5) No magic bullet: There’s no such thing as “the good old days” or a future time when you’ll “have it made.” There’s only the appeal of things you had or want that you don’t have. Whether it be sex, love, money, fame, friendship, success, or things, whatever you don’t have in hand tends to look much more attractive. It’s just like they say: the grass really is always greener on the other side of the fence. But then, when you finally get to that plush green grass on the other side of the fence, it may not be brown, but it’s never quite as lush and wonderful as it appeared. Sometimes you start to see the downside you missed before and it’s just not as satisfying as you imagined.
That doesn’t mean nothing will ever please you long term; it’s an acknowledgment that there is no magic bullet, no magic key, and no magic anything. Yes, studies show that getting married or becoming a Christian will make you happier, but there’s no one treasure you can have, do, or be that will make you happy and keep you happy over the long term. Most studies even show that the ultimate stroke of good fortune — winning the lottery — only produces a short-term burst of happiness that regresses back to the mean over time for people who have already achieved a minimal level of financial security. Contrary to what I believed when I was young, happiness is a process that has to be maintained over time, not a result of some moment, achievement, or thing.
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More from John Hawkins at PJ Lifestyle:
John Hawkins is a professional writer who runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. He's also the co-owner of the The Looking Spoon. Additionally, he does weekly appearances on the #1 in its market Jaz McKay show, writes a weekly column for Townhall and PJ Media, does YouTube videos, and his work has also been published at the Washington Examiner, The Hill, and at Human Events.
He's also the blogosphere's premier interviewer and has interviewed conservatives like Thomas Sowell, Mark Levin, Victor Davis Hanson, Mark Steyn, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, Milton Friedman, Jonah Goldberg, Jim DeMint, Walter Williams, Robert Novak, Ann Coulter, Newt Gingrich, & Michelle Malkin among others.
Moreover, John Hawkins' work has been linked and discussed in numerous publications and on TV and radio shows including ABC News, BusinessWeek, C-Span, The Chicago Tribune, CNN, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Editor & Publisher, Fox News, Hannity and Colmes, The Laura Ingraham Show, Minneapolis Star Tribune, MSNBC, National Journal, National Post, Newsmax, Newsweek, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Rush Limbaugh Show, The Tammy Bruce Show, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Hugh Hewitt Show, The Washington Post, Salt Lake Tribune, Scarborough Country, U.S. News & World Report, and Human Events, where he had a weekly column. Right Wing News has been studied by college classes and even inspired an urban legend that was covered at Snopes.
Last but not least, John Hawkins also founded and led the Rightroots group, a grassroots effort that collected almost $300,000 for Republican candidates in the last 3 months of the 2006 election cycle. In 2008, he consulted for Duncan Hunter's presidential campaign and was on the board of Slatecard, which raised more than $600,000 for Republican candidates in the 2008 election cycle. In 2011, he helped found Raising Red, although he left the organization the same year and went on to become one of the co-founders of Not Mitt Romney.com.
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What’s the worse thing about getting old? It’s at the tip of my tongue…almost there…sheesh!
Hey John, who cares? As for your observation about it should not be this hard; wait till you are really old and it won’t be.
You will be astounded how quickly you will wake up and be 60. (Or 70 or 80)Treasure every day. It is a gift from God.
Yup, all true – that’s a pretty good list (says this 47 year-old).
If you have mastered number three, the rest all follows…
Bingo.
I’ve learned that the more I learn, the more there is to know.
I once knew a physicist, who sat down with a couple of friends over a few drinks. They got to talking about how much humanity knows and how much there might be left to learn about ourselves and about the universe. It penciled out to a 200 factorial. iow, if every man, woman and child on earth had a Ph.D in their own, individual, separate, discipline and specialty…it would represent only a small fraction of what remains to be learned.
Every man or woman I’ve ever met, whatever their social or economic status, has taught me something, whether they knew it or not. I’ve learned something from every child I’ve met, even if I only learned more about myself.
So…getting older …and crankier, I often give short shrift to anyone who comes off as if they know it all, or as if they have all the answers that any of us will ever need for anything. (I hate tyrants, especially of the intellectual variety.) Kind of an intellectual version of ‘Get off my lawn!’
A couple observations.
1. A good marriage is gold.
2. Anyone trying to solve a problem “once and for all” is either an idiot or a liar. There are NO siver bullets.
a female friend of mine – also in her fifties – told me that what really cuts the most is the idea that you can look in the mirror and see the wrinkles, see the grey, and, after a period of philosophical resignation say “well, that’s just the way it is. I can live with that look, and that amount of physical deterioration, if it will just stop here” – but the rub is that you will never get the chance to, because each and every tomorrow will bring even more radical deterioration, exponentially.
christopher hitchens, in his last days, called this “the unstoppable subtraction of more and more from less and less” – and it is a sobering experience that we will all get to have (unless our lives are cut short by accident or violence). still, it is all part of the experience of having a life, and it would be a bad mistake to dwell on it or obsess over it at the expense of what time we have left.
Wait until you reach an age when the mind still constructs a perfect essay but is lost in the time it takes to travel from the mind to the fingers. Wait until the time when your recall is perfect for the trivial and the more important arrives at a time not needed. Wait until the time you no longer need a calendar to determine the coming changes of the season – your body lets you know. Unless one has spent a lifetime in a narrow tunnel of slavery to work, financial debt and social status, etc., getting old can be rewarding and even beneficial to others in so many ways. Of course today, the new generations unlike other generations of our history, have little to no regards for the ‘older’ generations so the oldies need to have some thick skin or they will make your life miserable. I wish the best for you Mr. Hawkins in your journey to my age.
You must realize that every decision that you make in life is custom made to your way of thinking. And if you have a 21 year old living at home, you should try to encourage him to get a job or go to Afghanistan or something, and if you stay active, your brain can block out a lot of the pain that comes with growing old overnight. And a beer or two at the end of the day can’t hurt.
Wait until you have kids. Everything else is easy.
Time goes faster and faster…It takes much less time to get from 50 to 60 than it id to get from 30 to 40… Blink and it’s gone.
When you’re 10 years old, a decade is your whole life. At 20, a decade is 50% of your life, and at 40, it’s 20%. It creates the illusion (reality?) that time passes by faster as we age.
I turned 39 at the beginning of the month. You’re points are axiomatic.
Just assume that any physical infirmities aren’t you
You do acquire some skills that make having lived awhile worth it.
You’ve seen everything come around and go around, at least twice
Again. And again. And again.
And learn to appreciate the wisdom of so many who have come before.
Like Shelley…
Nor happiness, nor majesty, nor fame,
Nor peace, nor strength, nor skill in arms or arts,
Shepherd those herds whom tyranny makes tame;
Verse echoes not one beating of their hearts,
History is but the shadow of their shame,
Art veils her glass, or from the pageant starts
As to oblivion their blind millions fleet,
Staining that Heaven with obscene imagery
Of their own likeness. What are numbers knit
By force or custom? Man who man would be,
Must rule the empire of himself; in it
Must be supreme, establishing his throne
On vanquished will, quelling the anarchy
Of hopes and fears, being himself alone.
Agree. I wouldn’t want to be seventeen, again…or twenty-one, or thirty-two or even forty.
I do want my twenty-wo y/o body returned to me. Someone hijacked it and left this one in its place…
Excellent piece! I wake up every day, when I see that old fart staring back at me in the mirror, I think to myself, “Who is that old guy? O my God… it’s me!” I guess the main thing I have learned in 68 years is I truly do not know everything.
I try to stay away from mirrors. There’s usually this ugly old fart watching me. And I know it can’t be me, because I’d never get that ugly.
Due to various and sundry happenings in my time on this blue orb, I never expected to live this long.
HA!
I will be 54 next month.
When I was 17 I knew everything there was to know about everything. After decades of learning more and more, I have discovered I know nothing about anything. How did that happen?
I also think it’s very unfair that my vision is worse, my tastebuds don’t work well, my hearing is shot and my sense of touch is much weaker than it used to be. Yet for some reason my ability to feel pain has skyrocketed.
When I was a teenager I blew out both my knees playing soccer (never got worse than a bruise playing football). They healed in a few weeks and didn’t bother me again until I was 40. Now I feel my knee pain whenever I walk. On rainy days I’m in pain even when I’m not moving. Why did my knees wait 25 years before complaining so much?
When I was young I believed that if I never grew up I would never grow old. Didn’t work.
“When I was young I believed that if I never grew up I would never grow old.”
Well said! That’s always been my creed as well, and I also turn 54 next month. Doesn’t seem possible. I partied thruout my 20s and started working out daily in my mid-40s. Actually feel more fit than I did in my 20s/30s, but other little things add up and are pretty depressing…loss of hearing, worsening vision, and most maddening, memory starting to get spotty…thoughts don’t flow from my brain to my lips as easily. Turning 70 in 16 years sounds as crazy to me right now and turning 40 did when I was a kid. Life is a strange, wonderful, and sometimes scary thing.
Mr Hawkins;
I once stated to one of my most revered professors, that my seeking and attaining a good education did not necessarily provide me with the correct answers, but enlightened me to ask the most appropriate questions. I regret I could not take more of his classes, and spend more time under his tutelage, for as you know, life can take abrupt right angle turns.
I have experienced the exhilaration of extended aerobic exercise on my mental acuity, and the benefits to my health over the years. But, a variety of exercise and stretching can be fun as well as comprehensive to conditioning.
And for the ultimate question; What are you going to do when you retire?
Why on earth does anyone ever want to, or plan on retiring? It’s always just seemed to me to be the first fairly long step down into a grave.
Because I’m diabetic and have good insurance, sometimes I’m referred to different specialists to make sure everything is ticking properly and “no damage has been done”. I’ve now had three different medical specialists tell me to “keep on working”. They do *not* recommend retirement.
Reinforces my youthful ambition to die with my (Prada) boots on.
Well, when you know you gotta go, do it in style. (Even having good insurance can make you feel like a dinosaur these days).
There was quite the article on nutrition here at PJM a couple months back, with a good bit of discussion.
Diabetes is one disease that’s been pretty well managed with medication, diet, and exercise. I have it in my family heritage, but I’ve been able to sidestep it so far.
A co-worker was approaching retirement, and found out about one month before he retired, that he had diabetes. I’ve not heard how his retirement is going, or if he is gone, but this was more than 20 years ago. That can devastate your retirement plans to find out that you now have a malady to nurse for the rest of your life.
As many others here can attest, it’s not easy getting up and looking the other end of your life in the eye every day. You gotta do what makes you feel good, and as much as you can.
I’ve started a practice with my closest friends; Telling them how I feel about them and thanking them for the good times we’ve had. It’ll be too late at their funeral.
And now, the theme music for this post; Bette Midler sings “The Rose”.
I wonder what the “Strolling Bones” think when they look in the mirror?
WHERE’S EON?
I work with geriatricians, and that’s the one message I have learned in this area. Do NOT retire (not that any of us will be able to afford it). Keep mentally active and having a reason to get out of the house each day. Oh, and eat a vegetable or two while you are at it.
WHERE’S “EON”?
What gets me are the changes in other people.
I feel like the same person I’ve always been but it seems that most of my old friends and family members become incredibly mean.
I’m talking late 60′s and early 70s.
So self centered and just obsessed with themselves and their health and nursing old grudges from 50 years ago.
I have a brother who is seriously ill and I asked another brother if he would go out and sit with him for one day (he was a medic in the army) and he became instantly outraged – like I was asking him to travel to Iraq and dig up Saddam Hussien or something. He lives one hour away.
I have a lot of time on my hands and I paint animals for a hobby. I asked an old friend whose beloved cat recently died if I could paint a portrait of her cat and she said “no.” What? People pay good money for these things and I do a good job, too, and would do it for free. “No??” I have to think she just wanted to hurt me. What’s with people?? Makes me want to just pull up the drawbridge!
Oh, and the kicker?
My 80 something year old spinster SIL actually turned her chair around when their 100 year old mother was dying. She came to her room but refused to look at her or say a kind word to her. She wanted to talk about movies and the mom was sweet and had never done anything to her daughter
The SIL is totally obsessed with her health – that’s all she ever talks about – never asks how are YOU?
She hates the deceased mom with a white hot hatred that is totally unexplainable – she “ruined her life.” What??? The SIL lived at home til she was almost 45! Who was keeping her there?
40-4?7 was a holding pattern if you worked hard enough. The day after I turned fifty I awoke, swing my legs out to the side of the bed and before I could stand was aghast at all the spare parts on the bedroom floor. Except they weren’t spares. They were OEMs that broke loose and fell off the first night I lived in my fifties.
Now, I was going somewhere with this and shall return when I find it.
Me thinks we should not focus on this and consider that twenty precious ones won’t see Christmas or there next B-Day, lives are shattered and the Muslim Dictator will cry and quote Scripture in blasphemy…Merry Merry Merry!!!!
In 200 years everyone you see
will be gone from this Life
Those that don’t have faith in God and Believe
Are going to be missing out
Aha! That’s God in the mirror!
Why does He look at me like that?
John, ya missed the very FIRST sign of growing older.
It’s when you hear your parent(s) say that phrase that you SWORE you’d never say, and suddenly realize that your parent(s) aren’t there.
Or how about when you realize your parents don’t seem as old as they once did.
Or worse, they seem suddenly terribly old and feeble.
Or when your child is well beyond the “youth” stage.
Or when you stop telling a story/joke because you know you’ve told that story to the same listener dozens of times before.
Or when the death of a relative or friend no longer devastates you.
Or when you become THE senior member of the clan.
So many important milestones!
Happy, you said it.
John Hawkins, very nice piece. Keep on trucking, man, hit the gym, start a new career, make love to your wife, it’s all good.
Just wait. For when 8 hours of sleep isn’t enough, or after 18 awake, you need 10 hours of sleep, and then maybe a nap.
For when you need a 5 hour energy drink just to listen to the American top 40s, much less dance to them. And when you ask “Who’s the girl singing this?”, you get the answer “Justin Beaver”. Later you find out the correct spelling of his name.
For reading glasses.
For a full medicine chest, and then the weekly pill boxes so that you can check to see if you have taken them today.
I agree that we have to count our blessings, “Name them one by one….” Those who know this song know what I mean and the joy that one can have. Real life joy. Not the false joys of what is sold on a music CD wrapper, a trailer for a movie, or a promo for a show, game, or travel destination.
Someone’s comment above put this into good perspective. Big Mike, I think. Right now most of us reading this will make it to Christmas and have more than enough faculties left to make Christmas and New Year something special for someone else. Goodness, most reading this will be around for another dozen or few dozen Christmases.
So get off the moaning and self pitying!
Some little ones in Connecticut won’t be around to do this. Just as about a half millions Americans who just passed away in the last three months.
Don’t dwell on what you don’t have, be it dexterity, ultra good health, looks, shiny hair, a sizable bank account, a narrow waistline or no creaky joints.
Dwell on what you can do for others with the skills, talents, wit, smile, and charm that God has given you. Ask Him just who it is around you that needs a helping hand, a lift, a visit, a donation, some flowers, a hug, a lunch date, or a small gift. Ask Him where you can volunteer your time, jumping in and helping out. And do it out of a heart of gratitude for how you have been so blessed in your life — and you have indeed.
Do this and start to find out how much more fun life is — something that those 20 somethings and 30 somethings truly do not know.
Get the focus off yourself and we’re all surprised at how exciting this life becomes — at any age.
I am 75. I remember Pearl Harbor Day, VJ Day, Israel Independence Day, our first television, polio vaccine, and my 14-hour propellor-plane trip to Paris in 1958.
I also lived to see Islam turn into a religion as destructive as Christianity was during the Inquisition and the days of witch trials.
I’m not convinced most people learn #2 at all (I learned it by age 25):
2) Learning how surprisingly different people are
Afterall, most people over 40 still believe in the One Perfect System fallacy, whether it be socialism (liberal-left) or Christianity (social conservatives). would not a recognition that we are all different automatically lead to the recognition that there is no One Perfert System or worldview that is equally applicable to all humans?
Pray tell?
No need to get hung up on growing older – old? As 50 is the new 40, 40 the new 30 if you wait long enough 40 should be the new 12 and you, we can start all over again. Enjoy.