Rock Bottom: Die Hard 5 at Direct-to-DVD Level
Bam. Pow. Boom. The three-way chase is long (nearly 20 minutes), and it’s certainly loud, with plenty of crunching steel and squealing tires, but thanks to sloppy editing and a lack of urgency in the story (far from being terrified of the villains, we barely know who they are, plus John McC doesn’t even belong here) it’s about as dramatically affecting as a demolition derby. The director, John Moore, is an undistinguished journeyman (his credits include the remake of Flight of the Phoenix, the remake of The Omen and Max Payne), which is a nice way of saying he’s a talentless hack.
The choices of such inexplicable mediocrities as Courtney and Moore to be costar and director in an installment of one of Twentieth Century Fox’s proudest franchises scream “cost-cutting move,” and yet the rest of the movie is if anything even worse than the so-so chase scene. John and Jack spend the movie bitching at each other, tossing out brainless one-liners (Willis repeats the “Yippee ki-yay” line one more time, in a pitiable play for the nostalgia vote) and gradually learning to work together as they shepherd Komarov through a series of attacks. As it turns out, the “file” everyone has been after gets forgotten, and the ultimate goal turns out to be… what it always turns out to be: protecting a stash of enriched uranium.
The climax, set at night in an industrial wasteland that looks like New Jersey’s worst nightmare, is eyeball-scorchingly unattractive, eardrum-puncturingly loud and mindlessly dull, as John and Jack face off against the mob’s sexiest killing machine Irina (Yuliya Snigir), who tries to take everyone out with a helicopter. Mountains of ammo are expended by each side, but as Willis dashes around cracking wise, there’s no sense of him actually outsmarting the villains as in the sanctified original Die Hard 25 years ago. Instead, he just seems lucky and indestructible, ducking under gunfire and effortlessly pulling off feats of physical fitness that don’t look terribly likely for a man Willis’s age. The thrills in this scene and in this movie are, as a result, nonexistent: It all just seems tired and absurd. A Good Day to Die Hard is a good way to die of boredom.
****
More recent reviews from John Boot:
Today, and everyday, being Valentine’s Day, the GF said, “Today is a good day to stay h@rd…”…
No wonder Bruce Willis and every other A-list star cerca 1990 can sing ‘Blueberry Hill’ with Vladimir Vladimirovich, and Pajamas Media does not notice! Bwahahahaa!
Oh and at least Russia still knows how to produce attractive starlets. Lena Dunham and Emma Stone, anyone?
Your calling Lena Dunham “attractive” raises serious questions about your taste, if not your very sanity.
I’ve been a fan of the Die Hard franchise (especially the first and third installments) for many years. But when I first started seeing trailers for this one, they didn’t exactly inspire me to run out and see it. Just looked like a bunch of migraine-inducing noise and CGI explosions. Looks like the kind of thing I might have enjoyed when I was 17-years-old or something, but nowadays I think I’ll pass.
John Boot panned this movie so hard that I am definitely going to pay eight bucks to watch it on the big screen. Especially since it stars the legendary fictional badass, John McCain. And I love noisy, colorful, explosive CG. Like they say, if it’s too loud then you’re too old.
Remember the original “Transformers” movie? It was just a big, noisy, live-action cartoon, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
“A Good Day to Die Hard”?
I thought it was a movie about Ron Jeremy’s heart attack.
Die Hard was a movie that could have stood on its own with no sequels, and probably should have.
Spoiler Alert you friggin piehole!
Can’t you write an intelligent review without giving out major plot points?
That’s what we call a sign of talent, you inconsiderate, talentless hack.
‘..major plot points..’ from a 5th movie installment of a series that should have died with parachute pants?
It’s not as if Mr. Boot was providing anything of substance..
Have you considered switching to decaf?
The original Die Hard is the ONLY decent one of the bunch.
Die Hard 2 borrowed a great deal from it’s predecessor and entered an entire new realm of stupid.
Die Hard 3.. atrocious. Jeremy Irons.. seriously? Mr. Irons, a classically trained and damned fine actor was phenomenal in, ‘The Mission’ lent his name and REEEAAALLL bad dye job to that nonsense..? Come on, you’re better than that, Mr. Irons!
Die Hard 4.. didn’t see it. The preview in of itself was terrible.
As for 5.. are we seriously shocked it’s a turd of a movie? Coming from a guy who was part of the gimmicky 90′s garbage, ‘Planet Hollywood’? Willis, the Governator and company should have been blacklisted from H-town that moment on.
‘Planet Hollywood’ ALMOST makes the Hard Rock Cafe franchise tolerable. Well, not even close to almost..
I was going to see this one in the theaters, but after reading some online reviews and a text from a friend who saw it last night, I think I’ll wait for the DVD release in a few months.
I like Bruce Willis, but the guy has been cranking out a lot of movies the last few years. Some were fun(Looper,Red) but quite a few wound up in the straight to DVD section at Netflix.
He’s appearing in the upcoming G.I. Joe movie, which was pulled from release last year at the last minute (never a good sign) and starring in the sequel to Red, which as I said before I liked, but it doesn’t need a sequel.
I know actors like to work and keep working as long as the offers keep coming, but someone needs to tell Bruce he needs a vacation.
I’m waiting for Thirteen Monkeys.
“A Good Day To Die Hard”???
As long as they are going to steal their very titles from other movies (see “Little Big Man”) may I suggest a hum-dinger:
“The King And Die Hard”.
Oughta sell like sh*tcakes…
Actually, Komarov sent the gunmen to blow up the courthouse. I think you missed the whole “holy crap, they just blew up innocent people (actually mostly bought off) because they are bad and just don’t care!” But I can understand that, because I only realized it during the 20 minute car chase which followed. There was plenty of time to reminisce.
How did a Mercedes SUV force an MRAP-like beast over? What?
Bruce looked not only incredibly angry for the entire movie, but also incredibly bored.
Me and my girlfriend liked the movie because we hadn’t been to the cinema in a while and it was entertaining. BOOM BANG AAAUUUGH!! ;]
Probably get 10-20 hamburgers and a fur hat outta that dog.
OK,so its expendable; but it’s still Bruce on the loose.
I’m with you — no-one does a throw-away line like Bruce Willis. And the trailer makes it look fun to me so I guess I’m in the minority here. And how many actors have two successful franchises? (I loved RED and look forward to REDII).
Okay for DVD; too bad I spent 22 bucks on it last night. Willis seemed tired and off his game; none of the previous smart ass attitude he showed in the other movies.
Russia was a bad choice for the setting. Bad use of the villain, bad use of John Mclane. I didn’t hear one good throw away. And, the trailers were the only good lines in the whole dang thing.
Should’ve waited for netflix.
Saw it opening night and yes, it was very weak, and the CGI, awful. The whole thing gets off from a bad start in the very first scene, in the NYPD shooting range. 3 different angles of a chat between McClane and another cop, always with the prominent photo of Obama in the background. It looked like a Third World banner of the despot du jour.
Will NOT be buying the dvd.
Come on. The whole action/adventure genre is all about over the top, all but senseless plots, explosions, fights, senseless chase scenes and shoot outs.
The first Die Hard movie didn’t make any sense, either. A run of the mill cop takes out a dozen trained mercs using a nail gun and some cheap tricks? Some scenes didn’t fit real world physics, fer cryin’ out loud. Even for the time, the special efects were nothing to brag about.
The only person in the entire movie who was acting a part was Alan Rickman. The rest were reading their lines and ad libbing and hitting their marks when they were told, the way they were told.
The point of these movies has always been complete, senseless, mindless escapism. Grab the popcorm and a drink and sit down and zone out for a couple hours – rational thought not required. Suspend belief, buy into the main character and go with it.
On that level, I’ve always enjoyed these movies. This isn’t Shakespeare, folks.
Wonder if the poor response was the fact that Libtards didn’t like the fact that Bruce Willis supports the 2nd Amendment??
I was thinking that, too. Bruce Willis is an actor who is smart enough to protect his career by not alienating his fans by spouting liberal talking points. A brilliant marketing strategy. Very well played, Mr. Willis.
“The point of these movies has always been complete, senseless, mindless escapism. Grab the popcorn and a drink and sit down and zone out for a couple hours – rational thought not required. Suspend belief, buy into the main character and go with it.”
Saw it, liked it for what it was. A formula based on the prior movies– no depth or development just – time to go out and kill bad guys. Escapism, an opportunity to stop thinking about all the political stuff. And props to Willis for standing up for 2A for whatever reasons he may have had. Rather have my money going to him than a lot of other actors.
Everybody knows that. Movies are mind candy. It just depends on what flavor you like.
Suspend disbelief- temporarily allow oneself to believe something that isn’t true, especially in order to enjoy a work of fiction.