7 Laws for Public Decency When I Rule the World
5. Don’t bring your penis into the ladies’ room.
In case the huge feet squeezing out of the platform hooker-shoes wasn’t enough to tip you off, I can assure you that is a man in the ladies’ room. Since we live in a time when boys might be dressed up as girls and need to use a restroom, we really should come up with some ground rules. Here’s mine that I’m ready to fight for.
NO PENISES IN THE LADIES’ ROOM.
This isn’t a gay/straight issue. I welcome all lesbians to my bathroom and even post-operative transsexuals. Everyone who must sit to pee is welcome, but if you have a penis, you cannot come in. In fact, I vote for changing the signs on bathrooms from a man and a girl in a dress to cartoons of genitals instead. That way there can be no confusion.
Penises are threatening in a ladies’ room! Women are in varying states of undress in there. The loo is the sanctuary where we fix unruly bras, hike up pantyhose, and straighten our Spanx. There is a strict no one-eyed-willy policy. It doesn’t matter whether your penis doesn’t like girls, that body part simply is not wanted in the loo. Not only are men a possible menace, but the way men use the bathroom is frightening. Sorry fellas, you’re gross. We gals don’t read or stew in the stall. We get in and get out as quickly as possible. No woman alive would choose to share a bathroom with a man if she didn’t have to. Further, how is one to tell if a guy in a dress isn’t just a perv who dressed up like that specifically for the opportunity to be a Peeping Tom? Not acceptable.
I’m all for having a third option like a unisex bathroom for this type of scenario. I’m sure a transgendered person would be uncomfortable using the men’s room, but the women in the womens’ room have rights too. We say, no penises allowed — unless you are accompanied by your mother and are under 6.
I went to a doctors appointment once and what she wore was indistinguishable from pajama tops and bottoms. I made a joke about getting her out of bed which wasn’t taken all that well. Thankfully, it was a non-invasive visit.
As for bicycle pants, as one who has been a madman for spending what must amount to thousands of miles on a bike, I’ve never worn them. They are for racers. I usually wear cut-offs. The amusing part is that I sail effortlessly by those in bicycle pants because, like tattoos, they are not actually a magic talisman.
I have stunning secret: a man completely covered in tattoos and with a tough-guy leather vest can in fact scream just like a little girl, and for as little reason.
FB, I’ve spend my thousands of hours and miles pedaling my ass around town as well, but I’m here to tell you – try the bike shorts.
I hope you at least have tried and use the clip-on pedals.
Of course neither of these are what you use to pedal to the store, but on serious rides sometimes you gotta go into the 7-11 for an emergency slurpy, and you may indeed present a bit of scene.
I’ve worn the padded cycling shorts while pedaling around. Definitely more comfortable. Now, if I could find a pair of 8EE cycling shoes that worked with clip-on pedals, I’d try them. Meanwhile, toe clips and regualr pedals.
Megan: “Further, how is one to tell if a guy in a dress isn’t just a perv …”
That’s an easy one. He is.
Because a guy in a dress is weird. He just is.
For some reason, this is not obvious in the ‘modern’ world? Wake up.
There’s an alternative to bike shorts: mountain biking shorts. They’re padded, but look like baggy swim trunks. I’ve heard some road bikers complain about chafing, but I’ve done all-day trail rides in them quite comfortably, AND then went grocery shopping afterwards without embarrassing myself. Another plus to them? Pockets!
The ONLY people I see wearing their silly bicycle shorts and accompanied stupid clothing (including the ‘bullet’ helmet -seriously, NONE of us are Miguel Larriya, Eddie Merckx, Bernard Hinault, Marco Pantani, Mario Cipollini etc., so please stop pretending to be), gear are over-middle-aged salt & pepper/ silver/ purple hairs drinking their Starbuck’s drinks post-ride with their clip-in shoes on post-ride, walking like Frankenstein.
As another poster commented, mountain bike shorts do the trick, are usually less expensive and result in one looking less like the missing singer from the Village People (Speaking of skinny jeans, the scene in, ‘Modern Family’ where the ‘Mitch’ character helped tackle the guy in skinny jeans.. hilarious).
The ‘Live strong’ wrist bands. The hero worship bestowed on Armstrong is creeepy. I commend Armstrong’s bicycle prowess but that wristband. The ‘Live Strong’ wristband is, (unless you too have overcome a life threatening ailment and then worn as a reminder) like the U.S. flag shirts/ bandannas post-9/11, an overdone jewelry accessory many lemmings still don.
The ‘Jersey Shore’ gel helmet. I liken ‘em to Eddie Murphy’s, ‘Just let your soul glow’! bit in the movie, ‘Coming to America’.
TapOut, Ed Hardy clothing. Single types, you wake and do the walk of shame the next morning from these d-bag’s place.. NO pity for you.
Ugg boots worn when the temp’s above 30F.. there is truly no need in doing so. Besides, Sorel non rubber-toed boots are far better in cold/ really cold, icy weather conditions.
The ‘Vibram Five Finger’ or toed finger shoes. My friends who’d gotten a pair of ‘VFF’s’ have commented on their having NO heel support, wherein their foot was not used to them after weeks of wear. 1 of these friends being a barefoot runner and ultra marathoner as well hated ‘em if he wasn’t running on a fairly smooth running surface. I summed it up and asked them, ‘Didn’t you take into consideration how ridiculous they look’?
Mohawks/ fauxhawks/ skullets. Mohawks was you’d see at Bad Brains, TSOL and old Vandals shows. Today the aforementioned are worn by anyone NOT punk. I will give kudos to Michael Bolton. He had the most fantastic skullet of all-time. Though the ‘George Costanza’ like hair with a greasy, short ponytail.. if you’re friends with these folks how can you NOT, if a friend, tell them to part way with said ‘accessory’?
Oh yeah, forgot about the helmet thing – never have worn one, and I’ve never met a more mental biker than myself for darting in between moving buses and cars. If you lack the confidence to believe you can stay on a bike, you shouldn’t get on one. And there’s the biker shirts too. Nope. The funny thing is that the people with helmets tend to be the slowest bikers.
I’m not a fan of accessorizing, formalizing or officializing my activities, like I’m a doll. I’ve seen men climb volcanoes in flip-flops. When I was a kid I always thought it was funny people would dress up to go to bed. Now they won’t even dress up to go to Kmart.
With regards to bike helmets – if you are participating in an organized ride, or if you are involved in a youth group ride (such as when I take my Boy Scout Troop out) we are required to wear them.
The five finger toe shoes have no heel support because you’re not supposed to run in them with a heel strike stride. They force you to run on the balls of your feet. Newtons work the same way.
A small fanny pak can carry something lighter wear more discreetly covering to pull up over the bike shorts for that quick stop. Really I am tired of every store looking like Walmart and people out and about in pajamas.
I once had the pleasure of seeing a tattooed tough guy coming off the Space Mountain ride in Disney World. He was trembling and in tears. Cute.
What you took to be pajama tops and bottoms were, in fact, surgical scrubs with a print pattern of some sort. Medical professionals wear them these days, they are not out of the ordinary. Medical professionals get to wear scrubs. I am being patient with you.
Well, if medical professionals are wearing them, that’s TOTALLY different. They have worked so hard to get where they are, they deserve the right to go around looking like disheveled slobs.
It was 1990, a private clinic. They were cotton. They were jammies. She arrived to work in them and left work in them. We joked about it – some.
Nice pun.
Why does the advent of “colorful scrubs” coindice with preoplw neglecting to actually scrub, at least the way they used to? Then again, I’m happy that as a programmer I no longer need to wear a tie.
Remember in the old days when the hospital owned and washed the scrubs?
Presumably you would wear street clothes in, clean up and change in to scrubs.
Now that Dr.s and Nurses own their own scrubs it seems less sanitary. When I watch the nurses get off of a bus and light a cigarette on their way to the hospital I feel less sanitary.
You have to wonder how many times that scrub has been worn since it has been washed?
The classic dilemma facing all adult cyclists: wear spandex and look like a perfect fool, or dress like a normal human being and have everyone assume you lost your license for OUI.
Nothing worse then leaving work at the end of the day and get on the very small elevator. Suddenly, your boss, his boss and a co-worker follow you in wearing very tight and explicit biking shorts (sausage shorts?) as htey head out for an after work bike run.
The image is burned into the back of my retinas even after staring at the elevator cieling light for the eternity of the ride down three flights.
I really did NOT want to know that much information and, honestly, a couple of them should not want people to know, either.
This is so funny! I literally have tears in my eyes. A great way to speak out about the clothing morass we have fallen into these days.
Perhaps we would not have arrived at this point if someone (a lot of someones) had said something about the backwards (and sideways, etc) baseball caps in the beginning.
There are only two reasons that I’m aware of for wearing a baseball cap backwards (and none for sideways):
1- You’re the catcher for a baseball team and your pitcher’s on the mound;
2- You’re shooting at the range, and you want to keep hot brass from going down the back of your neck.
You forgot the most common reason:
3. You are a crowd-following mindless dolt.
About five years ago, a friend of my son’s showed up at our house in PJ’s. I couldn’t believe her mother let a high school kid out of the house in PJ’s. She was ahead of her time.
Wear your jammies in public if you live in Shanghai.
Otherwise, put on a shirt and some pants or, if you’re a female, a skirt.
I am crying I am laughing so hard. This was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Needed a good chuckle today. THank you.
Sorry to say, it wasn’t funny. It was all too true and I agreed with every point. I haven’t worn a pair of “shorts” shorter than 12″ (Bermudas) in 10 years. Capris are preferred. I have friends with figures good enough for short shorts, at 65, not the SKIN. It looks icky. Go ahead, check the mirror.
I don’t see anything funny here at all.
You seem to have overlooked the most indecent style of all: sagging pants, worn so as to show ones entire butt.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/30/fashion/30baggy.html
Heh. Loved the line about how the pants “reflect the reality they face every day.” Wha’? Someone forces them to show their behinds?
I agree with everything on this list. However, on Planet E2, I would add a few other sartorial regulations:
1. Unless you’re engaged in some sporting activity, or you are under the age of 12, shorts in public are verboten. Transgressors will receive summary wedgies and be dumped arse-first into the closest trashcan.
2. The wearing of Speedos will be banned for anyone that is not a professional swimmer. Transgressors over the age of 50 will receive an especially harsh punishment.
3. Baseball caps are outlawed unless you’re doing something that actually has to do with the sport, i.e. playing or watching. Transgressors caught wearing them backwards or sideways will receive a truly draconian punishment.
4. The wearing of a basketball, football, or any other type of athletic jersey shall be forbidden outside of the athletic arena. One exception: anything with a collar is acceptable, i.e. polo, rugby, cricket, etc. jerseys.
5. Unless you’re a marine biologist who spends a lot of time wading around tidal pools, Teva and Reef sandals are never appropriate footwear. First time violators will have their toes stepped on.
6. Two words: butt crack. Unless you’re a toddler, if yours can be seen, you are toast.
E2, you are getting carried away.
Living in south Texas requires you to wear shorts a good portion of the year – 95 degrees and 95% humidity makes long pants pretty uncomfortable; and if, like me, your genetics has determined you don’t need hair anymore, the subtropical sun demands a cap and a Panama just does not always stay on.
Sorry, but shorts are juvenile. I’ve lived in West Texas, Central California, Arizona, AND Hawaii without resorting to wearing shorts in public unless I was on my way to the gym. My dearly departed grandfather hailed from the Fort Worth Area and I can guarantee he wouldn’t have been caught dead in shorts (unless he was on the golf course). The wearing of shorts is all part of the infantilization of America anyway, as they were generally only worn by children prior to WWII.
As for ballcaps, they’re pretty useless as sun protection, as they leave your ears and the back of your neck exposed. I’m not against hats, I just think that ball caps are purely utilitarian and should not be worn out to restaurants, shopping, etc.
I have to disagree about the shorts thing…at least on the golf course. It’s miserable in 90-95 degree weather in long pants. I’m 70 and my legs have seen MUCH better days, but I’ll continue to wear shorts on the golf course until they sprinkle my ashes over the Brazos River. It isn’t to show anything off. It’s to survive heat and humidity. Plus, when driving home from the course, I sometimes stop at a 7-11 for a Coke. I’m not wearing those shorts to shock anyone…just to make certain my heart doesn’t stop because my body fluids are boiling.
Referring to baseball caps as, “ballcaps” is part of the infantilization of America, along with many other insults to the language.
That said, baseball caps are very useful for many activities. Shooting sports are one of them. They are not intended as “sun protection”, they are intended to shade the eyes and otherwise stay out of the way, which they do quite well.
Getting a little dull. Are you male, E2? Do you object to, say, plaid skirts and kneesocks on Catholic school girls outside the classroom?
How do you feel about my location viz a viz your lawn?
I’m with you, E2. Amazing that our forefathers were able to conquer the American West in long wool pants, with no air conditioning. Today, Comfort is King.
I find khaki slacks and a ivy-type summer cap quite comfortable in the hottest weather.
I suppose you’re right about the long pants/American west thing. I really ought to wear long pants (and boots, too) to minimize the chance of getting bit by a rattle snake or having my legs shredded by chaparral and cactus or getting sunburned from long days spent in the sun – when I go wandering in the wilds of the hardware store or the mall.
If malls in Texas are like the ones here, you’ll want long pants to fend of the arctic-level air conditioning.
Sorry, E2, but you’re not going to get me to give up the baseball caps. I’m a middle-aged male with pattern baldness, and I live in North Carolina. If I spend any time outdoors without a hat on, I’m going to have a sunburned scalp. I refuse to slather on sunscreen every time I go outside when a hat will do the job just fine. So what am I supposed to wear? A sombrero?
A nice straw trilby would do the trick.
Short pants are for women and young boys. No male over the age of 12 should ever wear shorts unless engaged in an active sport which requires them. On the golf course? Never. Ever. Funny, when I’m playing golf and it’s in the high 90s, the cretins wearing short really don’t look all that comfortable to me.
Especially as I watch them scour the woods for their ball while I wait patiently
in the fairway……….
All things considered, I’d much prefer a government not powerful enough to enforce a dress code at gunpoint. Those who value freedom should also value other’s freedom, even if we don’t care for their choices. We now live in times where lightbulb choices and toilet flushes are a matter of federal law. And that lunatic in NYC wants to ban table salt and outdoor smoking. My tolerance for those advocating totalitarianism, even in jest is wearing thin.
Agreed, but I’d suggest the reason personal standards have devolved to the low they’re at now is precisely because of the nanny state and over-regulation. The more personal responsibility is required to survive and prosper, the more decently people will comport themselves.
You resent the nanny state but still want people to take responsibility for themselves. What will you do if people DON’T take responsibility for themselves?
Snarky
“What will you do if people DON’T take responsibility for themselves?”
Historically, the utter collapse into anarchy and pagan barbarism comes not long after that point. Then localized authoritarianism rises to combat it with public floggings, executions and conscriptions into the military service of your local lord. We’ve all been there before; we’ve just forgotten how close to it we’ve always been…just one generation away, really. But we’re long overdue for it, if you ask me, as evidenced by the multitudes who believe they’re justified in showing their tattoo’d buttocks in public and that YOU are wrong for judging them. That and the whole Obama thing.
Yeah, we’re close.
You miss the point.
When government takes responsibility for something, people gradually stop taking personal responsibility for that thing. You can see this at work in surveys about the difference between liberals & conservatives concerning charitable giving. Liberals give less to charity than conservatives. This is not because liberals are bad people and conservatives are good people. It’s because liberals view their taxes as including charitable giving, which should be handled, in their view, by government welfare. Conservatives believe that private charity should take care of welfare, so they resent paying taxes, but give more generously to private charities. I suspect that personal (as opposed to corporate) charitable giving is much less than it used to be.
There’s a related phenomenon concerning the law. Whenever the government passes a law about something, that law eventually defines the boundary between what is acceptable and what isn’t. We have, over the past half-century, become a society in which laws are passed to regulate more & more of our conduct. The reaction to this is that we seem to have decided that if there’s not a law against something, it’s okay to do it. This, in turn, results in more laws being passed to regulate things that used to be taken care of through social pressure. There’s no law against wearing your pants halfway down your butt, so adolescents and some grown men just do it, without regard for or concern about how they are viewed by other people (besides other adolescents, of course).
“What will you do if people DON’T take responsibility for themselves?”
It’s called “freedom”.
And, yes, I believe that you/we have the freedom to fail.
I agree.
I must borrow a line from the Stepenwolf Monster:
We don’t know how to mind our own business
‘Cause the whole world’s got to be just like us
If you are at Walmart and some ones genitals are hanging out, call the cops if you want. Otherwise it is up to the property owner to set the dress code. In most cases that is a loosely followed No shirt no shoes no service.
As as as “What about the children?” It’s your job as parents to raise them, show them right and wrong. Not mine, not the schools. It does not take a village it takes a family.
;
Whe I take power, comments like yours will be banned
You win the thread Richard Blain. And Kudos to Jones for some solid gold sarcasm.
The article and most of the comments here amount to; ” Everyone should be forced to dress as I think they should because I know better than they do.” Standard leftist/statist/totalitarian BS.
If you are offended by the sight of other’s bad taste or judgement, cover your eyes. Otherwise, be thankful that the idiots are identifying themselves as such.
If you think that good taste = fascism, you may be a doofus. Thanks for self-identifying.
Using the power of law to force others to comply with your idea of good taste is tyranny. Fines and tickets escalate to jail time, the truncheon, handcuffs, tasers, pepper spray, and with today’s over militarized police, the gun.
Think about it Dave, can you really have a dress code in a free country?
I didn’t see the part where the article said these idiots should be compelled by law to dress “properly” so it seems you might be going off on a bit of a tangent. I think those idiot “Nolimit N**ga” types who wear there pants down around there ankles should be scorned by all decent people–that doesn’t equate to a call for the passing of a law and the formation of concentration camps as a solution to the problem…
Yes, you can have rules of decorum in a free country. I was treated yesterday to one of the most disgusting shows I think I’ve ever seen while I was shopping in a particular Southern town known for a lovely woman with uber-knockers. This 50+ (easily, perhaps more) woman (lady doesn’t apply here) came strutting (or was it slutting) into a recently re-opened establishment wearing no bra, a miniskirt showing off badly bowed legs, and cowgirl boots. The air conditioning was running full blast arctic and naturally nature took command of her nitty-tipples and called them to attention in a store chock-a-block full of men women and children. The fact that her face looked like a horse’s arse didn’t help. I nearly puked, my wife wretched and my step-son and his 10 year old daughter had to take drastic measures to avoid seeing what shouldn’t have been there to see.
Decent people should not be treated to erect nipples, butt-cracks (crack-dealing is illegal and some people should get life) nooky-wedgies, pecker-bulges and the like. Have some respect for yourselves when you go out in public. Surely your mama taught ya better.
Rather than a dress code, it’s a matter of your clothes reflecting your class. If you wear certain clothes, you will be seen as low-class and looked down upon.
In schools, we have to teach our special ed kids things like this….also the fact that your speech reflects your class. I once lived in a rural area where even the superintendent of schools said “I seen” and “I done.” Disgusting.
As we tell the kids, we’re not saying it’s right or wrong – just that people WILL look down on you if you do certain things. (One of these is baseball caps inside. It’s a tough one, as so many teachers let the kids do it, so those who don’t take the guff for it.)
“The article and most of the comments here amount to; ‘Everyone should be forced to dress as I think they should because I know better than they do.’”
Nah, it’s a standard “if I were king/queen” vehicle to advance the author’s pet peeves. I doubt Andy Rooney ever seriously contemplated legislation to ban fruity soaps or pastel underwear.
I frankly think the far greater danger to the republic is the willful suspension of all sense of irony and/or humor.
Best,
Mark
“I didn’t see the part where the article said these idiots should be compelled by law to dress “properly”…”
Correct me if I’m wrong… but isn’t our columnist nostalgic for a time when public decency laws were enforced as a matter of law. And in her world “The consequences for committing any of the following crimes in my world would result in hard labor in Sheriff Arpaio’s tent city.” Sounds like a pretty severe police state to me!
I love people with no sense of humor. It’s so much fun, and so easy, to torque them off!
I like the self-identifying component. If I see one of these clowns in public, and the next day I’m introduced to them as my new financial advisor/physician/Deacon, I will have considered myself forewarned.
I would bet cash, that 1 of these stooges is a “life coach”.
BTW, if your short on cash, Walmart on payday/welfare day,is the best entertainment. EVAH. Google “Walmart Bingo”!
but the women in the womens’ room have rights too.
This is what our country has become. Neither “women in womens’ rooms” nor any other group of “normal” Americans have rights in this country. A sad fact that requires correction.
#6. E2
3. Baseball caps are outlawed unless you’re doing something that actually has to do with the sport, i.e. playing or watching.
With all due respect, I would modify that. I’m retired law enforcement. In my field, the baseball-style cap is highly functional in field conditions. It shields the eyes from sun, is cheap, and can be made part of a uniform indicating agency and rank. How about,”Baseball caps are outlawed unless their form serves an operational function.”.
Subotai Bahadur
With the exception of number five it sounds like you’re just nitpicking.
If other people want to look dumpy it really is none of my business.
My personal gripe:
Americans in kilts.
If you want to get in touch with your Scottish heritage, just listen to a Wolfstone album and leave it at that.
“My personal gripe: Americans in kilts.”
I feel the same way about Scots wearing pants.
That settles it – I’m getting a kilt.
Frankly, they are *way* more comfortable than jeans.
Och mon, but how dae ye tell who’s a Scot an who’s nae? (I was uber-disgusted at the lad who had tae tuck ‘is leg hair at the Scots festival in Dandridge TN last summer tho…)
I love my PJ bottoms, there so comfy. When I get home from work the first thing I do is change into them. If I have to go to the local pig or walmart to get something, your darn straight I’m not going to change out of them.
One good thing about living in a free country–slobs like you with no capacity for embarrassment, or pride, don’t have to put on street clothes to go out in public.
Haters gonna hate!
And a non-thinking pig, at that.
Then you are a pig.
My pet peeves:
Flip-flops: they are for kids, at the beach, or young women with really pretty feet. Guys, no one wants to see your ugly stinky feet and grotesque toenails at the grocery store.
People who go out in public dressed like basketball players. It’s ridiculous.
T-shirts with profanity or obscenity.
Guys in sleeveless tees. I’m looking at you, Old Hairy Fat Guy.
If you’re wearing a ballcap with the brim pointing any way but forward, you’re doing it wrong. Only exception is when wearing such cap under a catcher’s mask.
Guys in capri pants: those jeans that come down just past mid-calf. Either wear shorts or wear pants, but DECIDE, you nimrod.
“If you’re wearing a ballcap with the brim pointing any way but forward, you’re doing it wrong. Only exception is when wearing such cap under a catcher’s mask.”
Another: I usually wear a cap to the range. When shooting a rifle on a bench rest, especially one that kicks (I have a lot of those; I like cannons) I turn the cap backwards to clear the scope.
My husband always wears a ball cap, as he likes the way they keep the sun off his face, but always has to turn it backwards when shooting pictures with his cameras….. like shooting a gun, the cap gets in the way of the equipment when shooting with a camera (film, not digital) as well.
Capri pants are a good way to appease the “don’t wear shorts in public” people while at the same time appeasing the “pants or shorts — pick one” people.
Of course, thankfully it’s a supposedly-free country, so both of those kinds of people are free to be offended while I am free to ignore their fashion opinions.
Pajamas means nurse, special needs, or other care-giver. It’s not a big deal.
The guy in the ladies’ room stall is a scream! This article could have been written about the various clothing fads every couple of years since . . . well, since the Battle of Hastings. The one that just will not go away is the sagging-trousers-with-exposed-underwear fad, though I doubt it can any longer be called a fad. How did this moronic fashion statement become a decade-long standard?
It is a rebellious statement against the high number of black men in prison in this country. When you go to jail your shoe laces and belt are taken away from you and hour pants sag. The fad got started because of that.
Personally, I find the fashion repulsive, but even more objectionable are those who would impose fines or jail time on those who practice it. Tell me there isnt some irony there.
The message has some merit, but I hate the fashion.
“It is a rebellious statement against the high number of black men in prison in this country. When you go to jail your shoe laces and belt are taken away from you and hour pants sag. The fad got started because of that.”
What you’re saying is, these men were unable to discover their own waist sizes so they could buy pants that stay up, as mine do, without a belt. If removing a belt causes a man’s pants to instantly drop, vaudeville-like, to his ankles, then he is too stupid to be operating motor vehicles or vending machines and should be locked away for our safety.
I have a cop friend, who takes great pleasure in taking away the belt from a punk, as he books him. He does it for ” safety reasons”! Wink wink. It is hard to look tough when you are walking into a group of cages, holding your pants up!
“It is a rebellious statement against the high number of black men in prison in this country. When you go to jail your shoe laces and belt are taken away from you and hour pants sag. The fad got started because of that.”
You shouldn’t repeat urban legends without making some effort to find out whether they’re actually true. This one is FALSE.
http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/sagging.asp
(Scroll down to paragraph 5, where your variation of the legend is specifically addressed.)
I don’t know who started this craze with the pajama bottoms, but, trust me, when I first saw it I thought the person wearing it out in public had just escaped from a mental hospital. I thought they were being taken out for the day by some guardian and then brought back for their 4 PM electro-shock therapy.
But what really, really, gets my goat are women who wear bras, corsets, and those horrible camisoles as outerwear. Since when did underwear become outerwear? That’s why they call it UNDERWEAR, because you wear it UNDER your clothes. Ugh.
And while I’m at it, I’m getting a little sick of women wearing flip-flops everywhere in town, in the city, or at the mall. Ladies, flip flops are for the beach, NOT for strolling around when it’s 20 degrees outside. And a little clue for you gals out there, it makes your feet look filthy and that’s a real turnoff for guys. Also, I don’t know why you’d want your naked feet so close to a New York City sidewalk. Do any of you have any clue as to what has been dumped ON that sidewalk? You don’t even want to know, so I urge you to wear shoes, sneakers, anything but not flip flops. And things must be pretty bad if sneakers are sooooo uncomfortable that you have to wear flip flops. Double Ugh.
I just blogged about a kid who just about fell off his bike–pedaling hard, but yanno, he had those fashionable pants down around his knees with underwear showing all over–pretty dang hard to stay on the bike that way.
Next time I’ll try to get pictures. Maybe we can send them in and you can do a regular column. ‘Cause, yanno, there’s plenty of fodder!
I. Boys: Pull your damn pants up.
2. If you are driving a car:
a. Sit up.
b. eyes forward — don’t be looking in the mirror to fix your make-up, you won’t need it if your head goes through the windshield.
c. both hands on the wheel.
d. please.
What a bunch of fascists here
There is a subtle, hard-to-detect difference between a political movement which exalts the state, and does not shrink from violence in achieving its’ ends, and having an opinion about suitable attire for going out in public. Grow up.
Reactionaries is more accurate, but yes they are very intolerant as a group.
Having the right to do something becomes meaningless when society does everything short of criminalization (they do that too) to prevent you from using those rights.
There is no protection from public pressure. From time unrecoded this has been the case.
… which effectively nullifies rights. We’re going in circles here.
Rights exist and can be exercised…but they don’t protect you from public pressure rpovided the pressure does not break the laws.
You still have them. You just have the public providing a counterweight.
Have you always been this ignorant? Crying because nobody wants to see you walking around showing your ass crack is pretty pathetic. Typical liberal nonsense. Turds like you cry about your rights and are the first to abdicate your responsibilities.
I just hope none of them are actually serious about enforcing things like “no shorts in public” or “no flip flops in public” or the all-encompassing “it should be illegal for people to do things I don’t like.”
Let’s point and laugh and OMG snicker at them in public. If they behave badly at my right to ridicule then they get slapped with a hate crime. So freedom all around. You can look like a fired, freak show act and I can LMAO at you. I thought Megan was all serious till #5, butt cheecks, and she said that lady in blue had a decent shape. Geometric, yes. Decent? Well, then I knew it has all been a big joke on the readers.
Heh. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – Andy Rooney.
The point is, I could make that woman look like an hourglass with the right clothes. She looks terrible in the photo and I could put her in something that would help her look better than that! She has an easier shape than some to dress in a flattering way. Just because she’s a large hourglass doesn’t change the fact that an hourglass shape is a decent shape to have. If she were a pear or an apple at that weight it’s a different story.
The Muzzies have this problem under control. When Sharia Law is the law of the land, poor dressing habits will be met with severe punishment.
“Imagine my chagrin when I wandered into Walmart..”
There’s your problem.
Your version of People of Wal-Mart is a lot less enjoyable than the original. Likewise your update of Ugliest Tattoos and Tattoo Fail.
You could have simply posted the following:
“Link to People of Wal-Mart.
YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!
Link to Tattoo Fail.
THIS NEW GENERATION IS RUINING THINGS!
WE DIDN’T GO IN FOR THIS NONSENSE IN MY DAY!”
A tip for guys who like to wear speedos. It helps to carry a potato in your speedo. But make sure you wear it in the front.
Here I started reading the article with an oinking fantasy of THAT Megan Fox ruling the world. Then it turned out to be, you know, otherwise.
This is so creative. Never heard that comparison before…
Yeah ball caps are functional headwear for those who spend time outdoors….a function defeated by wearing them sideways or backwards….unless you are riding an open vehicle, shooting or under the hood of a car….othwise it is a statement of defiance or intent to be disruptive.
Hereabouts a small bar noted for donney-brooks, came under new management….ball caps allowed….worn with the peak forward otherwise barred for a week….no more fights…funny that…actually the new guy just subtly signaled standards of behaviour are enforced….
The Victorians were wise to realize that most of us look better with our clothes on….
Helmets are common sense, as are gloves when cycling or riding a motorcycle….to be removed when dismounted though.
One man’s commone sense is another man’s manifestation of fear.
Or a sign of intelligence. I’ve seen many the biker saved from potential serious brain trauma because of a bike helmet. But why protect what you obviously don’t have?
It’s all vulgar and it’s “fashionable” because that’s good for the progs. A society in control of itself cannot be easily controlled by the government.
“It’s all vulgar and it’s “fashionable” because that’s good for the progs. A society in control of itself cannot be easily controlled by the government.”
Are you sure you didn’t mean ‘proles’?
Progs = Progressives.
With all the current emphasis on not bullying, would ridiculing someone wearing pajamas or any of the items mentioned be a ‘criminal’ offense?
Well, at first I thought you had found them until I watched the No Pants clip. The newest item from the as seen on TV ads, the Pajama Jeans! My first impression when I saw the ad was huh?
As to baseball caps, I love them but I like the solid color no comment type. Just a plain cap that fits and is functional. I got into the habit of wearing a baseball style cap in the service and after ten years it got to be second nature. Going outside? Grab your cover!
I would wear bike shorts while riding and carry Khaki shorts packed on my bike for wear into a public place while not riding. I’ve run across folks who shouldn’t wearing tight bike shorts in the local grocery stores, it looks stupid people all padded and stuff.
I just recalled an event long ago while a younger man and a truck driver pulling into a Circle K for fuel and seeing a young gal come walking out of her apt in a long T shirt. On the way back she dashed across the street, her T shirt rising up where it was clear she had no panties. On a heavier built woman it would have been uncool to see but on this gal, both me and the Hindi shop keeper thought it was mahvelous!
My own personal peeves are:
1. Hoodies. It’s 72 degrees, bright and sunshiney in southern California, and *you* are bopping down the street looking like a Star Wars Jawa with nothing but two beady eyes peering out of darkness. You are either (1) terribly sensitive to sunlight and the chilliness of 72 degrees, (2) self conscious and think you are too ugly to be seen by other humanoids, or (3) being prepared with a disguise in case *any* opportunity to be illegal should arise.
2. Cell phones and texting — I hatehatehate listening to other people’s conversations on their cell phones in public and do not understand why the government in its infinite wisdom won’t allow the sale of devices to disconnect them. Now I find I also have to keep an eye out for bimbo’s and himbo’s striding along with their head bent over their hands while they laboriously pick out an urgent message to who knows who about who knows what, AND not paying any attention at all to where they are aimed in a forward-direction. These cretins deserve to fall into fountains and down crevasses, and I’m not prepared to have to dance out of their way because they don’t have the politeness god gave a cow to watch where they’re going.
If I were Secretary of the Treasury #5 would get a tax deduction.
Oops. that #2 not # 5.
I have to add shorts with words across the backside,, especially on preteen girls.
And to all the chatter about who/what enforces these rules, it used to be shame. But shame is gone so people where pjs to the grocery store. And that is a shame!
This is what happens when you take the mother out of the home. Used to be that children who put on something ridiculous were sent back to their rooms by their mothers and forced to change into something more appropriate, thus they were trained as they grew up. This generation obviously had no mothers to say “You are NOT wearing that!”
It’s as much about self-respect as it is respect for others.
Carmelita: Now, however, it is the mothers who should be sent back to their rooms with their husbands yelling: “You’re not wearing THAT!”
WENTING: You have every right to walk naked in public if you don’t mind being raped every few yards as you go. Oh, don’t worry about the effect a naked adult has on a child-who cares about them?! I can tell you from children I’ve counselled, the effect is totally traumatising. It produces fear, horror, loathing, shock and insecurity. Go ahead and be selfish! Oh, and if an angry wife comes up and belts you one because you made her husband ogle, that’s her right too.
I live in a place that regularly hits 105 in the summer-and by regularly I mean more than 90 days of last “summer” which is a good 6 to 8 months here. We wear shorts. No, pants are NOT as cool in the heat. I hate skirts. I can not be active in skirts without exposing myself. I suppose, for the knitting generation, that wasn’t an issue. Plus-what is cool or comfortable about your thighs rubbing together skin on skin?
Who cares about wearing pajama bottoms? I’m with you on muffin-top and exposed butts, but the rest? Who cares?
I tossed the shors FOR the skirts precisely because they are cooler than shorts with no thigh chafing.
Also, I believe the “knitting” generation was much more active than we are today.
I’ve only 1 thing to say about “public decency laws”: GET LOST.
If you want dresscodes for the public, go live in Iran or Saudi Arabia.
We’re supposedly a free society, and the decision what to wear (or not to wear) as clothes should reflect that. And yes, that includes public nudity. If you want to be naked, go ahead. If you don’t like what I wear, too bad for you. I probably don’t like what you wear either but I’m not going to try and have you fined or thrown in prison for it.
I think you’re getting a little wound up over a simple “if I were king for a day” exercise. Especially considering that in an earlier comment one of my proposed “punishments” for bad taste was to give the offender a wedgie…
To all of you slobs crying “fascism!!!” – you have every right to dress as trailer trash or overgrown children in public. You do not, however, have the right to do so without criticism. Criticism is not fascism. It is free speech. You’re free to dress like an imbecile, and I’m free to say you’re dressed like an imbecile. You want me to “deal with it”, so you deal with it, too.
criticism, fine. Trying to make laws dictating what clothes people can and cannot wear based on your personal sense of propriety, not fine.
And that’s what this is all about, so-called “free thinking people”, calling themselves Libertarians even, scrambling for laws dictating dresscodes for the general public, outlawing anything they themselves don’t like the looks of.
I’ll dress in whatever way I like, whether you like it or not. If you don’t like that, you can choose not to interact with me. You don’t like that and harass me in public over it, I have the right to legal action against you over that.
What you don’t, and never should, have is the right to tell me it’s illegal to wear something just because you don’t like it, or have the right to force me to wear something just because you do like it.
Bad enough corporate dresscodes are legal, but it’s your company so as long as you don’t break the law you can tell your employees how to dress (IMO a shaky proposition, as dress doesn’t influence workplace performance, for most professions, but that’s the law) but let’s not take it out of the workplace and into the public street.
Back in the late fifties My Dad would jump in the car to go get gas to mow the lawn, carrying his wallet, lighter and pack of cigarettes clad in only shorts and no shirts on a hot July day the Police stopped him and said A. J. you know it’s against the law to drive around without a shirt on Sunday! They gave him a ticket! cost him twenty bucks it did! His reply?
“BE DAMNED!”
“Nothing says lunchtime at Walmart like a pair of floral, sky-scraping hooker-heels.”
Women should wear sky-scraping hooker heels all the time.
Gee, what happened to these?
8. Boys — there is a thing called a BELT that holds your pants up. Wear one. You look like idiots without them. Nobody wants to see your underwear, and nobody thinks you look good when you “shorten” the length of your legs by a fulll foot. You look like you suffered some strange bone disease in early childhood.
9. Girls — don’t get tattoos — EVER. I deduct 10 points of IQ for every inch of tattoo I see on a girl’s body. A guy who was in the armed services is allowed ONE tattoo, on the biceps, and not huge, either. Otherwise, deduct 10 points of IQ for each additional tattoo.
10. Girls — when you wear a strapless gown to a wedding and you are sitting in the chuch pew, from behind you look stark naked, and wholly ridiculous. Taste ain’t only for your mouth.
11. Boys and girls — hair isn’t for shaping into a stegasaurus or coloring the color of bad bubble gum. Deduct 10 points of IQ for every stupid thing done to your hair.
This article goes right along with the numerous “People of Walmart” e-mails I get from time to time. Very funny and enjoyable.
Plenty of room for humor in this blog. However, an important factor is overlooked with regard modesty in public, that is, children. They deserve to grow up in a society that is not shoving butts and cleavages in their face on a daily basis. It is confusing for young boys, who genuinely desire to respect adults, to have a women around him in various state of undress; it arouses sexual feelings and guilt. Moreover, women who parade various parts of their anatomy in public are advertising their morals, or lack thereof; or their desire for sex. Yes, definitely, there should be a code of dress-that is to say, anyone can look as weird as they want (including jammies in Walmart)so long as they are not dressed immodestly. If anyone pretends they do not know what is modest and what isn’t they are liars. No skin tight clothing, no clothes that reveal parts of the anatomy which should be reserved for behind ones closed doors. No-tents and other Islamic clothing not necessary; there is still plenty of room for creativity and fun in dress without being vulgar.
Two words:
Camel.
Toe.
Bravo minus. Number 4 is not a decent figure according to 4 out of 5 dentists.
Here’s one that you sort of mentioned but didn’t focus on…
Leggings/tights are NOT pants. When did it become okay for women/girls/anyone to walk around outside with the fabric equivalent of spray paint on their legs and butts? In the 80′s when the trend first started, the leggings were worn UNDER a skirt or a very long shirt. Then the shirt started getting shorter and finally just leggings with nothing covering anything. Then what’s even worse is the women that either are too cheap to buy the thick leggings or maybe just so big that even the thick leggings stretch to the max. I’ve seen these women out and about with what looked to be just shear stockings so that all could get a good look at the cotton underwear underneath.
I look forward to your eventual take over and subsequent punishment of all of these fashion evildoers.
Holy moly, is THIS kinda cr@p what replaced Belladonna?!?!
10. Slouching. Learn to stand up straight.
9. Screaming uncontrollably at your kids. They will grow up wantimng to get (and stay) away from you, and you’ll be there, alone, wondering why.
8. Gangsta-anything, but particularly when you live in an affluent suburb, go to a good school with decent adult supervision, and have no actual reason to have to conceal a weapon.
7. “It sucks.” Sucks what? THAT???!!! What makes this an acceptable expression?
8. Piercings.
7. Walking around in public mostly naked, then shooting accuasing looks at people who stare at you.
6. Coming to church mostly naked. We’re supposed to be focusing on God.
5. Pretending you don’t know what the big deal is about nakedness or vulgar language, and actually expecting to be credible.
4. “Elect Obama” bumper stickers.
3. “Re-elect Obama” bumper stickers.
2. Television.
1b. Having a car stereo that makes my floors vibrate even when youn drive by with the windows rolled up.
1a. Rolling the windows down.
“10. Slouching. Learn to stand up straight.”
Mind your own business. I’ve a bad back, standing up straight for extended periods hurts like hell.
“9. Screaming uncontrollably at your kids. They will grow up wantimng to get (and stay) away from you, and you’ll be there, alone, wondering why.”
See the opposite far more: kids screaming uncontrollably at their parent, knowing they’ll get whatever they like just to shut up.
“8. Piercings.”
Don’t like them, but your body isn’t mine, do with it as you like. And no doubt you love those nice ear rings your wife/girlfriend has? That’s piercings too.
“6. Coming to church mostly naked. We’re supposed to be focusing on God.”
yes, and not on how the other worshippers are dressed.
“5. Pretending you don’t know what the big deal is about nakedness or vulgar language, and actually expecting to be credible.”
The big deal is people like you wanting to control peoples’ lives, and imposing their degenerative morals on the general population because they can’t control their sexual urges the moment they see an inch of skin.
“1a. Rolling the windows down.”
Good thing I’ve electrically opened windows.
Control freaks like you are what’s the problem, the kind of people who’re constantly expanding government because they think people can’t live their lives if they’re not constantly monitored and told what to do by “their betters” (which you of course think is you).
Oh, good Lord.
The man is entitled to express an honest opinion without being called names. If you disagree, disagree and say why. Calling him a control freak is not a dispositive argument, sonny.
I sill wonder if #5 was just a woman with big feet.
This brings us to the problem that we have now that kids are taught “Gender is a fluid thing”. If you “identify” as a gender that’s what you are.
It makes me wonder if they will finally put stalls up in shower rooms at school. The state required sex ed says at any point you might discover you are gay. Particularly if you feel strange, or are bullied. How any one gets out of Jr.High straight any more is beyond me.
Gratuitous cleavage, especially in a business setting. And if you dress out over 150 pounds, put those puppies away. Nobody’s interested.
White people wearing anything that even remotely suggests ghetto. Not because it’s mostly stupid, which it is, but because it’s transparently phony.
Visible thongs. Personally, I have no idea why women think that wearing anal floss is somehow sexy. Yeah, it hides your panty line, but if it’s displayed along with a muffin top, it looks like a pressed ham under duress.
$200 “pre-worn” jeans with rips and holes. It’s like paying $40,000 for a beat up 1967 Dodge Dart and thinking you look hip.
Overpowering perfume or after-shave that arrives before you do and bubbles the paint on the wall. I don’t care how much you paid for it or how hip it is. These are often the same people that shriek in horror that they smell second-hand tobacco smoke wafting in from the next county upwind.
Beauty contests for pre-teens, a la Jeanbenet Ramsey. Why any mother would want to sexualize their 8 year old and trot them out on display like it’s a slave auction is totally beyond me. Little girls are only little girls once in their lives, and once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. Seems to me that this phenomenon says more about the mother than the kid.
Older women who continue to wear tired hairstyles, makeup, perfume and clothing left over from when they were still pretty and weighed in a couple of stones less. Once you pass 50, it’s time to stop trying to paint up to look like you’re 25. That doesn’t mean you have to wear granny clothes, but you’d look a heck of a lot better if you dressed like your age.
Tank tops. On anyone. Guys, there’s a reason cops call these things “wife-beater shirts”. Nothing says disgusting more than hairy armpits in public. And if you’re the hairy back type, Jeezus.
Raccoon eyes and clown eyeshadow. This look is usually seen on early teens on their great voyage of self-discovery, but you sometimes see it on grown women who should know better. Hint: if your most notable feature is your makeup, it’s probably too much.