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Forget Gold, Buy Twinkies and Bullets

Cause Ding Dongs are lame.

by
Sunny

Bio

June 13, 2012 - 7:00 am

Why Twinkies?

There are many reasons why Twinkies might just be the best place to put your money to help you retain your wealth and deal with post-collapse difficulties. To begin with, Twinkies enjoy a guaranteed, consistent high demand. People love Twinkies. When the manufacturer goes out of business in the Great Triple Dip Recession, demand for Twinkies will skyrocket! Food commodities in general will be priced at a premium. I think it’s safe to say the value of Twinkies will match inflation at a minimum since no matter what the economy does everyone has to eat. Therefore it’s likely to be a stable good with which to trade.

Twinkies are lightweight, easy to transport, and small, making them ideal for trading with local neighbors for items you need, like candles and real food. Further, Twinkies aren’t likely to attract the attention of your local gangster egg farmer making you a target. And as any zombie apocalypse survivor knows, Twinkies are so full of preservatives, they last forever. You can count on them to never spoil, and possibly even to float in the event of a flood.

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You can always eat them yourself if the collapse never comes — bonus! Wondering how you will eat all those Twinkies? It’s surprising how exciting Twinkies can be in the kitchen. Just be careful, because medical care is now government medical care, so clogging your arteries is probably not a good idea.

Side benefit: there’s the whole Twinkie Defense thing made famous by Dan White, the guy who murdered Harvey Milk. Too much sugar can cause you to do all kinds of crazy stuff, the worst of which is to eat more sugar, but murdering someone is a definite possibility, especially if that someone is holding a doughnut with your name on it. If there’s any law left, the Twinkie Defense might come in handy. As a “Twinkie hoarder,” the insanity plea is not so incredible in your case.

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