PJ Lifestyle

Megan Fox

Megan Fox is a homeschooling mom to her two girls ages 5 and 2 and happy wife to her husband of eleven years. She writes, gardens, composes conservative folk music and occasionally hosts a BlogTalkRadio talk show when she finds time.

7 Laws for Public Decency When I Rule the World

Last week John Hawkins wrote about 5 Behaviors That Make You Trash. Right on! I’d like to go a few steps further and expand on the subject of public decency. There was a time in this country where public decency laws were actually enforced. It’s time to bring that back. The consequences for committing any of the following crimes in my world would result in hard labor in Sheriff Arpaio’s tent city.

7. Bike shorts are not interchangeable with actual shorts.

As if it’s not bad enough to wear bike shorts to the grocery store, this guy’s spandex had a hole the size of a CD on his left inner thigh. He didn’t notice that there was a breeze around the man-meat? Or notice the chaffing when he pedaled his bike around town? Really? I assure you that hole in the thigh area was at least 4 inches in diameter. I tried multiple times to get a better shot but was a little afraid I’d get caught. If you look closely, you’ll see skin on the left upper thigh peeking out. We all hope it’s just leg skin.

Bike shorts are the equivalent of a Speedo at the beach. Most people don’t want to see the contours of the male form hugged tightly by spandex while they’re buying eggs (or at any other time).

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Posted at 9:00 am on May 25th, 2012 by Megan Fox

Movie Theatre Desperation: Will the Tweens Show Up if We Allow Texting?

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Poll: Should theater owners allow texting in movies? – latimes.com.

According to a report from the CinemaCon convention in Las Vegas by Deadline New York, Regal Entertainment Chief Executive Amy Miles said at a panel discussion that her theater chain had considered allowing some cellphone use during showings of “21 Jump Street.” At the same panel, Deadline reported, Greg Foster, chairman and president of filmed entertainment for IMAX, endorsed the idea at the same panel, saying teens may “feel a little handcuffed” by the ban on phone use.

This is a tough one for me. On one hand, I don’t like rude people in theaters (so much so that I once was the catalyst for a fist fight at the midnight showing of Star Wars Clone Wars where someone was nearly stabbed in the jugular with a broken beer bottle. Sweet home, Chicago!) On the other hand, I hardly ever go to theaters anymore so rude people frequenting the movies have no effect on me. I stopped going shortly after the melee at Star Wars but it wasn’t the fat lip.

It irks me that I have to miss part of the movie if I have to go to the bathroom after a giant Big Gulp. Whatever happened to intermission? The sticky floors aren’t my favorite experience either. I much prefer the comfort of my own couch, the warmth of my dog Moose snuggled at my feet, the pause button, and the ability to text whoever I want without getting yelled at.

There may be something to the distraction angle. Most of us are so used to doing so many things at once it almost feels strange to sit and stare at one screen for two hours. A few months ago Mr. Fox and I tried out one of those theaters that serve dinner and drinks. I loved that. Yes, there is some chatting with waiters but the sound is so loud it’s not that bad and there’s beer, so…duh. If I have to sit in a room with a bunch of strangers, wings and beer makes it a heck of a lot more pleasant.

Perhaps we should encourage the young people to keep that texting addiction going simply for the weight loss benefits. Michelle Obama could add it to her list of demands on children. As reported by CBS News,

And with excessive texting come a number of problems, including lack of eating, isolation and sleep deprivation, experts say.

If that’s true, childhood obesity may become a thing of the past, although carpal tunnel could take over the planet.

Is movie-going declining for reasons of technology or just personal preference and convenience or is it something else?

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Posted at 3:30 pm on April 26th, 2012 by Megan Fox

5 Myths That Will Destroy Your Marriage

Last August my parents gifted Mr. Fox and me with A Weekend To Remember for our eleventh anniversary. You can imagine our reactions were very different.

Me: “Cool! Two days with no kids!”

Him: “Crap. If this is one of those things where I have to hold hands with strangers and share my feelings I’ll hurt someone.”

A quick Google search assured him there would be no group sharing. It was a simple seminar with no small groups or embarrassing confessions. Instead we would listen to experts talk about topics we should be interested in like getting along, loving more, and parenting better; and then we could go out on the town in lovely Schaumburg, Illinois, and enjoy all the fabulous restaurants, of which there are many. None of this made Mr. Fox any more at ease. His jaw clenched so tight for the car ride out there I could see a vein throbbing in his cheek which, after eleven years, I have identified as a neon sign that says: “Don’t speak.” He was probably plotting his exit strategy.

Happily, it was nothing like he expected and we found ourselves laughing from the first minute it started. The entertaining speakers overflowed with advice we’d never heard before. Not only that, but it had been about five years since we had looked each other in the eyeballs without interruption. Was he always this funny? Have his eyes always been that blue? It was almost as if we had a chance to remember each other. Daily life with little kids is so fast and hectic that it is very easy to lose each other in referee mode. It’s pure survival.

What we learned, besides the fact that getting away is good medicine, was that most of our ideas of what marriage is supposed to be are cultural myths that are dangerous to a healthy relationship.

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Posted at 12:00 pm on April 6th, 2012 by Megan Fox

Five Problems with Gen-X Attachment Parenting

The topic of mothering is fraught with danger.

I do not claim to know anything other than what I’ve experienced. Each child is different from the next and requires a unique approach. This makes a mother’s job much like guessing how many jellybeans sit in a jar.

There’s no guarantee of reward for your efforts. Further, any criticism stings like a knife in the heart — one of the most difficult parts of motherhood. Anyone with a disapproving mother-in-law or even a stranger on a mommy chat board can relate. It is not the intention, therefore, of this article to pick on mothers and their choices (especially methods that work for them) but to ask the beleaguered and exhausted, much like Dr. Phil would, “how’s it workin’ out for ya?”

Like shoes, methods for raising kids come in and out of fashion and each generation adopts its own style. Mine, Generation X, has embraced Attachment Parenting with engaged mothers (a record number stay at home) hyper-focused on positive discipline, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, nursing, and many other child-centered theories. I’ve practiced many of the Attachment Parenting principles and find most of them wonderful. However, certain aspects of this child-rearing philosophy are not always good for families and can result in unhappy moms, too much mommy-guilt and stress, not enough sleep, and husband-neglect. (All of which I am guilty.) The following are some of the roadblocks that keep me from completely embracing my generation’s idea of good parenting.

First, did you grow another appendage or is that a baby under your shirt?

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Posted at 11:59 pm on March 7th, 2012 by Megan Fox

10 Guaranteed Methods To Lose a Man, as Seen on The Bachelor

It seems that almost everything on television these days is reality entertainment. While most of it is completely unwatchable (Jersey Shore and Housewives from Anywhere), there are a few that some of us can’t stop watching (even though we wish we could.) For me, it’s The Bachelor. I’ve been watching this insipid show from the very first season and the inevitable spin-offs like The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad. I can’t help myself and the only explanation that seems to make sense is the escapism of watching 25 women and one jackass make fools of themselves every Monday night.

Maybe it makes me feel better about me or perhaps it’s the only way I stay connected to pop culture considering the rest of my life is filled with homeschooling, gardening, moon-shining, writing, and other 18th century pastimes. Mostly though, I have a desire to reach through the screen and grab these women by the forearms and shake them. It’s no wonder they’re all single. Almost every one of them make the most common and most avoidable mistakes while trying to land a man. Yes, I’ve made them, you’ve made them…who hasn’t? But the question is, why do women continue to make the same blunders that only provoke men to run away screaming? Sisters, learn from others’ experience! The following are 10 solid ways to lose a man.

10. Drink too much

Alcohol is not your friend in a first-impression situation. On The Bachelor, the production staff liquors up a room full of women to see the fun that will ensue. Alcohol is the most important set requirement on The Bachelor. Many contestants have reported that the first cocktail party is longer than 5 hours with no food and nothing to drink but booze. This combination leads to the explosive moments we love to hate including the over-emotional break-downs and cat fights. Without the influence of the demon rum, it would be a much more boring affair. If at all avoidable, do not drink on a first date! First of all, you may not know enough about your date to know if you can trust him in a situation when you are intoxicated. Also, drunk girls are annoying. They do things like repeat themselves and tuck their dress into their underwear on a trip to the bathroom. While memorable, this is not the impression you want to leave with your date (or on YouTube).

More important than impressing your date, however, is staying alive and unmolested. Know your limits with alcohol, don’t go out on an empty stomach, and drink plenty of water. Not only will you be more fun to be around sober, you’ll also be at less risk of getting into a dangerous situation that could have been avoided. That last sentence is going to get me into trouble with faux feminists who believe even drunk girls should be safe from rape. If only we lived in such a world — but we don’t and your chances of getting home safely decrease with each drink you take. Predators target drunk girls. Period. Don’t be a victim. (See the unfortunate fate of Natalee Holloway.)

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Posted at 2:00 pm on February 8th, 2012 by Megan Fox

In Defense of Starting an Argument in Public for Humanity’s Greater Good

A few days ago, I took my kids to one of those places with giant inflatable slides that sane people avoid. My best friend was in town for her once-a-year visit home and in order to show the kids a “good time” took them to inflatable kid heaven, otherwise known as the Jump Zone.

It’s always a mistake, with the noise level and the creeping panic attacks (“Is my kid ever going to come out of there and if not, will I fit because I didn’t squeeze into my Spanx today?”)  This time was no exception. I had a truth-moment that will be forever etched on my soul that announced over the loudspeaker in my brain, “Society is doomed. Most people are idiots.” My father says he came to this conclusion many years ago and there’s no big news in it.  I always held out hope that the majority of the idiots were the ones who landed on the news for tattooing their ex with depictions of excrement or on the Maury Povich show with a 200 pound eight-year-old. Most people, I thought, are your neighbors who are sane, decent folks. Not so! It turns out the world is littered with mopes and I have proof.

The Jump Zone is a terrible place to go if you want to catch up with a girlfriend. First of all, the noise level is deafening, but more importantly, the children roam free to create destruction like crazed Cornish Pixies and if you don’t keep up with them they could bloody a nose or worse, walk out the door never to be seen again. (Don’t get me started on the lack of proper caging structures.) Because of these dangers, my girlfriend and I exchanged about twenty words in an hour which all started with, “Did you see…?” or “Where is…?” And so we followed and searched and scolded and directed and assisted the way one must as a mother. Or I should say, should.

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Posted at 3:11 pm on January 17th, 2012 by Megan Fox

Seven Last-Minute, Do-It-Yourself Gifts for Under $20

If the pepper-sprayed shoppers at Walmart on Black Friday are any indication, Americans are desperate for a good deal (and lacking in basic social skills). There are some good buys at the big box stores and I’m not against shopping at them, but this year even they are too pricey for our single-income household. Not only are times tough for my family, but for the country too. It is distressing to be unable to find items made here — or even Canada for that matter — or any other country that doesn’t hate us. Even toys that say “Made in America” turn out to be merely assembled here after the parts come from China. Retailers are catching onto the public disapproval and are changing the labels to use sneaky wording like “Made in PRC,” otherwise known as the People’s Republic of China, for the unsuspecting.

Inevitably, when you buy the plastic stuff made in “PRC” a few weeks later you’ll nearly disable your foot on a piece of it on the living room rug in the dead of night while trying to get to the bathroom. Or, even worse, that thing your precious cherub wanted so badly sits collecting dust and ends up in a give-a-way bag. Don’t pour money down the drain to China this year. Instead, support local businesses while working on your creative skills with these homemade gifts that your family will cherish. If you have any cooks in the family, this first gift is made just for them!

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Posted at 12:19 am on December 23rd, 2011 by Megan Fox

How to Make Beer: Our Family Discovers the Lost Art of Home-Brewing

The subject of home brewing keeps popping up everywhere I look. Maybe it’s because I’ve recently started making my own beer and so it’s in the front of my brain, or maybe it’s because tone-deaf bureaucrats keep hiking taxes on liquor. (Like the one that just passed in Illinois increasing the tax by 50% on all alcohol sales.) Either way, the art of home brewing is intriguing, easier than expected, and produces extremely satisfying results while saving hundreds of dollars on your liquor budget.

Mr. Fox and I are always on the lookout for activities we can enjoy together that also help us become more self-sufficient. Since we are opposites — like most happy couples — such good ideas can be few and far between. One we have in common is our admiration for beer, both for what it symbolizes (Friday night) and the good cheer it brings to our lives. We heartily believe, like Ben Franklin, that beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. As we’ve grown up together (from our early twenties) we’ve begun to also enjoy anything that is truly “counterculture.” Whenever The Man tells us to like something, we automatically resist. When the beer commercials with the sweaty co-eds hawk tasteless beer in gimmicky cans that change color according to temperature –really? you need a blue stripe to tell you if your beer is cold enough? — we know we’re being sold something that needs a whole lot of hoopla to move it off the grocery shelves.

But when we were younger and more affected by advertising we succumbed to the popular belief that the only beer to drink was highly-marketed, light-colored, pilsener-lager sold everywhere in easily recognizable, brightly colored packaging. (Not that there’s anything wrong with a light pilsener which can be highly refreshing on a hot summer’s day!) The point is, there’s a big beer world out there that popular American culture knows nothing about.

Appreciating the many types of beer comes much the same way as appreciating wine. After graduating from the “sloe gin fizz with extra cherries” stage of drinking, I began to sample wines. I’ll never forget the evening I had an excellent Cabernet from Stags’ Leap Winery with fine French cuisine that forever changed my mind. From then on I understood the important difference between pink wine-in-a-box and complex, layered vino. The same happened when Mr. Fox and I started sampling home-brew made by friends. A whole new world of flavors and possibilities were revealed to us in unmarked, humble brown bottles.

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Posted at 1:20 am on December 4th, 2011 by Megan Fox

I Saved $230 A Month at the Grocery Store with Extreme Cooking

In case you haven’t noticed, grocery prices are climbing fast. Two weeks ago, I could buy a gallon of milk for under $3. Today it’s $3.48 at the cheapest store in town. Extreme times call for extreme measures and so, a few months ago when prices started to rise I tried my hand at couponing. Not the kind where crazy people buy 80 bottles of mustard for a dollar, but using coupons to purchase things I would normally buy and use. And while there were some good deals to be had (I once got 6 bottles of Spray’n Wash for $4), if you happen to live in a state without double-coupon deals, it’s a lot of work for a few dollars off. However, those dollars add up and there were times I saved close to 30% off my grocery bill. But I knew I could do better. I was still spending $400 or more a month to feed my family.

When I heard about Once-A-Month Cooking, I was attracted to the idea to save my time. I had no idea that it would cut my grocery bill in half. The book itself merely sparked an idea. I’m sure it has wonderful recipes but I didn’t try any of them (except a fall pork roast that was very good). My kids are picky so I knew if I tried this I would have to use tried recipes they’ll eat. Once-A-Month Cooking suggests you shop on one day and then rest. Then the next day cook for 8 hours and fill your freezer with food for the whole month. I’m a homeschooling mom of two very needy little girls. The idea of trying to cook for 8 hours gave me an instant migraine. To spare me a possible nervous breakdown, I decided to try cooking for just two weeks first.

My Autumn Pork Roast in the crockpot with dried cranberries, fresh apple preserves and apple juice

I shopped for 10 days’ worth of dinners and spent $170. I went home, put the baby to bed and set the older one up with a craft and poured myself a big glass of red wine. The iPod was set on shuffle and I started cooking. I chopped up chicken into bite sized pieces and put them in freezer bags, I started spaghetti sauce, browned 6 pork chops, sauteed vegetables for lasagna and chopped up 6 sets of veggies to make stir-fries. Three hours went by and I was done! There was a lot of clean-up to do, but the food was all prepared or semi-prepared and ready for freezing for later use. I had two lasagnas, six stir-fries, a pork roast, six pork chops, three bags of spaghetti, two chicken potpies, and more. What I thought would last 10 days lasted 22. I got through almost an entire month on $170. The only trips to the grocery store I made over the next few weeks were for butter, milk and eggs.

Next: The other benefits of cooking ahead…

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Posted at 12:00 am on November 13th, 2011 by Megan Fox

Nine Ways To Screw Up Your First Home Garden


My garden, also dubbed "Fox Farm."

With the current skyrocketing grocery prices and uncertain economy, more and more people are looking for ways to save money and become self-sustaining. At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, doomsday scenarios don’t seem so farfetched anymore. I’m kept up at night worried about some disaster striking and me unprepared with two little ones.

One of the steps my family has taken to become more independent is to grow a mini-farm in our backyard. (I would have chickens right now except a city ordinance forbids free people from having fresh eggs.) When we started this project it was just a few garden beds, but it has now grown to a much grander scale with a full-on harvest in August that takes many weeks to properly can and store. As a result, our grocery bills have gone down, our fresh produce intake has gone up, and our stockpile of delicious homegrown goodies is growing.

But before you jump into the home-growing scene, take some time to learn from my mistakes. The following are nine ways to ruin your garden.

9. Soak your plants in pesticides

One of the advantages to having your own garden is feeding your family chemical-free, organic produce that is actually cheaper than non-organic produce. Bugs are not that big of a deal. I’ve had more problems with varmints than bugs. If you see some bug activity on the leaves of fruit-bearing plants, fear not. Most of them are harmless and if they aren’t eating your fruit then leave them alone. If you do find that bugs are attacking your vegetables or fruit there are several natural remedies that will work just as well as poison. Mr. Fox discovered a rosemary oil blend that when atomized over our plants not only kept the bugs away but made our whole yard smell wonderful. Having used poison in the past, there is simply no comparison to the peace of mind that comes when you know what you’re breathing in or eating isn’t going to give you a third eye. If you have a particularly difficult bug, simply use Google to find the appropriate natural defense. (How did we survive all these millennia without Google?)

While I’m not one of those people who gets overly worked up over the use of pesticides –I still use fertilizer — it’s common sense to try to limit the chemicals we ingest. Growing your own pesticide-free veggies and fruit is a great way to start.

Mr. Fox and 2-year-old Violet hauling cornstalks to decorate the front porch.

8. Plant corn

Unless you just want the stalks for decoration in the fall, forget corn. I’ve tried and failed so many times. It’s never edible. Corn is not for the beginner gardener, or even the intermediate gardener. I followed all the directions, spaced it correctly, arranged it for pollination, watered, coaxed… and all I got was inedible, deformed mush. However, the stalks are going to look lovely on my front porch and I’ll probably plant again next year just for the fall decor. And if anyone figures it out, let me know!

It seems as if every gardener has their “Moby Dick.” For me, it’s corn. However, there is a certain excitement to the possibility of getting it right this time, which is what drives me to continue trying. If you are going to try to plant something challenging, make sure you plant others that will reward you so you don’t end up feeling defeated.

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Posted at 12:00 am on October 16th, 2011 by Megan Fox
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