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‘You Hear Me, Barack?’

Check out Steve Grammatico's new book of Obama satire.

by
Michael Walsh

Bio

September 15, 2013 - 5:11 am
sit room

Bin Laden, Ben Ghazi, Whatever

One of Steve’s favorite devices is to go inside the corridors of power, transform himself into a fly on the wall and then report back. Here’s a splendid example:

BENGHAZI: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

 White House Situation Room

September 11, 2012
LEON PANETTA: [to aide] Call the Residence. On speaker.

[First Lady answers]

MICHELLE: What?

PANETTA: Leon Panetta, Ma’am. We need the president in the Situation Room ASAP.

MICHELLE: He’s busy playing Ragnarök II— the Awakening on his Xbox. His forces are in the middle of a decisive action. Can’t you handle the problem?

PANETTA: Uh, no Ma’am.

MICHELLE: Oh for God’s sake. [yells] Barack! Pick up! It’s Panetta!!

OBAMA: Jeez, Leon. What’s so important? I’ve just breached Rozamin’s redoubt; Castle Covenant’s ripe for the taking. It’ll set the Outliers back on their heels for months.

PANETTA: Trouble sir, Benghazi. I . . .

OBAMA: Ben Ghazi? The Israeli Defense Minister?

PANETTA: No, sir. Our consulate in Libya. Ambassador Stevens and his team are under attack. OBAMA: Leon, weeks went into planning this siege. You want me to suspend the operation and come down there to do what, exactly?

PANETTA: Sir, only you possess the authority to . . .

OBAMA: Leon, I authorize you to do whatever successfully resolves the situation and accrues to my benefit. Should things blow up in our faces, it’s on you. I was out of the loop. Clear?

PANETTA: Yes, sir.

MICHELLE: [in background] Barack! Zulu 4 is in. They want to know if they should proceed to the Chamber of the Gods.

OBAMA: Gotta go, Leon. My people need me. I want good news in the morning.
[next day]

OBAMA: I’ll make this quick, everyone. I can get nine holes in if I arrive a little early in Vegas for the fundraiser. The official story is, the FBI has launched a probe of last night’s events in Benghazi. Attorney General Holder promises a full accounting at some indeterminate point in the future, when the incident is forgotten or I’ve left office, whichever comes first.

DIANE SAWYER: Sir, why don’t we just ignore Benghazi the way we’ve done with “Fast and Furious,” Solyndra, the Black Panther whitewash, the . . .

OBAMA: I understand, Diane.

BRIAN WILLIAMS: I agree with her, sir.. The incident doesn’t impact the lives of ordinary Americans. Why even bring the matter up?

WOLF BLITZER: The story’s already broken out.

JAY CARNEY: Exactly. So, downplay it. With ten seconds left at the end of the broadcast after, for example, the plight of Yellowstone’s wild burros, refer to an incident in Libya that’s still being sorted out.

SCOTT PELLEY: What a coincidence! The wild burros story is our lead tonight.

Comments are closed.

All Comments   (7)
All Comments   (7)
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You will love this book, hard hitting, hilarious and not too disrespectful.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Haven't read the book but from these excerpts the author seems to be channeling a harder and more political Irma Bombeck. Do these accounts really need to be this "zany" to be satirical? What these fools actually say is probably more over the top than anything you can make up.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
The picture of Carville that accompanies this article.. Doesn't he look like a caricature of an invading alien or maybe a David Icke lizard person ?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
rrpjr: There is no doubt in my mind that many of these people are vicious. Bill Clinton called them “Chicago thugs” with good reason. Apparently Mr. Grammatico eschews “the deep visceral satisfaction of drawing blood.” That is obviously an author’s prerogative. If one is looking for “meaner,” he or she should look elsewhere or write their own political satire. As you say, this book is not for you, and that’s OK.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
A little too mild and on-the-nose for me. And I'm not sure he really captures the "voices" of these people. Satire needs to get at the internal gyro of the ideology not simply explode the conspicuous conventions into caricature. And I think it has to be meaner. These people are vicious. Maybe they're even beyond satire (I'm not sure). I don't want to laugh so much as feel the deep visceral satisfaction of drawing blood. I'm not getting it here. Feels too Mad Magazinish.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I've read it. Hysterical ! You'll laugh until you have tears in your eyes. You may also find that some of the tears are tears of sadness rather than tears of laughter because of what is happening to our "fundamentally transformed" America. I guess Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, and Madison got it all wrong. Why else would Michelle say "Barack is going to fundamentally transform our country?"
1 minute ago
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I've read it. Hysterical ! You'll laugh until you have tears in your eyes. You may also find that some of the tears are tears of sadness rather than tears of laughter because of what is happening to our "fundamentally transformed" America. I guess Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, and Madison got it all wrong. Why else would Michelle say "Barack is going to fundamentally transform our country?"
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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