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Simone by Sunlight: Can People-Pleasing Save a Romance?

Another life lesson from the cold, beautiful French-Israeli woman who stole my heart by the sea.

by
P. David Hornik

Bio

April 14, 2013 - 7:00 am

Our relationship, as I discussed in the previous installment, centered largely on the sea — going there at night, sitting outside at the beach cafés, something we both loved. Wine, waves, airplane lights floating in, sounds of techno-jazz bubbling up from speakers.

It lasted until a night in early October — a night with a thrill, an excitation in it, troops of swift waves rushing the shore, towering, grey, ghostly clouds over the water. I was feeling pretty high. Here I was, with wine and my French girl. If there was something better I could have ordered from the menu, I wasn’t sure what it was.

Simone, though, was cold — relentlessly cold, shivering. Nothing helped, even though it was — I thought — only a mild wind blowing in from the sea.

She said the season was now turning too cold and this would be the last night we could sit out here. I said next time she could just wear something warmer. She said — an edge in her voice — that it would not help to wear something warmer. It was too cold.

Not long after, still sitting there, she at last told me about her disease. She had had it years ago, and gotten over it, but it had left her with a cold sensitivity.

That explained the summer mornings in the apartment.

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All Comments   (10)
All Comments   (10)
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I'm in the only relationship that lasted, my marriage of 15 years (!)

We figured out that neither could make the other's happiness our goal. "I can't make you happy, only you can do that." And don't try to hard to get it, let it get you.

Be yourself, which can include giving of yourself but not simply sacrificing yourself.

Personally, the girl sounds alluringly familiar to, I'm sure, a lot of men. You never had her and never would. In her world, men and women do not meet as equals. She will never be settled, let alone happy.

1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Yes. that was part of why I ended up feeling sorry for her.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Wish, oh wish this format included editing or the old preview. Should read " ...too hard to get it..."
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Sounds like you fell in love with a beautiful butterfly...

However, you can't lament a love that lasted only a season, without also lamenting her very nature that you loved.

Be careful not to serve a life-sentence locked up in a cage of the past. It would be interesting to hear about your prison-break.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
My prison-break? Well, I found someone better.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
You were very much stuck at that point........and you created the situation that ultimately ended the relationship such as it was. What you see as people pleasing she saw as "petrified"....and as soon as that was confirmed to her she was gone!

When you walk on eggshells to keep a relationship alive and are scared to be yourself for fear of losing it (her)......it's doomed! The woman always knows and no one, not even ill-equipped men, want someone that's theirs for the taking.

In the end she was driving the bus and you were along for the ride.

Lesson learned.........in the experience bank for the next important one if there is one. In my experience, you don't get many in life.

Thanks David for the interesting read!

1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Thanks to you, and...I've learned lessons and am now doing very well.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I wouldn't put it that strongly, but indeed, my approach was not wise.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I identify with the story you gave us here and I've learned, the hard way, what I think is the lesson you were trying to share with us is. Which is to take charge and show some courage.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
" I thought that if I honored her every whim, made sure not to cross her in any way, the plate could be kept there and wouldn’t fall."

This was a huge mistake, obviously. You lost your self respect and that ultimately cost you her respect. Without respect, there can be no relationship.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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