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What We Taught Our Boys About Girls Like Miley Cyrus

Girls who provocatively showcase their wares on TV are not respecting themselves and it is not respectful to gawk at them.

by
Paula Bolyard

Bio

August 28, 2013 - 9:00 am
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Kasey and Ryan

Kasey and Ryan

Understand that we taught our boys these lessons over the course of many years and through many conversations. Along the way, and partly as a result of all the time we spent together through our homeschooling journey, they learned the qualities they should look for in a spouse. We wanted our boys to be men who were imitators of God and who looked beyond the outward appearance and instead looked at the heart.

We were blessed this weekend to share in the joy of the engagement of our son, Ryan, to his wonderful fiance, Kasey. Though everything in our culture tells these kids they should spend their 20s drinking, sleeping around, and enjoying the twerking and hook-up culture, they cannot wait to graduate from Hillsdale College and marry each other next year. Both of them were taught from a young age to look for the qualities that God values when seeking a spouse, including a personal and growing faith in Christ, integrity, and beauty that is more than skin deep — qualities that will endure beyond the honeymoon phase of marriage. We are thrilled that they found those qualities — and so much more — in each other.

Our boys are old enough now (19 and 22) that they make their own media choices. I don’t agree with all of them (I blame their dad for the penchant for Terminator and Matrix movies), and we’ve certainly not been perfect parents and don’t have perfect kids. But despite our shortcomings and missteps along the way, with God’s help, we’ve managed to raise young men who respect women — who cannot find entertainment value in Miley Cyrus’s twerking performance. They pity Miley and other girls like her who obviously lack both modesty and self-respect. Proverbs 11:22 teaches, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” That verse is as relevant today as when it was written by King Solomon.

I’m proud that our boys — our young men —  have strong values and don’t objectify women. Perhaps we’re old-fashioned, maybe bordering on legalistic. But I’m confident that our sons won’t be the guys leering and twerking along with the Miley Cyruses of the world. Real masculinity is not defined by conquering women and treating them like sex objects. Men like Robin Thicke, who went along with the onstage gyrations of a 20-year-old woman (a woman 16 years his junior), don’t understand that real manhood means respecting, valuing — and even protecting — women. If believing that and teaching it to our kids makes us old-fashioned and prudish, then I’ll proudly wear those labels.

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Recently "retired" from homeschooling, Paula is an unapologetic Christian and Constitutional conservative. Though she aligns politically with the Tea Party, she is a member of the Wayne County Republican Executive Committee. She is also a contributor at Ohio Conservative Review. Paula lives in N.E. Ohio with her husband, three dogs, and two parrots.

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Top Rated Comments   
old-fashioned and prudish?

Well, "prude" mocks "prudent" which is an "old-fashioned" word for "wise", so it is good to be a "prude". That is not "old fashioned", but timeless.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
While it was interesting to hear your idea of a Christian upbringing for your children, did you really think the world needed another article about Miley Cyrus? While some might call twerking "art," this performance was mostly a publicity stunt to upstage Gaga and get Miley noticed. The conservative media overreacted in predictable fashion, so that even the many of us who didn't watch the VMAs couldn't avoid knowing exactly what the former Disney star did there. Miley's motto seems to be: "I don't care what you say about me, just get my name right." Thanks to articles like this, her Q Score is through the roof.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
If I do my job right, I hope to end up where you are. We are given many gifts in this world, and not everyone makes the right choices with theirs.

And I hope never to actually know what the word twerk means.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (48)
All Comments   (48)
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We explained that girls who provocatively showcased their wares on TV were not respecting themselves and that it is not respectful to gawk at them.

I agree with the first point, but not the second. Skanks like that deserve no respect, so it's irrelevant whether one gawks at them or not (I wouldn't, because they are simply annoying and pathetic).
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
It's not "yet" a term in today's vocabulary, but perhaps we should add "self slutification."

Self slutification: the intentional and often public process of presenting and/or turning oneself into what is often perceived as being a slovenly woman.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
To see what's sexy and what's not, juxtapose Claudette Colbert's attire in It Happened One Night beside that photo of Cyrus twerking away. Nuff said.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Do you think Miley got the procedure on her tongue done, the detachment of ligament underneath to allow less restriction of movement, and is just showing it off by CONSTANTLY sticking it out? It's freakish behavior that...
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think if she was genuinely sexy and not as freakish she would've gotten a lot less press.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think that averting the eyes is a good step. However, if you really want to overcome lust or help others in doing this, you need to know what you are dealing with.

This may help: http://www.overcoming-lust.com/articles/understanding-lust/
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Nobody's lusting from that performance. I doubt many men found it prurient or arousing. Maybe a baboon would get some ideas but no sentient being would want in on that action.

The performance was about in-your-face decadence and was intentionally unappealing. If anything, it was a major "turn-off."
31 weeks ago
31 weeks ago Link To Comment
I grew up a bit rougher, and certainly knew a lot in junior high, by high school most had gone on to more fun things, all over the place all the time.

Actually this is a good time to discuss bullying. You might have noted that the stories, even those ending in suicide have not really gotten traction. The reason is simply that the girlie-girls behave in a very extrovert manner it was often caught on tape. What our cluckers called bullying was a unified response again a violation of community standards.

In this list and elsewhere bullying in the shape of community action is called for, and how is that any different?
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Unfortunate choice of words in "bullying," don't you think? That's going to evoke visceral reactions that may leave your message lost in the dust.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
You forgot to tell us several things about yourself and how you raise(d) your family
1. Do you submit to your husband (give him headship in his home)
2. Did you teach your boys to expect that their wives would submit to your sons.
3. Your son is engaged. Will his future wife submit to him?

Based on your Terminator mention I suspect that instead of being a more Christian parents, you are in fact more likely helicopter parents.

real manhood means respecting, valuing — and even protecting — women

OK. But it also means expecting that women obey their Biblical duty to submit to their husbands. You might find some of the writings by Christian alpha men (ex: Dalrock, Vox Day) enlightening.

Let us know.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
I suspect you misunderstand the biblical concept of marriage and submission. God created man and woman equal in his sight, but different -- men and women have the same value but are distinct in their manhood and womanhood. God established Adam's leadership in the first marriage and both the OT and NT affirm the role of male leadership in the family and the church. Unfortunately, in our fallen world, many have distorted, misused, and abused what God created to be good. That doesn't make God's principles any less good.

In Ephesians 5, wives are told, "submit yourselves to your own husbands" -- using the very sacrifice of Christ and his submission to the Father as the example of biblical submission. But husbands are not off the hook. They are commanded to "love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." A high calling indeed.

Elsewhere in scripture ALL Christians are commanded to love sacrificially -- this includes men and women within the context of marriage:

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3). “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’” (1 Peter 5:5). “Be subject to … every fellow worker and laborer” (1 Cor. 16:16). “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:10). There are many others as well.

The biblical pattern for marriage is not evil or oppressive when both partners follow the whole counsel of God. Problems arise when people take a few verses out of context and ignore the rest.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Funny how quickly supposedly Christian women (aka princesses) who exhibit little evidence of submitting to their husbands whip out Ephesians 5.25 when confronted with the wives biblical rebellion.

Go back to the bible and show me where Paul expressed these directions as a quid pro quo.

The roots of the Feminist evil (the Second Great Rebellion) run deep: well beyond the level of insight of most modern day western women.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
I never said it was a quid pro quo. Each of us is responsible to be obedient to God, regardless of what others do. I don't understand what you're getting at.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
My Mama is a hard, strong woman. My Daddy made the military his career, and he spent 22 years being deployed before he retired. In combat zones. I have three older brothers, one of whom is now in the military. I'm the only girl. All the while I was growing up we were allowed to watch all kinds of violence on TV. And when we got old enough to manipulate videogames we got to play with the Grand Theft Auto series and the Call Of Duty series, to name just a few. Submit to a man? I don't think so. If you have no job and you have to depend on a man for your survival, then you'd have to submit. But only the weakest women would go that route. When you've got your own money, you've got power.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
"you'd have to submit. But only the weakest women would go that route."


No, only the GENUINELY strong go that route.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
"So we taught our boys to look away — to avert their eyes whenever a scantily clad girl, intent on sexually enticing viewers, flashed on the screen."

Avert their eyes? Really? That's one way to deal with it. The other is to ban sporting events because their advertisers and fans are disrespectful to women.
It seems to me that you've drawn a rather crooked line here between what you deem right and wrong, and in my opinion, you wrongly put the responsibility on your sons to 'avert their eyes' when looking is what any curious teen would want to do. Mixed messages complicate things...

One thing I know to be true as a parent is that the lesson we intend to teach is not always the lesson the kids learn.

Congrats on your son's engagement!
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Gonna assume you mean "ban [WATCHING] sporting events" rather than banning the event entirely. Banning sporting events would by tyrannical.
31 weeks ago
31 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thanks jmarie! I admit it was a tough call. And there were plenty of times we just turned the commercials off during games. But part of this was that we wanted to give them the tools to live in a society that constantly throws sexual images in their faces -- everywhere. You can't drive down the highway without seeing a provocative billboard. How do to teach kids not to "indulge" in something that is -- literally -- on every street corner and a click away on the internet? It's a really tough world for boys -- and men these days.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
I agree it's a tough world for boys but I personally have a bigger problem with gratuitous violence than gratuitous sex, which is why football has no appeal to me or my sons. Why would a perfectly intelligent human being willingly bash his head into a 250 linebacker? Makes no sense to me.

However, my choice has been to teach them to interpret what they see. I worked in the commercial film industry for years and find advertising fascinating. I've taught my kids that everyone is selling them something and to spend all their types of capital wisely.

They understand the need to treat women with respect and more importantly to only pursue women who respect them. They also understand that women in these ads are often just paying the bills and not making a moral statement.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
This one of the reasons boys need fathers, to moderate this kind of foolishness, which, alas, is found in far too many women.

Football is not "violence".
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
My boys have a father and he agrees that football is gratuitous violence (and stupidity) wrapped in team colors. Look at the 4,500 former pro players suing the NFL for brain injuries.

The commercials are not the problem. At least for the most part they're clever.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Just because he is male doesn't make him a father.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Of course being male doesn't make him a father anymore than having Breitbart's picture next to your name makes you respectable or smart.

He's a wonderful father, he hates football, and he doesn't care what you think. Neither do I.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
The second wave of feminism set the stage for Miley Cyrus and other teen-age sexpots. See http://clarespark.com/2012/11/15/female-genitals-as-red-flag/, also http://clarespark.com/2012/10/03/the-sexual-revolution-2/. One does not have to be a killjoy "puritan" to find these moves abhorrent.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
I forgot to mention the common misreading of Freud as a pan-sexualist. Some of his libertine clients took that away from his theories, neglecting his cautions about self-control for the sake of protecting intimate relationships. Second wave feminists went after him for covering up real incest. I always thought that this was short-sighted.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
Miley, please keep that thing in your mouth. It ain't sexy. When performance "art" substitutes for talent this is what you get. I'm glad my daughter is old enough to not be influenced by this crap. To delve any further into her "art," she would need to get into hardcore porn. Maybe resurrect the famous Tijuana donkey show.
33 weeks ago
33 weeks ago Link To Comment
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