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5 Reasons You Would Never Want To Be a Superhero in the Real World

Who'd have ever thought flying and benching 8000 pounds would be a drag?

by
John Hawkins

Bio

December 26, 2012 - 7:00 am

2) You’d Be Buried Under an Avalanche of Lawsuits.

If you were a superhero, you’d have to get used to hearing this: “It’s not that we don’t appreciate the fact that you saved the city from the Dr. Murderfish’s army of mutant shark men with the brains of serial killers, but who’s going to pay for 83 million dollars in damage that was done in the process?” You might think, “Dr. Murderfish.” He’ll be in prison, so wrong answer. Then you’d guess, “The government,” but they’re already running a trillion dollar deficit so they’re not picking up your tab. Of course, you could always guess, “A grateful city full of people happy that I’d saved them from doom,” but only if you’ve never met any people before and have no idea what they’re like.

To the contrary, you would be the one being sued for all the damages AND the “mental distress” AND the work stoppages AND the environmental damage caused by mutant shark kidneys ending up in the water supply AND on and on it goes. The worst part would be when you were inevitably sued by people whose lives you saved. “Yes, your honor, he did save me from Dr. Hitler’s giant robot Nazi, but in the process, I hurt my back. I’m not going to be able to work for six months. How am I supposed to make a living?”

Hulk posessed

Hulk not responsible for compensatory damages because Hulk was possessed and…you not buying Hulk’s story, are you?

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