s team of 21st century Woodward and Bernsteins.

********

The results revealed today of a national taste test concluded last month come as no surprise to anyone — rich folks taste best cooked in Texas style barbeque because … doesn’t everything?

The taste test challenged top chefs around the country to submit their entry for eating the rich. How exactly should one eat the rich is the current debate, since it has already become an established truth that the rich should be eaten. A prominent, and rich, filmmaker warned prophetically earlier this year,

The smart rich know they can only build the gate so high. And, and, sooner or later history proves that people when they’ve had enough aren’t going to take it anymore.

Well, that time has finally come. That smart, rich filmmaker was the first to be eaten.

Fat, rich filmmakers are yummy!

Read bullet | Comments »

President Obama, After Reading AttackWatch.com Submissions, Realizes He Actually Does Suck

Sunday, September 25th, 2011 - by Sunny

This month, amid much controversy, Team Obama launched AttackWatch.com, a new website ostensibly designed to compile and refute all arguments against President Obama’s policies and actions in preparation for the 2012 campaign. Little did they know that instead of helping to launch campaigns against Obama’s critics, provide counter-arguments for statists, and generally support the president, the site would backfire, and Obama himself would realize he actually does suck.

 

AttackWatch, not really sinister, just designed to look that way.

 

“After reading all the complaints about me, compiled all together like that, I realized, I am a s**tty president after all,” said Obama. “The logic of the arguments, the reasoning, were just too plain-as-the-nose-on-my-face to ignore.” Obama went on to remark, “I had no idea I sucked so bad. That’s why I just kept doing the same stuff! I thought socialism was working. Everybody was saying it was working.”

"Oh s*it! I really do suck!"

AttackWatch.com submissions include criticisms of the president’s foreign policy of appeasement, the high unemployment rate, ObamaCare, inflation, the long, drawn-out recession, the anti-business nature of his administration, the nationalization of business, the crony capitalism, and much, much, much, much, much, much, much more.

Read bullet | Comments »