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Likes Long Walks on the Beach, and Porn Goddesses

What happens when husbands demand their wives meet the XXX-rated style in the bedroom?

by
Hannah Sternberg

Bio

May 5, 2013 - 2:00 pm

 

Slate’s Dear Prudence advice column is a social barometer of sorts, so when columnist Emily Yoffe pivots on a major issue my ears twitch, because change must be afoot. This week’s chat with advice-seekers revealed a shocking reversal: Prudie is actually advising readers to cut back on the porn:

When I started writing this column I had a very laissez-faire attitude toward porn, but it’s irrefutable that excess consumption can interfere with normal sexual expectations. It’s one thing if your husband made a reasonable request. … It’s another thing if he’s withdrawn from you sexually, has refused to address this, then announces he can’t get turned on by you if you don’t look like the people on YouPorn. …you two need to talk about how hurtful his behavior has been over the past year, and that you hope he understands that putting his demands in such a demeaning way is not likely to turn you on.

What was the husband of this letter-writer requesting? That the woman shave down under or he wouldn’t get intimate with her. The bald eagle (aherm) look has grown so immensely popular this year it’s actually made headlines, and most commentators agree it was popularized by porn’s hairless superstars.

Okay. So porn is as standard (and standardized) in American males’ homes as sliced bread. Old news. What’s new news is that someone besides the ultra-feminist anti-porn crusaders and the ultra-Christian anti-porn crusaders is saying in a major public forum that maybe porn is not so healthy for relationships. Well, excess porn.

For what it’s worth, I don’t support the censorship of porn that’s performed (and consumed) by consenting adults. But I do object to the tacitly ubiquitous attitude that “porn is okay, and if you object to it you’re a prude, because everybody watches it.” It’s another form of political correctness. Let’s see a healthy dose of skepticism.

What if the letter-writer’s husband’s request was demeaning because porn is demeaning? Not just of women, but demeaning of sex. There’s no mystery, no curiosity, no concealment, no effort. Just spoon-feeding the viewer his or her chosen fantasy, organized by aisle. No wonder advice columns are flooded with letters from the significant others of porn addicts — addicts whose appetite for the screen is insatiable but who lose all interest in the real deal.

Contrast the porn of today — the unique style of porn pioneered by the sexual revolution — with the cabarets and pin-up girls of the generation before. One was wrapped in the idea that what you were about to view was illicit, dangerous, adult, edgy. The other is wrapped in plastic and sold in bulk so you don’t have to wait an extra moment before self-indulgence.

For a movement that embraced sexual freedom, the sexual revolution sure made porn unsexy. And real-person sex unsexy, if the letter writer above is any indication.

****

image courtesty shutterstock /  prodakszyn

Hannah Sternberg is a writer and cocktail conquistador operating out of Washington, DC. Her second novel, Bulfinch, is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle formats. Relieve your itchy fingers and click here to buy it now.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
Good grief.

Just shave it already.

Of all the light-weight things that a man could ask of his sig. other, this is the one where the Alpha Females have decided to draw the line?

Do you want your man to want you or not? Better get that one figured out right away.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Shows how out of touch I've gotten; I thought the stripper/hooker mohawk was still the hot style "down there."

Having had some adventurous periods in my life, I know that there is a sexual line which if crossed it is very difficult to cross back over. Not even a "porn goddess" is a porn goddess every night, or even most nights. There are young women who grew up watching porn who'll rent a movie with you and play "let's do what they do." I've never been with one long enough to know how long they'd be willing to do that. There are sexual professionals who'll do whatever you want them to do and will pay them to do, but it is inconceivable to me that they do that sort of stuff every night with their husband/SO, and, yes, they do have those.

The problem comes when you've had those sorts of adventures and it is time to return to real life. No woman that you've known long enough to have done her panties in your wash can live up to the sizzling one night stand with the pretty young thing or the hour or night with a hot stripper or call girl. Slutty girls and hookers are what they are because they are what they are. Some of them might one day make somebody a good, faithful wife, but I doubt it. If you go there whether through porn or the real thing, you have to understand that while it is a nice place to visit, you really can't live there. Men who don't understand that are destined to have a very hard time with relationships.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (36)
All Comments   (36)
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This metaphorical bus left the station a long, long, long time ago. The effects of porn were foreseeable to anyone whose event horizon was longer than indulging their feelings of the moment (i.e. non-lefitsts).

Prudie's decades-too-late recognition of the problem provides the ten-millionth cautionary tale about putting leftists in charge of the culture or the government - they are genetically incapable of understanding or foreseeing the consequences of their actions. Leftists will never see the train barreling down the tacks towards them until it's about to hit them.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I find it unsettling that four ads featuring sexy looking women appear between the article and the comments section.

Anyway, here's a really interesting talk about porn - those of you who refuse to give it up should at least "man up" and take his advice:

http://goo.gl/60AGt
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
A good rule of thumb: never trust the advice of anyone who uses the term "man up"
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I forthrightly reject 1970s economics. I forthrightly reject '70s foreign policy. And I just as forthrightly reject '70s bush. Hey, everybody! HANNAH STERNBERG WANTS TO TAKE US BACK TO THE CARTER ERA! GET HER!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I had an interesting discussion about this with a buddy of mine. I made the point that, while we've always had porn in America (since the invention of photography), when I was a kid, you either had to go to a video store in the shady part of town to get it or access it some other illicit way.

The difference now is, as several have observed below, it's now available in high-def, on-demand streaming. It's no longer a deviant lifestyle in the shadows; it's mainstreamed, and too many people see nothing wrong with this.
Pornography affects the brain similarly to narcotics, lighting up the pleasure centers with endorphin releases. It's addictive. Also similar to drugs, overuse leads to needing greater and greater stimulus to get the same effect.

When I was a kid, if a teenager saw some boobs on a movie, you could shrug it off; he wasn't going to be severely damaged in the long-term. Now, if you turn your back and don't watch your kids, they can become addicts and become incapable of a healthy relationship with someone. Porn is bad for you, plain and simple. And our society has made this too accessible. It's like having meth on demand in your house, 100% anonymously. You can't seriously tell me this isn't a problem. And expecting your spouse to look and act or perform like a porn star is a symptom that you've gone WAY overboard with your porn addiction.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Is this really due to porn, or is it because certain kinds of sex are much more enjoyable with a non-hairy partner? I know that's the case with me, and it's pretty much the polar opposite of encounters with porn - pubic hair holds odors many people find unpleasant. For those who dislike the smells, or are even allergic to them as I am, this issue has nothing to do with porn and everything to do with making real sex more enjoyable to both partners.

D
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Good grief.

Just shave it already.

Of all the light-weight things that a man could ask of his sig. other, this is the one where the Alpha Females have decided to draw the line?

Do you want your man to want you or not? Better get that one figured out right away.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Before the advent of free and easily available video porn, there was still some mystery to the porn. The pictures might have been graphic, but they weren't actual people or they weren't live or they were heavily suggestive. You could find live sex if you looked, but now it's there for everyone, free and raunchy and being normalized by our culture.

I think of it a little like the way CGI is slowly destroying movie making. They used to have to use artistry to make you believe the monster was there, now they can just jump right to showing you, and it destroys the menace and suspense. They try to cover that up with buckets of blood and gore.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I can't speak for the current younger generation as they are pretty screwed up by the Leftist agenda, but the average male 35+ is generally happy to see you naked and willing. The same was true when I was a teenager, can't speak for now, then again 98% of the girls then wouldn't dream of taking naked pictures, let alone letting them out of their control the way girls do today with sexting.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Younger men are becoming fed up with the entitled attitudes of women today, and in response, women are flailing about looking for reasons to blame men for this. A common excuse is porn.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Are you kidding? Younger men are swimming in it. It's not until they get older (and dumped) that they become fed up.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Durn!!! Who'd a thunk so many social conservaties would be such experts on porn sex?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Didn't you know? Democrats are usually caught with thier hands in someone else's pockets/check book, Republicans are usually caught with their hands in someone elses pants...Libertarians are usually caught raiding their roomate's stash.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
lol! Thanks!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
What happens when husbands can't fulfill a wife's fantasies gleaned from female pornography like erotica, sex and the city, and romance movies/novels?

A nearly 50% divorce rate, a large majority of which are initiated by women.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
He apparently hasn't read much erotica either.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
You clearly know nothing of romance novels.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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