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5 Ways Public Schools Prepare Us For Prison Life

It didn’t occur to me that the six-foot fence around the perimeter was meant to keep me in. That is, until the day I decided to leave.

Fed up with being kicked around the schoolyard, I decided to do what any intelligent human being would do: go home. I soon learned this wasn’t a viable option for a sixth grader.

Looking back, it’s not real clear who was surprised the most by the situation — the school authorities at my assumption that I would actually leave, or me, at the revelation I had no choice in the matter. Apparently there were laws. Huh, who knew?

The view of the playground fence from the jungle gym was never quite the same.

****

Parents strive to prepare their children for school. We teach them to recite the alphabet, to count, and learn their colors. Is that preparation really enough to survive the next twelve years of compulsory education?

In spite of its intended purpose, after you boil away the Friday-night lights, dances, and hook-ups, all you have left is a state-run institution, excreting the same social sludge as its cousin the prison system.

When you stop and think about how similar they are, you have to wonder: is the system designed to ready children for society, or to provide the mental skills for prison life?

What did you learn in the locker room shower?

Mandatory gym showers usually begin around 7th grade. The time in human development when boys and girls have no self-awareness or inhibitions — no wait, that’s a toddler.

Can you think of a better way to teach herd behavior than to strip naked an entire class of adolescents and corral them into open shower stalls? Sweat is not the only thing washed down those drains.

However, it is a good way to prepare kids for the other lessons you’ll need for prison life.

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Posted at 12:02 pm on May 21st, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

10 Myths from the Mommy Wars

Just when you thought it was safe to search Pinterest for a sexy apron, a new skirmish in the Mommy Wars erupts in time for Mother’s Day and — purely by coincidence, I’m sure — a new election cycle.

When Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen accused Ann Romney (a mother of five) of having “never worked a day in her life,” both working moms and stay-at-home moms alike drew new battle lines. However, I can’t help but notice that the theater has changed.

The old feminist guard has grown as obsolete as their eight-tracks. A new generation of moms views power and choice in ways that surprise many feminists.

One such feminist, Wendy S. Goffe, wrote a guest post at Forbes.com (“A Working Mom Defends the Lululemon Stay at Home Mother“) and inadvertently stumbled across a tripwire, setting off a firestorm of criticism that pelted her with “emotional” comments. In response, Goffe wrote another post titled “Who Started the Mommy Wars?” where she writes,

In short, my effort to bridge what I saw as the mommy gap seemed to just accentuate what turned out to be the Mommy Wars.

[snip]

For Mother’s Day, let’s declare a truce on the Mommy Wars. Instead of bashing one another, let’s communicate amongst ourselves about what we need and what we can offer each other–a sort of free flowing Craigslist.

I understood what she tried to say. She sincerely tried to get women to see past a perceived social status and outward appearance so, as she put it, “We can lead happier, more fulfilling and less guilty lives as parents.”

Before there can be a ceasefire in the Mommy Wars, and the communication lines can freely flow, we need to stop believing the Mommy Myths. Here are 10 of the worst.

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Posted at 4:00 am on May 13th, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

5 Insane Fads New Parents Swallow

Sporting her usual bubbly demeanor, the midwife strolled into the kitchen and announced she had a special gift for the new mom. She held out a clear bag filled with hundreds of capsules. The emotion on my daughter-in-law’s face fell somewhere on the scale between utter disgust and sheer astonishment.

“It’s your placenta!” she explained.

“I dried and capsulated it. It works wonders for post partum depression. Take two everyday as a precaution, or just when you feel the need.”

As repulsive as it sounds, rumors of the benefits of eating one’s own placenta have floated around the natural mothering crowd since the days when we still called them hippies. Believe it or not, today many of these trends are making a comeback.

January Jones, who plays Betty on Mad Men, doesn’t have a problem eating her afterbirth, or apparently discussing it in public.

She told People.com:

Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins. It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.

Old hippies have spawned a new hybrid generation of parents that’s three parts high-tech and one part organic. The new “Crunchy” or “Natural Mamas” have inherited some ideals once considered “out there” for we Boomers, like nursing and laboring in water.

The next four extreme trends could become the new norm.

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Posted at 7:00 am on May 7th, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

The ‘Cult’ of Attachment Parenting?

From the discussion on Elisabeth Badinter’s controversial new book The Conflict at Slate:

Badinter places the guilt over breast-feeding into a larger cultural and historical context. Modern women have given themselves over to the cult of what she calls “ecological parenting.” It’s not just breast-feeding on demand, but the fad for doulas and natural childbirth and our horror of epidurals and formula. Many of us do not fall for all these trends, and we may even make fun of them, but they are in fact our current ideals—the markers of perfect motherhood. “Beware the woman who takes even a small glass of champagne at a birthday party,” Badinter writes, hinting at the sinister modern framing of motherhood as a constant trade-off between the needs of the child and the selfish desires of the mother.

Gearing up for a football game, my son Tom once wrote 33TOM across his cheek. When he turned from the bathroom mirror to show his sisters, their laughter confused him. In reality, he wrote MOTEE.

Badinter and her brand of feminists have tattooed their own MOTEE across the foreheads of women for generations. And their love affair with the mirror has permanently distorted their ability to seereality.

Many of the so-called “cultish” trends that the author claims modern women have given themselves over to have existed at least thirty plus years. No, wait – I believe natural childbirth and breast feeding existed a bit longer.

Trends, fads and cultish behavior are the byproducts of new ideas. Giving birth to your child without unnecessary intervention and bonding with her on an intimate level (such as co-sleeping or breastfeeding on demand) are only new ideas in the minds of women who have embraced feminism as a form of external power.

In reality, the “trends” bemoaned by the author are actually a slow recovery that started a couple of decades ago when many of us embraced our femininity. We discovered that our bodies are a spectacular design that didn’t end with sex. When given the chance we are capable of almost unimaginable strength, resilience and an inner power no movement can give.

Personally, I find it refreshing that there is a new generation that has rejected the decaying ideology that claims children undermine our “status.”

Natural childbirth, nursing, doula care, healthy eating habits — are all these just cultish trends? Or is it that this generation has refused to embrace the shallow values of the “me” generation?

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Posted at 7:10 am on April 27th, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

Cohabitation: How to Become a 21st Century Concubine

From “The Case for Cohabitation” at the Daily Beast:

Today, with the exception of pockets of religious communities and Rick Santorum, we’ve mostly gone sex-positive as a nation—there’s now “sex week” on a large smattering of college campuses, and condoms, while occasionally controversial, are not hard to find at the vast majority of health centers. In other words, we have more or less embraced the reality that young people have sex before they get married, so they might as well be doing it safely.

Yet cohabitation seems to have replaced premarital sex as the axe to grind among everyone from social conservatives to psychologists. Given that 70 to 90 percent of young people will live together before they get married, though, it’s a pretty shortsighted view to the issue.

Cohabitation by its very nature is a shortsighted view to a committed relationship between a man and a woman. The amount of young people doing it doesn’t make it socially acceptable or desirable. Despite the author’s veiled attempt to minimize their voices by politicizing it, there’s a lot of good reasons why everyone from social conservatives to psychologists aren’t embracing shacking up. Not the least of which is how women fall into a second-class slot that even an eventual marriage won’t always change.

According to research the article cited, couples often “slip” into cohabitation rather than making it a conscious decision– it just seems easier. On the surface, it makes sense if you are sleeping over at each other’s place regularly. It would feel like the next logical step. However, it bypasses some important steps that lay the foundation for a relationship equipped to last a lifetime.

When considering living together, men and women often have two different motives or agendas. Women are more apt to view this as the natural phase before marriage — a progression toward, not a test of. Meanwhile, men are more likely to see it, according to researchers, as a test of the relationship — or worse, a way to postpone a commitment.

Often without realizing it, women enter into this type of relationship with the same frame of mind she would have as a wife. Instead, she has all the responsibilities and none of the protection of a legal marriage. In a sense, she is demoted to little more than a modern-day concubine.

Wouldn’t your criteria for a roommate be different than that of lifetime partner?

See also Dr. Helen’s response: Why should it be the man who is relegated to second-class status?

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Posted at 3:00 pm on April 23rd, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

Do iPhone Apps Make Better Moms?

Baby Connect allows you to track daily information about your little one, such as feeding times, diaper changes, mood, activities, milestones, vaccines — and even more, if you can believe it. An especially unique and convenient feature of this app is that multiple users — your spouse, sitter, or other family members/caretakers — can access the same account for each baby. So whenever an update is made (say your baby’s diaper is changed), entries are immediately and securely synchronized across all users’ phones. You can even be notified via text or Twitter when an update has occurred!

Now we’re tweeting diaper changes and infant mood swings? Who wants status updates on a dirty diaper?

First-time moms usually feel overwhelmed and sleep deprived. I get it. But apps like “Baby Connect” and “Grow with me” over complicate things.

Full discloser: When I got my iPhone, I sent all my married children this text:

Do you have a mother that forgets her own grandchildren’s birthdays? Good news! There’s an app for that. Please send me your child’s birth date–and picture please–love mom.

I am a full-pledged tech junkie. I love any excuse to use my phone. If I were a new mother with a smart phone I would no doubt have a ton of baby apps. However, I’m not. I’m an old mom with a teenager and I see a problem.

We have our faces in our phones a lot. More than we realize. There have been countless times I’ve noticed young mothers out to eat with their children who spend the whole meal talking on the phone. You see them in grocery stores, and on park benches gazing into a screen — seemingly oblivious to the child at her feet.

It’s not what they are doing that’s the problem; it’s what they’re not doing. Infants need to see their mother’s face. They need to look deep into her eyes. Competition for her attention is steep already. How can a newborn compete with a screen, especially when it’s about him?

Remembering a birthday is one thing, but do we really need an app to record the frequency, consistency and color of baby poop? Is there really an app that can make us better moms? Or do they just make us feel like we are?

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Posted at 5:06 pm on April 11th, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

Will Hunger Games Violence Scar Your Child’s Psyche?

No, the new blockbuster film just might help you straighten them out. That is, if you’re willing to go see it with your teenager. While that statement does not come with a guarantee or qualify as psychiatric advice, for the discerning parent The Hunger Games can open the door to some deep conversations on tough topics.

Although you may not have paid any attention to its literary counterpart, it’s hard to ignore a film that’s kicked up so much controversy (and revenue) right out of the starting gate. The Hunger Games racked in $152.2 million in ten days– making it the third best opening of all time. Today the film passed $300 million.

The first installment of the trilogy begins with a fight for survival between 24 kids, aged 12 to 18. Set in a futuristic post-America, where the states have been divided into twelve districts, one boy and one girl are selected from each district to fight to the death on live television. When her timid little sister’s name is drawn, sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen volunteers to take her place.

If the very thought of a violent movie based on children fighting each other in gladiator fashion gives you pause — good. It should. However, if you’re a parent always on the prowl for teachable moments — I have four suggestions.

Let me first say that as a parent I was pleasantly surprised that The Hunger Games avoided foul language or sex scenes. However, the violence depicted in this film is the primary concern for most parents. Actual on-screen violence is minimal — even mild when compared to the recent Indiana Jones or Jurassic Park. Blood appears mostly on the weapons after the fact.

In fact, the producers deserve congratulations for fight scenes, both from a moral and artistic standpoint. Rather than taking the easy route of showing gruesome bloodshed for sheer audience gratification, The Hunger Games masterfully reveals the brutality of human nature as the real horror.

Keeping the lines of good and evil clearly drawn, we see vicious kids enjoying the game contrasted with the innocent Katniss, who only uses self-defense and makes friendships rather than self-serving alliances. The underlying message is clear: even in the most inhumane circumstances, we don’t have to lose our humanity.

Using Fantasy to Teach Reality — Parental Talking Point #1:

All killing is not inherently evil. This is a concept we have lost sight of. War can be fought in pursuit of peace, or for conquest and domination. Wisdom discerns between the two and understands both exist. Yet one is evil. Killing in self-defense is not murder. This concept is constantly distorted and blurred by the cultural Marxists in our society to the point that this generation must be taught to see the difference clearly.

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Posted at 11:59 am on April 9th, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

Why My Fellow Christians Need to Embrace Twilight

Nightmares plagued my childhood. The Wizard of Oz terrified me. I could fathom no creature nastier than the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys. And so I learned very early in life that what my mind consumed would ultimately embed itself deep within me.

All of which makes me one of Twilight’s most unlikely champions.

I usually don’t care for science fiction, romance, and certainly not horror novels. As a Christian, I don’t believe filling my mind and spirit with evil is ever a good idea.

So why do I consider Christian conservatives who berate the Twilight films as misinformed or hypocritical?

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Posted at 8:00 pm on January 5th, 2012 by Rhonda Robinson

Give the Gift of Poverty: A Parental Strategy for Teaching Life Lessons

I still remember how it felt being a little girl listening intently to my grandfather reminisce. It was like having Norman Rockwell paint his vision of America on the canvas of my mind.

I grew up hearing stories of cold winter nights when Jack Frost sketched his icy masterpieces on the inside of single-pane bedroom windows. Of children sleeping five to a bed, snuggling and giggling under the covers, keeping each other warm. Of thunder jugs and outhouses.

In the back of my grandfather’s childhood home stood that old wooden shack. Just how far back it stood was a matter of perspective. The length of the walk somehow magically lengthened in direct disproportion to how desperately one needed to get there.

It was commonly known as a “one-seater.” The 4X4 shanty was fully furnished with an old plank fashioned into a bench. The hole that was cut out of the middle had been worn smooth with use and time. At your feet sat two bushel-baskets. One filled with red corncobs, the other with white ones. First, you used the red corncob, then, a white one — to see if you needed to use another red one.

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Posted at 12:00 am on December 10th, 2011 by Rhonda Robinson

Maternal Instincts. Can You Trust Them?

I’ve spent my share of long nights balancing my head on the edge of a hard vinyl hospital “lounge.” Trying to sleep beside the bed of a sick child, with the constant interruption of obnoxious machines, the distant chatter of nurses echoing down the hall, and the incessant gaze of florescent lights is anything but restful.

I’ve seen needles probe for tiny veins, wide gashes sewn closed, and lethargic children attached to monitors, but never had I seen the look of sheer terror in the eyes of a newborn — until Zachary was handed to me by his weary, hospital-worn mother.

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Posted at 9:30 am on November 10th, 2011 by Rhonda Robinson

Four Small Things Good Parents Do That Hurt Their Kids in Big Ways

We may now have scores of sophisticated books written by highly esteemed PhDs and a well-tread, lollipops over Castor oil, time-outs over spankings parenting path, but our progressive march through human history has ultimately produced adults that are… well, still childish.

Worse, we’ve managed to add an extra decade to adolescence.

How could this happen? It’s one of the most confounding aspects of raising children: the sheer unpredictability of the endeavor. Success is far from guaranteed. After all, everyone can name someone that was raised by “bad” parents and turned into “good” adults and vice versa.

Nonetheless, with parenting (as in all of life) it’s the seemingly insignificant that makes the biggest impact on a child’s life. You don’t have to be a “bad,” unloving parent to really mess up your kids — just clueless will deliver sufficient damage.

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Posted at 3:00 pm on October 14th, 2011 by Rhonda Robinson

Overindulgent Parenting: How We Raise an Entitlement Generation

Have you ever noticed that children born to parents without spines often suffer needlessly from overindulgence? It’s a startling epidemic. Overindulgence can come in many forms, from lax bedtimes to finicky eating habits, too much video gaming to an obscene amount of toys — but the outcome is always the same. It creates an entitlement mentality that can last a lifetime.

You can take a tour of this mindset in action anytime after midnight at your local 24-hour grocery store. My first peek at this particular parenting underbelly was after a late night movie. My husband and I stopped to pick up some milk for the next morning. I expected to find the typical sub-culture of teenagers that only come out late at night to roam the store aisles. What I didn’t expect to see were the families.

Moms and Dads with young children were actually out shopping after midnight. I first noticed that there seemed to be a different sound in the air. Rather than the usual chorus of beeps emanating from multiple checkout lanes, the few that were open were drowned out by a symphony of cries mingled with spurts of sugar-induced, high-pitched squeals.

I couldn’t help but notice that the little girl behind me was in the middle of a complete meltdown. In an attempt to calm her down, her mother was promising her the moon with ice cream. On the next register over, a five-year-old little boy with a sheepish grin had succeeded in pushing every button within reach. I couldn’t tell who his parents were; no one else seemed to notice him but me.

When did bedtimes go out of style? Conquering bedtime is one of the first achievement badges young parents earn.

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Posted at 3:46 pm on September 16th, 2011 by Rhonda Robinson

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