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E-Mails to My Past Self: 5 Facts I Wish I Could Send Back in Time

Like Hot Tub Time Machine, but with e-mails!

by
John Hawkins

Bio

August 14, 2012 - 12:01 am

3) Dear 16-year-old John:

I’m writing you from the future to let you know that you’re much, much better with women than you realize. That slips right past you because you’re shy, don’t understand women that well, and aren’t very confident, but you have a lot more going for you than you realize. You’re in good shape, you’re funny, you’re smart; so don’t sell yourself short. You’re going to have a cheerleader in typing class ask if you’ll take her out. She’s not joking. She’s serious, dude! And the great-looking older chick who grabs your ass in the video arcade — that wasn’t an accident, okay? In fact, one of the girls you have a little crush on now? I talked to her five years ago and found out that she had a MAJOR crush on you all through high school. So, don’t be afraid to go for it. You’re doing a lot better than you think!

I got this response back:

Dear future John:

Thank you so much for the advice! I’ve been dating constantly and although I have two kids by two different baby mamas, I think I’ve found the love of my life. As soon as she gets out of jail on the crack possession charge, we’re getting married! Granted, it would be nice if she stopped using crack and the screaming fits can be a little annoying, but I’m in love! Marrying Lurlene is going to be the best decision of my life!

Ignoring woman

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