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5 Reasons You Would Never Want To Be a Superhero in the Real World

Who'd have ever thought flying and benching 8000 pounds would be a drag?

by
John Hawkins

Bio

December 26, 2012 - 7:00 am

3) The Media Would Eat You Alive.

Sure, the press would treat you like a celebrity, but how great is that really? The only thing the media love better than building up a celebrity is watching them fall. Look how gleeful they are when a celeb gets high in public, says something stupid, or gets arrested — and none of those people are punching super villains through the wall of a children’s hospital or making life-and-death decisions that are easy to second guess.

Additionally, the media being the media, there’s tremendous pressure to say controversial and contrary things to get attention. So, if conservatives all love you because you’re “The Patriot Hero,” all the liberals will hate you. If you’re “Intellect Woman: The Woman Who Solves Crimes With the Power of Her Mind,” Mike Tyson will talk about doing you doggie style on ESPN radio and Larry Flynt will do a porno movie that features some bimbo dressed as you having sex with your archenemy, “Deathfistkill Man!” Then you’ll have the psychologists speculating about your mental health issues on Oprah, crazies speculating that you’re working with the bad guys, people blaming you for being too tough on violent space mutants that had unpleasant childhoods, and, of course, incessant calls for the government to get you under control. Speaking of which…

Hulk drinking

If that picture show up on Gawker, Hulk will be very angry and you would not like Hulk when Hulk get angry.

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